UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE WITH DAVE MORDAL

Dave Mordal has done it all. An Ex-Marine, a heavy equipment operator, a botched hometown gas station hold-up, and now a stand up comedian. Dave came out of Nowhere, MN makeing it to the big time comedy spotlight, much to the enjoyment of cringe-humor fans everywhere. Best known as Rich Vos' "partner" and bathtub playmate, he was most recently the victim of stereotypical Asian cliché's on NBC's 'LAST COMIC STANDING'. His only contribution to the show: "I made coffee. That's my only talent. Even in a rough environment, I need Java. I used the garbage disposal to grind the beans, and at times made my own filters out of toilet paper, but we had coffee. Good coffee." With that talent, wit, and charm, we decided to call up Dave, just to annoy him.

Sexbagel: First off, you are who again?

Dave Mordal: I'm Campbell Brown's future husband, she's the NBC white house correspondent.

SB: Did we pull you away from anything interesting?

DM: Sock sorting. One of life's never ending battles.

SB: Give us a look into the inner psyche that is ‘Dave Mordal’. Explain to us your comedic experience from when you started to where you are today.

DM: :No Comment:

SB: Does ‘Vos’ owe you money? Is he dodgin’ you?

DM: I actually owe Vos money. we went halfsy's on a hooker and I didn't have any cash.

SB: Ok, you probably were expecting the following themed questions, so let’s get them out of the way. We all know that you recently lost a very big competition. I'm surprised you hadn’t thrown in the towel. I mean come on, that was a HUGE opportunity that could have been a big break for you professionally. If they decide to do another one, would you try again for the 'Twin Cities Funniest Person' award?

DM: That competition is an amateur contest so I'm not eligible. Which stops me from losing it once again.

At this point, Steve C interjected with some questions of his own. Which is fine, but it doesn't stop me from making him look ambiguous by posting them in very feminine Easter colors.

Steve C: Dave, when you were sitting precariously in that hot tub with the oh-so attractive Rich Vos, describe the feelings you had (sexual or non sexual) toward a man of his impressiveness.

DM: I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who finds the man attractive. Once you look past his 5 foot 2 inch stature and his picket fence teeth, you see a man who's not all that repulsive. As I sat in the tub with him I was thinking, "if every woman on earth suddenly disappeared, I could easily find time to have coffee with Rich Vos once a month".

Steve C: Explain, if you would please, the most destructive urge you felt toward another member of the 'Last Comic Standing' household.

DM: There was a time when I wanted to write some new material in Dat's notebook when he wasn't looking. I felt that might really throw him.

Having said his piece, he punches me incredibly hard in the face and returns to work on this site.

Sexbagel: People of Asian-decent tend make better electronics, are better at math, make affordable transportation. Hell they even gave us ‘Cup O’Noodles’. Now they're excelling in comedy. What is left for America?'

DM: I think that once they're able to pronounce their 'R's, they'll rule the free world.

SB: Doing another 'reality' series or a walk on role on 'Pick A Color'. Which would be more painful.

DM: I Think being involved with "pick a color" would be the most painful. Especially since it could very well be the exact same episode every week. I'm currently writing a new reality series called "straight eye for the queer guy" I'm taking 5 straight males and we do makeovers on extremely flamboyant homosexual men. It's just to show them that they really don't need to be so attention starved.

SB: I read somewhere that NBC still approached you and Vos with some kind of development deal? If that’s true, what do you have in the works?

DM: We haven't met with the network executives yet as to what they have in mind for us. Rich and I could very well be the next big key grips for NBC.

SB: Having done 'L.C.S.', have you noticed Jay Mohr now “borrowing” some of your material?

DM: I haven't heard that. But then should he want to lose a contest, I wouldn't blame him if he borrowed a little.

SB: Three part Question: You have worked on the PBS special ‘Money Matters with Louie Anderson’.

1. Did Louie try to solicit you in any way?
2. Do you have any blackmail on him? If so, would you accept his attempt to pay you off in food?
3. How often was he sweating? Eating? Sweating while eating?

DM:

1. He did not.
2. I do. I'm not much of a food guy, but Louie and I do smoke the same cigs. I'd accept those.
3. He doesn't seem to sweat much, but then I'm probably too old to make him nervous. You never want me to work again do you?

SB: Who would you sellout to?

DM: Who haven't I sold out to? That happens the first time you're paid for comedy.

SB: Hypothetical Situation: A radio show has a contest where couples roam a major metropolitan city doing an adult treasure hunt. The couple decides to stop at, oh let’s pick something at random here. How about a house of worship with no specific denomination. The couple are arrested for “allegedly” performing a sex act in the establishment and their no talent, ‘FARK’ material stealing, comedian escort thinks he’s being funny and makes matters worse by mouthing off to the police. After some out-of-touch with reality, ultraconservative people, send a few letters to the FCC, the program gets pulled off-air for an unjust amount of time. After assessing this situation, how would you have handled this, had you been that comedic escort?

DM: I'm not sure what FARK is, and if you meant farc, as in Colombian guerrillas? They need to stay out of the morning radio business. As for the comedic escort, I would have very quickly gotten a clerical collar on the male participant. That way, the authorities would have noticed it was simply business as usual with the catholic church.

SB: Two Part Question:

1. What is there left for us to learn about ‘Dave Mordal’? What is yet to come from ‘Dave Mordal’? (Please answer the question in the third party)
2. Now as ‘Dat Phan’s’ in the third party. (Answer in stereotypical fashion, if you feel moved to do so.)

DM:

1. Dave Mordal has one goal left in life. That goal is to set the world record in ramp to ramp motorcycle jumping. Dave Mordal believes that the key is speed combined with a very wide landing ramp. Dave Mordal truly thinks that Dave is very capable of a crime spree spanning at least five states.
2. :No Comment:

Finally, Dave was kind enough to include an answer to a question that wasn't even asked to him.

DM: What is there left for us to learn about Dat Phan?

DM: I think people will be surprised to learn that Dat Phan is really just a normal thirteen year old, with the same fear of UFO's and giant wood bores that all teenagers have.

BTW (LOL), Dave is currently touring around the country with fellow non-winners Rich Vos and Cory Kahaney.
You can check out the dates here

Visit DAVE MORDAL'S OFFICIAL WEBSITE