13 QUESTIONS with SLAP HAPPY CREATOR, BRANDON IRON

I don't think many people realize what a big deal it is that we snagged an interview with BRANDON IRON, otherwise known as ALEK JAMES HIDELL, the genius who is responsible for the SLAP HAPPY videos...some of the most extreme pornography ever caught on tape. Brandon contacted us several months ago but wasn't able to answer the questions we threw at him because the individual(s) he wanted to talk smack about still owed him money. Well, I guess he got tired of waiting for them to pay him, because he really unleashed in this edition of 13 QUESTIONS:

1. You produced and directed the infamous SLAP HAPPY series, some of the most disturbing footage ever committed to videotape. How on Earth did you come to the conclusion that this was something people wanted to buy?
I think that part of the reason SLAP HAPPY was so successful was because it was different. Anabolic won an Adult Video News award for ROUGH SEX. SLAP HAPPY was merely my interpretation of that style of sex. I produced it, performed in it, and edited it. If I did another couples-friendly video with the same boring, condom-clad robots, no one would have cared. Instead, I unleased a blowjob-on-steroids video that woke people up. Love it or hate it, you have an opinion of it.

2. There are only four videos, in addition to a best of compilation that was just released by Armageddon Entertainment...Why’d you stop making these videos?..and what’s your beef with Extreme Entertainment?
The videos were stopped after Volume 4 simply because I had not been paid by Rob "Deadbeat" Black. He would tell me to put things on an invoice. Fine. Except that month after month went by and I had not been paid. He was asking for SLAP HAPPY #5 but had not paid me for #1. How messed up is that? I admire Deadbeat Black for his ability to spend his father's money, but apart from that, he is nothing. He is a liar and a thief. He is not a self-made man and one day he will fulfill his manifest destiny of becoming the biggest failure in adult when he bankrupts clan Zicari (his family name). The wrestling company debacle should tap the coffers quicker than Kid Vegas can fill them up. I am sure I will not be the last person in this business to be cheated by Deadbeat Black. I know of many other talent, suppliers, and former workers at Extreme who left on bad terms. It's no secret that they bounce checks to talent more than any other company. All the while, Deadbeat Black drives his Mercedes Benz. A friend informed me that it was repossessed last year after Deadbeat Black tried to pull the slow-pay manouvre on the car company. Got to pay the car, asshole! You can't bullshit your way off a tow truck.

3. Explain the process by which you convince an 18 year-old girl to agree to be gagged with a dick until she vomits all over herself.
The process by which a model was hired for SLAP HAPPY was no different than hiring for any other sexual performance. I explained the job and what it entailed. I asked her if she could handle it. If she did not think it was for her, that was fine. Good luck, there are plenty of jobs out there for women who will have sex for money. If she felt like she would give it a try, we would shoot it on the spot. 12 minutes of whatever she could take. To be perfectly honest, I tried to hire the girls that gave the ultra-submissive vibe (naturally!). They were the ones who could take it to the next level. Girls like Claudia Atkins, Gia Regency, and Fawnna. It was the personalities of these girls that allowed them to perform as they did. Let's face it: a girl can say stop at any time. If she pushes herself, it demonstrates a willingness to exceed the minimum requirements of the job. I truly believe that these women are no different than the rest of society: they want to be the best at what they do. Seriously.

4. There are four films, approximately six scenes per film, which comes to about 24 girls in the SLAP HAPPY series total...If you had this many girls agree to be in the videos, how many refused?
By way of correction, I think there are 12 girls, on average, in each volume of SLAP HAPPY. I know that the first one had 12 women. I am not sure how many womenn refused to do the series, but I know that I had a good track record of convincing a model to be open to the idea. Some scenes are very strong while others are tame. It really was up to the woman how far to take the energy.

5. Ever been sued over videos you produced and/or directed?
I am proud to say that I have never been sued for anything I have produced....and rightfully so. It is completely legal and consensual. The same first amendment that protects Wicked Pictures protects Angel vomitting up her lunch in SLAP HAPPY #1. What galls me is that many so-called protectors of free speech complained to Adult Video News when SLAP HAPPY got Spotlight Pick in February 2001. These hypocrites may not have liked the product, but they should have been first in line to protect my right to produce it. Is boring pornography any less abhorrent to America than SLAP HAPPY??

6. Are you sexually aroused by watching young girls gag, cry, and vomit all over themselves?
No, I am not sexually aroused by watching girls cry, etc. I AM, however, intensely keen on the idea of changing how pornography is made and interpreted in 2002. As I write this, I am sitting in an internet cafe in Amsterdam. A few blocks away in the Red Light District you can buy videos which feature women fellating horses or having sex with dogs. You can also watch women being defecated or urinated upon. I don't have to go on and on. The point is simple: if you don't like it, don't consume it. If SLAP HAPPY offends your delicate sensibilities, go watch something you DO like. As the motto for Hustler says, "Relax! It's just sex."

7. What’s the percentage of drug addicts and/or runaways featured in your videos?
About the same as any fringe element of society, I suppose. It is faulty reasoning to assume that all these women are messed up in the head. After doing the adult business for several years, I know one thing for sure: there are some women who enjoy rough sex. Conversely, there are some men who enjoy watching women engaged in rough sex. They are not good or bad, they are just human.

8. OK, Hypothetical Situation: You’re contracted by a wealthy investor to make a video for his private collection. Which of the following would you have the LEAST problem producing?
a) A bestiality video in which a bull is fellated, and then slaughtered, carved up, and served up as steak.
b) You have to smash a girl (who is of legal age, and has fully consented to this, by the way) over the head with a shovel, render her unconscious, and then watch as 30 guys beat off all over her.
c) An Asian fetish video in which a hundred men vomit and defecate into a trash barrel, and then feed it to a group of young women.
I would have no problem filming a bull fucking a cow, then slaughtering the bull and serving steaks to the 100 asian men. Once the protein has built up some good loads, I would pay $1,000,000 to the girl who was willing to get hit with the shovel to do a bukkake. (No hitting, but she would have to drink the loads.)Everyone wins!

