INTERVIEW WITH ADULT MODEL CRYSTAL KLEIN

Strap in, kids...you're in for a treat with this interview. Well, it's ALWAYS a treat visually when we interview the lovely ladies, but it's more of a treat when a gal has a decent head on her shoulders. Such is the case with the ultra-beautiful CRYSTAL KLEIN. Born in Austria, and a current resident of Hawaii, this blonde hottie wants it made very clear that she is NOT a porn star, but rather a nude model, and fully intends on going back to school to finish her degree in psychology when she's had her fill of the modelling gig. Now that we've taken care of that, let's roll the interview...

Steve C: OK, let's get the important stuff out of the way. What are you wearing at this very moment? (no lying. We have satellites with big cameras on 'em...and underwear sniffing dogs).

Crystal Klein: That’s easy. Absolutely nothing. Have you ever been to Hawaii in the summer? It’s f***ing hot.I sleep naked, I clean naked, I write my e-mail naked and I cook naked.;-) (Holy Moley, this interview is starting off wonderfully. She's NAKED! ...and of course we believe her!)

Steve C: I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that one...or a bunch...of your members have sent you nude photos of himself to try to get a date. What was the end result of these photos being mailed, and would you recommend this to any other fella who might be tempted to lure himself an internet hottie?

Crystal Klein: To be honest, I just had one so far who was confident enough to send me a nude pic of himself. I had a good old laugh. Anyone who wants to contribute to my very own amusement, please go ahead and send me one. It won’t turn me on, it’ll make me laugh. Leave it to women to take off ALL their clothes. (hear that, fellas? Keep your goddamn clothes on)


Oh lord...THIS woman sleeps NAKED? Click the pic, fool.

Steve C: You were born in Austria in 1981. Other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wiener Schnitzel, and Nazis, tell me something Austria is known for/proud of that we might not be aware of.

Crystal Klein: Red Bull! (it’s an Austrian company, founded and led by a real Austrian!!! Can you imagine????) The world’ best skiers! (granted, you have Bode Miller but that is one to like 20 in Austria – we win absolutely everything!!!! You’ve heard of Herman Maier, yes?) The world’s best snowboard brands and ski brands! And you forgot to mention Freud and Mozart up there. And the movie “Sound of music”, which was all about the beautiful landscape in Austria. We are not so bad, actually. (OK, now everyone nod, smile, and pretend like you all know who Herman Maier...oh wait, he's that championship skiing guy, right?)

Steve C: Crystal, you were in school in Vienna to study psychology, and after three years, you burned out and headed for Maui to surf and model swimsuits. Was this just a classic case of student burnout, or was there one specific incident that caused you to alter your course (ie; did you climb up to the roof of the administration building with a sniper rifle one day after studying for three days straight?)

Crystal Klein: What, did your newspapers write about it too?! (Umm, yes. Yes, they did)No, but seriously, there was nothing in particular that made me emigrate. I always knew I wouldn’t wanna spend the rest of my life in Austria – I just felt like I didn’t fit in. A lot of people are very narrow minded and conservative there, and the words “flexible” and “spontaneous” don’t really exist in their vocabulary. There is always some tension in the air….
For a while I though I might not have the guts to break out of there, but gradually I became hungrier and hungrier to experience life out there, because as an A-grade student for all those years, I felt there was definitely more out there for me.

Steve C: You have stated in your Bio that you want to finish your studies and become a psychotherapist. What kind of therapy are we talking about? Do you want to treat undersexed, overweight housewives, or criminally insane people who talk to cockroaches?

