13 QUESTIONS WITH ERIK TURNER FROM WARRANT

WARRANT. You remember them from the late 80's and such songs as "Cherry Pie", "Uncle Tom's Cabin", "Heaven", "I Saw Red" and a whole slew of cheeseball glam metal songs. After losing several record deals, marriages, and fortunes, and replacing several personnel, the band has finally found its home touring across the country in these 80's Rock Package Tours...Like the one that just wrapped up with WHITSENAKE, SLAUGHTER, and KIP WINGER. That's how these bands make their money now, and they're damn happy to do it.

There's only three original members left in Warrant now; Jani, Jerry, and Erik. The rest are fresh out of high school; right around the time you can dupe a kid into working for nothing (Actually, that's not entirely accurate. Billy Morris may be slightly over 18). We got a hold of Erik Turner on his day off, and prayed he'd answer a few softball questions...and then prepare for a barrage of curve balls to the crotch. Here's Erik's '13 Questions':

SteveC: Warrant just wrapped up the "Rock Never Stops" tour with WHITESNAKE, SLAUGHTER, and KIP WINGER, and now you're headed back to the clubs. What's the most difficult adjustment you have to make after coming off a big tour, playing 10,000 seaters to playing 500 - 800 person nightclubs and sports bars?

Erik Turner: Fitting all our gear on a smaller stage ;-) We have been playing clubs since we first got together and we love playing anywhere there is cold beer, loud crazy people and green money.

SC: Out of all the package tours you guys have done in the past few years (Glam Slam Metal Jam, Rock Fest 02, Rock Never Stops), Which bands have been the most angelic to work with, and which ones deserve to be beaten with a pillowcase full of doorknobs, and why?

ET: All three of those summers were great. We love touring and get along with most everybody. Some band members get along better than others, but everybody has been pretty cool. No big fights like the 80’s ;-) (I don't believe that for a second, but this is HIS interview. Let's continue, shall we?)

SC: Erik, I've read over and over that "Jani is such a great songwriter" and that when he brings a song to WARRANT, he's about 90% finished with the music and lyrics. Is this process going to change at all by the time you guys put out a new disc? Obviously, you're not dealing with the millions of dollars in publishing royalties you might have been 15 years ago, but wouldn't it be nice to collect a little more coin for your efforts?

ET: Jani is the best songwriter in our band and that’s what it’s all about. Making the best music you can. When we started making records we didn’t know what songwriting publishing was. That said, since our fourth record “Ultraphobic” everybody in the band has been writing for Warrant. But only the songs that we think are great will make it.

SC: When we interviewed Joey Allen, he said that when he quit the band, he called you, original drummer Steven Sweet, and Jerry. He "never called Lane because he didn’t and doesn’t deserve my respect." We've heard stories of Jani's business ethics, alcoholism, and bailing on gigs, but what do YOU think Jani is doing exactly to piss his former 'mates off so horribly?

ET: Some people get along after a divorce and some people don’t. Being in a band is like being married in a lot of ways. When shit goes bad, it can get ugly and almost always does. Peoples feelings / egos get hurt etc…… Joey quit and Steven was fired, two very different situations that happened at the lowest point in Warrant history. It wasn’t a good time to be member of Warrant in 93 / 94. I still consider Joey one of my best friends, even though we don’t get to hang that often. Steven was never really close to anybody in Warrant.

SC: What do you look for when buying a new guitar; tone, feel, type of wood, thickness of neck... or pointy with airbrushed tits?

ET: First of all, I don’t buy guitars ;-) Pointy tits are very important when choosing a guitar. Our old drummer # 7 Mike Fasano introduced us to Cameron, the owner of GMPGuitars.com 3 or 4 years ago and we have been playing them ever since. By far the best guitars I own, they play great, sound great and most of all look great. (Yeah, sure. I still think nothing makes a guitar like a nice big set of airbrushed tits)

SC: At any point (especially during the filming of the "Heaven" video), did you guys ever look at one another in your respective white leather studded outfits and say "Holy shit, this is so queer!" ?

ET: No, we thought maybe this might be considered gay 13 years later, but never queer. I think there is a difference, but I don’t really know. The good thing is we are still talking about it all these years later. Nobody ever talks about the black leather some band was wearing in video 10 years ago. (Heeey, wait a second. YOU guys were wearing black leather 10 years ago...Just check out the insert on the Dog Eat Eog disc.)

SC: Some of the paintings in the art section of your website look like they were done by a fourth-grader. Is that the style you were going for, or are you actually mass-producing these things in a sweatshop with a bunch of fourth-graders?