9. Another hypothetical situation: You’re offered ten million dollars to go down on a guy (this is assuming you’re not gay); who would you choose:
a) Ron Jeremy
b) Tom Byron
c) Peter North
d) Mr. Marcus (gotta be racially diverse, you know)
That is a line that I am not interested in crossing. I would probably just offer 5 million to someone else and pocket the other 5. I have never been in this business for the money. I really would rather do this than any other job.

10. Does producing pornography take its toll on your conscience, or do you sleep happily at night on a big pile of hundred dollar bills?
Pornography is not as lucrative as you think. I have to work to make ends meet just like everyone else. That is what kills me about Deadbeat Black at Extreme Associates. People work hard for you. You don't fuck them over. Simple, right? That is a lesson he obviously hasn't learned yet. Everyday, Deadbeat would get a private blowjob from some new girl and pay her $200 or $250. Hey, asshole! Why not keep it in your pants (Lizzy Borden is your girlfriend, after all) and pay off some of the people that work hard for you. I think it is interesting to look at the revolving door at Extreme. All these people had a falling out with Deadbeat Black. Some over money, some over other issues. All left and have not looked back: Luciano (now producing critically-acclaimed videos for West Coast Productions), Kriti Myst, Jessica Darlin, Luis Cypher, Derek Newblood, Slain Wayne, Francesca Le, Mark Wood (because he is my friend), and a host of other office staff. Look for some current directors to hit the exit in the next year. Guys like Kid Vegas amuse me. He doesn't get it. Let's see. Luciano was in, now he is out and they make fun of him. I was in, now I am out, and they make fun of me. What do you think is the next chapter in this story??

11. Tell us about the foulest thing you’ve ever witnessed on a porno video set/shoot.
The foulest thing I have ever witnessed was seeing Kristi Myst break down in front of everyone on the set of IN THE DAYS OF WHORE. Tom Zupko was directing. Kristi was sodomized by 3 guys for several hours when she was informed that 7 actors dressed as monks would also sodomize her. She had previously consented only to being pissed on my the monks. Anyways, Kristi had had enough. She was crying and said she would quit after the scene was over. 20 minutes of consolation in the arms of Tom Byron convinced her to give up her rosy rectum so that Deadbeat Black could go on driving his Mercedes. It was terrible to see a pretty girl like Kristi, who always gave 100% during her scenes, reduced to a blubbering mass of broken ass. Not to compare atrocities, but I would contend that nothing in SLAP HAPPY approached the level of discomfort that Kristi Myst was put through that day. I am sorry that I was there to see it.

12. Who’s the biggest dirtbag in the adult video industry?
The biggest dirtbag in the adult business is hands-down Rob "Deadbeat" Black. I say this not out of spite or the fact that he refuses to pay me an outstanding balance of $2,000. I say this because he is a liar, a thief, and has conned people out of what they are rightfully owed by his company.
Specifically:
- Deadbeat Black does not pay his actors/actresses when they are supposed to be paid. He has his directors book talent, shoot scenes, then the endless string of phone calls to be paid begins;
- Deadbeat Black has knowingly defrauded people who work for him by giving them bad checks. One talent agent loves telling the story of how a single check failed to clear 6 consecutive times!
- Deadbeat Black slow-pays even the most persistent performers by making them come to the office to be paid. Women can be paid sooner if they blow the accountant, but then again the check may bounce. Decisions, decisions.
- Deadbeat Black fails to pay developers for their work making slides of the photos taken during the sex scenes. Once he is cut off, he will make minimum payments.
- Deadbeat Black stabs people in the back, even people that did good work for him. Witness Jewel De'Nyle's treatment on his website. It was alleged that her father committed incest. She did great scenes for Tom Byron and Luciano. Did she deserve to be publically smeared like that? I don't think so.
- Deadbeat Black cheats on his girlfriend/fiance Lizzy Borden with a frequency that would make most rabbits jealous. He gets blown in his office regularly, or at least he did when I worked there. I know, because he would ask me for the phone numbers for the women.
- Deadbeast Black cheats the consumer by putting out compilation tapes and pretending they are new releases. (ie: every 10th volume of EXTREME TEEN is a comp). It is unfair to fans who deserve better.
- Deadbeat Black cheats the IRS by doing cash-under-the-table deals with store owners and distributors who come directly to the office and pay cash.
No single thing Deadbeat Black does qualifies him as the biggest scumbag in the business, but the combination of crap overflows in this rotund piece of Extreme excrement.
- Rob, you reap what you sow.

13. What’s next for the guy who produced SLAP HAPPY? (figured we’d give you a chance to plug something)
I am partners with Mark Wood in a production company. We currently do 3 lines: TRY-A-TEEN and ALL ABOUT ASS for Legend; and RAMPAGE for West Coast Productions. In Las Vegas this past January, TRY-A-TEEN won Best New Series from Adult Stars Magazine.

Thanks for letting me vent! May this now rest in peace so that we can all get on with our lives and make some good pornography.
Direct feedback can be given directly at brandoniron_99@yahoo.com. Take care, Brandon

Jeez, someone needed to vent, eh? I'd like to personally thank Brandon for creating the centerpiece of my (and many other people's) porno stash, the SLAP HAPPY videos...and for providing us with a rage-filled, mud-slinging interview. """