Crystal Klein: At some point in my studies I really considered going into criminology because I was so fascinated by their sick minds and I wanted to find out more about it. But I realized that this path would have a major impact on my personal life and that you really need to be a very strong person in order not to loose your faith in human nature…
I am pretty sure I want to do behavior therapy (the anti Freud therapy – sorry all you Freudians, I am not a big fan of psychoanalysis), with emphasis on teenagers that struggle with eating disorders, anxiety, depression, phobias and addiction…I believe that a lot can be fixed in that period of their lives in order to prevent them from ending up as treatment resistant and neurotic adults. (sound advice for bitchy grown-ups who sit in therapy several times a week)

Steve C: Let's say, for the sake of argument that you've finished school, and you're a practicing psychotherapist. A young man comes to see you for treatment for an odd ailment. You see, this fellow swears that he's not gay, and photos of nude men do nothing to excite him. However, when he spots the bowl of bananas and oranges on your bookcase, he sprouts a mighty erection, and begins to shake with nervous sexual energy. How would you treat this young man?

Crystal Klein: That’s easy. I’d send him home with one of those bananas and tell him to stick it up his ass, and if it does something for him, then he either has a fruit fetish or – more likely - he is gay, whether he likes it or not. (Wow, I never thought of it like that; I should call my mother and break the news)


Don't act like you wouldn't shove a banana up your butt if she told you to.

Steve C: You come from a very academic family, and you have stated in past interviews that you don't crave celebrity or fame. Considering the career path you have chosen (at least for the moment), how do you deal with everyone else who IS craving celebrity, fame, and fortune?

Crystal Klein: To be honest, a lot of times I feel sorry for them…The concentration of people desperately craving their two minutes of fame is especially strong in LA. I recently got an apartment in West Hollywood where I stay when I’m there for work, and every morning when we went to the Coffee Bean on Sunset, it was so full of posers and wannabe rockstars, directors,. Models or writers, that we named it “Poser Bean”. I have to say that it almost repulses me. Everything about them seems so fake, so unauthentic.
Obviously, in the adult industry there are a lot of attention seekers too. It’s probably the easiest field of entertainment to get at least a little bit of the spotlight. At least that’s true for porn. No need for a real talent if you want a few minutes of fame.
It’s different if you really wanna build a name for yourself, especially as a centerfold model that doesn’t do hardcore stuff. You have to be a skilled businesswoman with a certain strategy, otherwise it’s hard to compete with the hardcore industry. (That response alone should convince a large number of people to stay away from showbusiness...and the adult business especially)

Steve C: When you first started modeling in Maui, we're told you had a rather unpleasant experience with one of the first men to photograph you in a swimsuit. Who was it, and what exactly happened? Also, what advice would you give to an aspiring young model to avoid the same situation?

Crystal Klein: How did you find out about that???? I like to keep silent about it…lol But seriously, the sad thing is, this guys is still around!!!! I’ve just found out about two girls I know that shot with him just recently and they had the same kind of experience. The problem is, he doesn’t go as far as to actually touch you or anything, therefore you can’t press charges against him but it is pretty clear that he is a horny old fart…
He offered to shoot a a little movie with me, with the faces blurred out, because he is “blessed with a huge cock and you’d enjoy it and would make a fortune out of it!”. Obviously I am not stupid enough to buy this shit.
He basically is an old pervert that puts ads in the newspaper for “artistic printwork” (artistic obviously refers to the “blurring out faces” part lol), and then he shoots the girls for the amateur contests in Hustler or others and charges 50$ of what the girl makes. He is still trying to sue me because he thinks he made my career and wants money from me. Isn’t that hilarious? (Blech...what a scumbag...and thanks to buddy Luke Ford for the heads up on that story.)

Steve C: I should clarify for anyone reading this that you are NOT a porn star, nor do you want to be. What do you consider the biggest flaw with that industry and the girls who work in/around it?

