13 QUESTIONS WITH ADAM FERRARA

For our latest interview, we hooked up with stand-up comedian, actor, and Opie and Anthony show regular, Adam Ferrara (he's also a childhood friend of Mr. Anthony Cumia himself). If you haven't seen his act on 'The Tonight Show' or 'Late night With David Letterman', then you've probably seen one of the many television shows he's appeared on. Let's see, there was 'Caroline in the City'...and who could forget that guest appearance on 'Law & Order'... or the classic 'Social Studies'... and of course, if you haven't seen Adam's Olive Garden Commercial, then you don't know what you're missing.... Oh yeah, and he did a little TV show with Denis Leary called 'The Job' which aired on ABC...which for some reason was yanked off the network. Man, those network executives are brilliant, aren't they? Nothing like a business that's run by people who know nothing about the business itself...much like radio and the music business...but I digress. Enjoy the interview with Mr. Adam Ferrara:

Steve C: Adam, you've been at this comedy gig for years, you've starred in a number of television shows (some successful, some not-so-successful), and you've carved out a nice career for yourself. Are you living the dream yet, or is there some bigger, more grand objective you have yet to reach?

Adam Ferrara: I don’t think you ever stop, I remember thinking, “All I want to do is work steady. Then all I want to do is headline, then be on TV, then movies… and so on “ The trick is to enjoy the ride.

SC: What, if any, kinds of limits did you set for yourself in terms of attaining success as a comedian? (meaning, at any point, did you say "If I don't make a go of this after _____ years, I'm going back to barber college"?)

AF: I was twenty when I started and I remember thinking “If I don’t have some ray of hope by the time I’m twenty five I go to work for my Uncle Louie. I would have been sitting in the back of a Buick holding a gun hoping nothing goes wrong”

SC: Of all the television shows/sitcoms/pilots you've been a part of, which one were you MOST optimistic about becoming a success?

I did a pilot called “Lenny and Adam” for comedy central. It’s was Lenny Clarke and myself, hence the name. Denis Leary produced it and thought that one would go. WRONG.

SC: OK, now which one of these shows and/or pilots made you feel ashamed for even considering the part?

AF: I did a game show on Animal Planet because I need to make my health insurance. The celebrities were Dr Joyce Brothers, me, and a horse.


Adam in his "Social Studies" get up...spiffy, eh?
SC: You've got a snazzy little video clip on your official website called "I got news for ya" in which you take aim at Islamic Fundamentalist terrorists. Let's say, for the sake of argument, one of these "cave dwellers" as you refer to them in the video, sees that clip, and decides to park himself outside of your home strapped with dynamite, because he's going to show YOU who's boss. What do you think you'll say to this individual?

AF: He’s got to be the bottom of the barrel terrorist if they sent him after me. I could see them at terrorist meeting- They’re all squatting in a cave, hummus fart fills the air, “DHA what about me boss DHA what about me?” “Go blow up the traveling clown know as Adam Ferrara” “DHA ok boss, ok, DHA.”

SC: Even though you're happily attached to a lovely young lady, I'm sure there are other women who see you perform in comedy clubs across the country, who would happily have their way with you if they could. Describe, if you would, the graden variety Adam Ferrara groupie(s)...

AF: I prefer to call them 'enthusiasts'. However some of them are also Dunkin Donuts enthusiast as well. But there was a stripper in Kansas City, I just wanted to go home and punch my girlfriend in the neck. That can't be healthy can it?

SC: You starred in The Job along with Denis Leary and Lenny Clarke, a show that was arguably one of the funnier series ABC has run in recent years. If you had to guess, why do you think the show didn't survive?

AF: BASTARDS! I think it was too hip for the room, it didn’t fit in with this marzipan image network was going for.

SC: Every comedian has off days, and every comedian bombs. If there was one show you played in your career that stands out in your mind as a time when you bombed so bad that you just wanted to ventilate your skull with a .44 caliber bullet, what would that be?

AF: Farmingdale College, 1996. They we’re out for blood. On my way up to the microphone I swear I thought I heard “Let’s eat him”

SC: Not always, but quite often, successful comics are very bitter and withdrawn in their personal lives. Since you're a reasonably successful comedian on stage, the assumption is that you're fairly angry off stage. If there's one subject/topic of conversation that would send you into a rage-filled shooting spree, what would it be?

AF: Terrorism. According to them Americans are arrogant hypocrites.. America separated church and state over two hundred and twenty five year ago so you can believe in any God you want. But terrorist believe their God is the only true god and all else are infidels and must be killed and we’re arrogant? According to terrorist they are doing the work of Allah and fear nothing yet they hide in caves and cover their faces on television and we’re hypocrites.

SC: What city in this fine country of ours has the best hotels, room service, and 24 hour cuisine a travelling jokeman like yourself can partake in?

AF: New York and Vegas has everything all the time.



SC: OK, now which hotels and cuisine in which city leave you with a stiff neck and irritable bowels?

AF: Any city that doesn’t have a direct flight is trouble. Rule of thumb, if you have to connect, you’re screwed.

SC: If we were to rifle through your smut drawer, what kind of porn would I find in Adam Ferrara's dirty movie collection (other than what we've given you, that is)?

AF: It’s mostly the stuff I get from you guys and the Sports Illustrated bathing suit issues. That always brings me back to puberty.

SC: Hypothetical Situation: You're performing in one of the lovely casinos in Atlantic City, and after the show, a middle-aged, well-dressed gentleman of Italian descent approaches you and offers you a briefcase FILLED with money if you agree to dispose of one of his adversaries. You look inside the case, and there is easily ten million dollars in unmarked bills. You'll be supplied with a weapon, and a location. All you have to do is pull a trigger and walk away. Do you take the money and whack this poor schlub, or do you say "No thanks" to Mr. Gambino?

AF: First I’d ask if my uncle put him up to this? I don’t think I could kill anyone for money. If somebody hurt my family I would suck out their eyes and skull fuck them in front of their children.

SC: A new Olive Garden just opened down the street from my house. Given your history with the company, can you recommend anything there?

AF: I had to eat that food for three days I recommend a spit bucket.

SC: Which of the following three would you most like to possess, and why?
A) great fame?
B) great wealth?
C) great big genitals?


AF: Given I already have big genitals, fame is a pain in the ass, I’ll take the money.

Thanks so much to Adam for being patient enough to answer these subhuman, moronic pieces of drivel.

You can see Adam live at the following dates: June 3-6 - Hilarity's - Cleveland , OH
June 8-13 - Harrah's - Lake Tahoe, NV

Also, check out Adam's snazzy new fangled website at AdamFerrara.com