ET: Now your getting personal, talk shit about my band but not my art! The sweatshop rumors are true, I’m making millions, no Billions off my Kathy Lee workers. Seriously though, your offending my clients, not cool Dude. I sold two paintings last month ;-)

(Yeah, he sold two...to institutes for the blind...wakka wakka They thought they were buying self-portraits. Oh who knows? We know dick about selling art, so if he can make make money, then God bless)

SC: Hypothetical situation: A mushy little bald fella approaches you, and asks you to construct and maintain an adult website for him; The site will be called "Heads Up, Bitch"...or headsupbitch.com, and involves a house filled with lovely young ladies all fornicating all day long, but at random times of the day, a lunatic with a Louisville slugger runs into a random room, finds some daffy chick in mid-coitus, and cracks her upside the head. Do you take the job? and if so, what's something like that going to cost?

ET: 10 bucks an hour sound fair? (Dude, that's MORE than fair. In fact, I'd ask for a licensing deal on top of it; just something that distances you from intense litigation. You'll make gazillions. The world loves bloody ladies, I tells ya.)

SC: The "ET" logo at ErikTurner.com looks suspiciously like the "ET" logo from Entertainment Tonight. Do you worry that the Paramount lawyers may send you a dreaded "Cease and Desist" letter, or even worse, that Mary Hart and Bob Goen may kick down your door, commando-style and blow you away for tarnishing their sacred logo?

ET: That would be Rad. I love Bob Goen, he fucking Rocks! The lawsuit would be bring a lot of people to my site and I can hire more fourth grader slaves at 10 cents a day, if K.L. can spare them, for all the paintings I sell, Cool. Can you make that happen? (Anyone who EVER utters the phrase, "Bob Goen Rocks"... is lying...and is about to be served with a Cease and Desist letter. Bob Goen is a plastic talking head on a daily entertainment news program. He most certainly does not "Rock")

SC: Erik, after being one of the three consistent members of WARRANT for the over the past fifteen years, and watching a revolving door of musicians come and go, at what point do you think the band is obligated to stop calling itself WARRANT? When it's down to two original members? one original member? Jani and a table full of sock puppets?

ET: Jani and the sock puppets is a could time to change the name. Until then, we will stick with Warrant

SC: We've heard that before signing on to do the Whitesnake tour, you tried to get Steven Sweet to rejoin the band (which obviously didn't happen). What DID happen there, and what do YOU think it would take to get Joey and Steven to rejoin the band for a summer tour? Is it strictly a money thing, or are the wounds deeper than that?

ET: It’s always cool when you go see a band with all the original members, but it’s not meant to be for Warrant. Maybe some day, never say never.

SC: You've done some work for Gene Simmons putting together that big-ass book, Kisstory II, and some even say he's your Mentor. Have you ever seen Gene's big collection of sexual conquest photos, and what's the best piece of advice Gene ever gave you?

ET: If I saw the book, he would have to kill me. No one sees the book but Gene, until it comes out on his publishing company. It’s safe to say it would be a best seller. It was a great expierence working for Gene. He’s got a great sense of humor that people don’t seem to talk about much because his tongue is so long. “ The harder I work, The luckier I get."

SC: Given the fact that it's not 1988 anymore, and that defined physique is not as easy to come by as it used to, which member of WARRANT would you say is the most in danger of developing a serious case of man-boobs? (other than Jani, of course, because we all know he has the tendency to puff up like a sea frog when not on tour)

ET: Now that’s a stupid question, me of course. Just look at my photos at: ErikTurner.com (I dunno...I still think Jani Lane is taking the man boob award. Hands-down, no contest. C'mon, they're fun, you can dip 'em in chocolate and wiggle them in front of the ladies!...not that we'd WANT to, but one could if one were so inclined)



SC: Hypothetical situation #2: A middle-eastern man in an Armani suit approaches you with a briefcase filled with $1,000,000 for you to render one of two services:

A) You can sell him one of your original paintings, but the painting is going to adorn the wall of Osama Bin Laden's cave (assuming he's alive, that is) and used as a backdrop every time he makes one of his zany video announcements...

or B) You can wolf down a ceral bowl of this man's own excrement (which, considering he's middle-eastern, is bound to be quite bulky and fiberous).

Do you decorate the terrorist's wall, or scarf down the poo?

ET: I let you eat the shit, and if you die, I sell the painting with a tracking device on the back. If you live, I sell the painting with a tracking device on the back. And everybody is happy ;-) (Why do I have to eat the shit? Where's my payoff? You see, I don't think you thought that through. I need incentive when staring down a big bowl of poo.)



ET: The End

(Damn right, the end! Sheesh, I was hoping that just a little mud would be thrown around in that one. He basically just allowed us to tool on him for 13 questions. He did tell ME to go eat shit a few times, so that's a plus. Oh well, he deserves some more pluggage after that):

CLICK HERE FOR WARRANTEB.NET, WARRANT'S OFFICIAL HOMEMPAGE

CLICK HERE TO ORDER SOME OF ERIK'S PAINTINGS...WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN MADE BY UNDERPAID MIGRANT GUATEMALAN WOMEN IN SWEATSHOPS.

Stay tuned for Jani Lane...coming to an open bar or buffet near you!