13 QUESTIONS WITH RICH VOS

Rich Vos is currently a contestant on NBC's hit reality tv show, Last Comic Standing. We'd like to thank Rich for gracing us with his presence  and answering some of our questions. He took as long to think about his responses as I do when pondering what brand of toilet paper to buy.  We know your time is valuable, Rich.

This interview was conducted by e-mail. I sent him the questions, he responded. Some questions have been censored without my permission.

1. ‘Last Comic Standing’ is a show that’s supposed to showcase “amateur comedians”. Rich, you’ve been at this for TWENTY years. If you’re not a professional by now, what the fuck are you?

Vos: The show was for any comics, their were guys who have been doing comedy as long as me that didn't even get past the first round.

2. When is the last time you spoke to Paul Mecurio? What did you speak about?

Vos: He gave me his side of the St. Patricks story. I really don't see him to much, we don't run in the same circles.

3.You insulted Caroline Rhea on national television on the first episode of “last comic standing”… Was it because she refused to have sex with you?

Vos: I would rather have sex with Steve C.

4.Which is the larger number? The number of hairs on your chest or the number of women who refused to have sex with you?

Vos: I hope this is not Jeff's question, a guy who if he had a chance to get laid, he couldn't do it, because he would not want to wake his parents. Chest hairs. (Ouch, you really burnt me on that one, Rich.)

5.What percentage of female comedians are truly awful?

Vos:  Not being PC cause you know I am not, but most comics in general stink. There are only a few I truly thing are funny. Norton, Patrice, Colin, Dave Mordal, JB Soove, Florintine, Sara Silverman, a few more. Funny is funny doesn't matter if your a guy or a girl. just wish there was some hotter female comics, so I could try to get them on the road with me.

6.Your website stinks. Would you please let FMJeff update the fucking thing with something more befitting of your reputation and stature in the industry?

Vos:  Jeff is a lazy zero, he was going to help with my site, but he was side tracked with his unemployment. (Partly true...I was unemployed but I am not lazy.)

7.In the previews for next week’s episode of “Last Comic”, you’re seen playing tennis with one of the other comics. How much time at that house was spent in that faggoty tank-top, showing off those delicious pectorals of yours?

Vos:  I wore my tank top as much as I could, you never know when some young hot low self esteem girl trying to get even were her dad, watch's me and is impressed by my teenage looking body.

8.On Last Comic Standing, your comedy was supposedly judged by a panel of your "peers" in the entertainment industry. How do you feel about this, considering that most of those judges were middle acts?

Vos: I would say they are co middles.

9. Hypothetical situation: You’re stuck in a room with two other comedians who are as good, if not better, than you. One of which is a woman, one of which is a morbidly obese man. Who gets targeted first by the Rich Vos “Brand of Humor”?

Vos: The female, because I will probably have a better chance of getting head from the fat guy.

10. Now that one of the major outlets to showcase your material (old and repetitive as it is) is gone (The O&A show), how hard is it to attract crowds to clubs you perform at?

Vos: When O and A were on I could not attrck crowds, I think this show will do good for me, and hopefully O and A will be back soon. Man they were great to comics. I really do miss doing their show.

11. Let’s say (or pray) that you’re hit by a bus on 9th avenue in Manhattan tomorrow. What’s regret(s) are you going to have about your life and/or career?

Vos: A regret question, Jesus talk about stock interviews. My only regret is I did not pull out when I was banging Kid Afrikas mother. (Messageboard humor. You're gonna win, Rich.)

12. You recently traveled to Rio with fellow comedians Patrice O’Neal and Jim Norton. Norton described Rio as “heaven” because of all the cheap hookers. Tell us about the experience…and the hookers.

Vos: I will answer when I have more time, I will tell you there were some really hot gals in Rio, even Jeff could get laid, as long as he did not promise to help anyone with their website.

13. Hypothetical situation: One night at a club, you’re approached by two women. Both are extremely attractive, but one is a stripper and one is a comedienne. Which one do you go for?

Vos: Which ever one would lay between me and Norton.

Well, there you have it folks. Anyone who needs a Vivarin after reading this humdinger of an interview can email me at jeff@foundrymusic.com. In Rich's defense...his act is very funny. No really, it is. I mean it.