Crystal Klein: That’s right, I am NOT a pornstar, and it seems very hard for people to distinguish here…Even in search engines I find my name associated with the word “pornstar”. It annoys the shit out of me…
For me the difference lies here: everything that is still about the beauty and natural eroticism of a woman is not porn for me. As soon as it’s just about fucking and banging, no one cares anymore how expressive the girl’s eyes are or how sensual her lips…That’s porn.
That’s one thing that bothers me about the industry: that the internet is plastered with low quality gonzo stuff and pop ups…It’s disgusting sometimes…
Another thing that I hate is the greediness in this industry. Of course you can find that in every field that has the big bucks, but unfortunately the porn biz seems to have the shadiest and most reckless people of them all. And I came to see that this is not a cliché. That’s why the porn industry and everything remotely to do with it has such a bad reputation.
And that’s sad for all those who are really professional and honest people and want to improve the quality of erotic content out there. Because they exist!
But you gotta be smart to figure out who the ones are you can trust, and some of the girls never do…that’s very unfortunate.
I wish the girls that do porn and get their five minutes of fame would be able to put it all in perspective…I mean, it’s just the porn world who really knows about them, but they begin to live in a bubble where they think they achieved something great. To get an award for the best blowjob is not really a world changing event…(Brav-fucking-O! I was wondering when someone was actually going to articulate this)
Again, not all the the girls are like that, there are some smart ones too that know exactly what they are doing. No rule without exception, right? (Bingo...for the record, there are a number of girls in the adult business ...many of whom we have spoken with...who know EXACTLY what they're doing with themselves and are very aware of their places in the universe...very much the exceptions)

Steve C: Crystal, with all of the gigabytes of adult content and naked ladies on the internet, why should someone spend $13 a month on YOUR website? First of all, if you compare this price with other sites, you will find it’s the best deal you can get. Secondly, each photoset and video is shot in highest quality and with love for the detail. I have a great team by my side that makes sure my site is updated 5 times a week (M-F) You get to see me with other girls that I handpick, because I just want the best and prettiest girls on my site, and I especially feature newcomers. I know that people are tired of seeing me with girls that they can see for free all over the internet.
I am on my messageboards every single day, I do live chats almost every week, I update my diary with stories and pics of my daily live - I hardly ever go anywhere without my camera, so I have a huge candid collection... You get the REAL Crystal on my site, I’m not trying to fool anyone.

Steve C: Describe, if you wouldn't mind...the perfect sandwich.

Crystal Klein: Well, to be honest, Sandwiches are really not big in Austria! Obviously I know what you are talking about, and yes, i have eaten quite a few in my life, but if I have the choice between a sandwich and something else, I rather eat "something else" (which includes everything except for liver and frog legs). So you can see how much I am into sandwiches. I don't like your guys' bread here. Awful. Austria seems to be the only country with decent bread. I am just having my Mom here and she is almost dying because of the poor choice of bread. You know how yammit real "black bread " (that's how we call it) can be when it's freshly baked? Or sunflower seed bread? Oh man, there are so many more I'd love to tell you about...No time though. Gotta go. Any way, we don't like your bread, therefore we don't like sandwiches. Period. (Dammit. Now I'm hungry. Sammich time!)


Mmmm... no sandwiches.

Steve C: If I were to rummage through your porno collection, what titles/types of videos would I find?

Crystal Klein: Sorry dude, none…I don’t have a single one. I was never into porn movies, and now that I have been in contact with the hardcore porn industry, they definitely don’t do anything for me anymore…
Everything more artsy is more my thing. Think of Andrew Blake for example. Now I’m working on my first DVD and want it to be something very sensual and erotic, something that is different from what you usually see. (Well, you have to hand it to her for the Blake reference. If you're going to go artsy and erotic...Andrew Blake is the guy)

Steve C: Descartes is credited with the founding of reflex theory, or the body's automatic reaction in response to external events. For instance, if I were to throw a potted plant at your head, your natural reaction might be to duck quickly as to avoid connecting with it. However, if I were to throw a meatloaf-sized stack of 100-dollar bills at your head with equal force, what might your reflex be?

Crystal Klein: What if I said I come to your studio and we’ll try it out? hehe
(Damn, I knew the Descartes reference would work, but I didn't know it would work THAT well! Damn... wait, maybe it was the lure of all those hundreds. Shit. She's coming over now.)

Much thanks to Crystal for some fantastic answers to some stupid questions. Be sure to check out her website, CRYSTALKLEIN.com.

Extra thanks go to the nice folks at Danni's Hard Drive for hooking us up with Crystal.