Steve Speaks Postings for January 2007
CHANGE SUCKS
Posted: Wednesday, January 31, 2007
You ever find yourself in a situation in which you're forced to make some giant, sweeping changes, all at the same time? I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I will tell you from first-hand experience that it blows.
Trying to change behavior that's been engrained in your psyche for years is nothing short of a big, fat, pain in the ass...and the older you get, the HARDER it is to change yourself. Fun, eh?
I don't think I'd realized how complacent I'd become with my chaotic, 100mph, twenty-hour-a-day work schedule until I felt myself nearing the edge of a fucking meltdown. Every second of every day was devoted toward work, or some aspect of forward momentum. Wow, was THAT not healthy. I got myself shoehorned into a situation with limited options: Change your behavior, or dig a hole and jump in it...because this shit was leading me to an early grave.
I don't think I ever picked my head up long enough to realize all I had accomplished, because I was always so busy...WORKING.
I actually tried anger management classes for a while. That wasn't for me. I don't think I need to be in a room with a bunch of stifled, middle-aged guys who can't properly express themselves, and I'm in the corner, jittery, because I'm constantly trying to think of ways to cave their heads in. Maybe there's a group of wackos like me somewhere, but that one wasn't it.
Of course there's always medication, and while I'm not totally opposed to it, I thrive on my emotions to be creative. If I suck down too many of the meds, I'll go flat. That's just blah...not fun.
One day at a time, that's what they keep telling me. Work the group, do the reading, etc... Eh, I'm sleeping a little easier, so I guess it's starting to work. I'll keep going with it I guess.
Emotion(s) while posting: anxious
Posted by stevec
at 2:10 PM
I DON'T HATE EVERONE.
Posted: Tuesday, January 2, 2007
I don't know HOW exactly this shit got started, but I know it happened a number of years ago, and it's probably my own fault for letting it continue. There's this rumor going around that I hate all of the fans of a radio show that I work for...and that I hate all of the visitors to this very website that I maintain. I can without question...without any hesitation...tell you that it's NOT TRUE.
Look, I'm not a cheerful guy. When you look in the dictionary at the definition of the words 'happy' or 'content'...my face is the last thing you'll see. I would go so far as to say that I'm not even an optimist most of the time. However, I work my ass off. Sometimes 19 or 20 hours a day for a radio show and website that I have been loyal to for some eight years. That is a very long time, kids... so for me to not be grateful to those who enjoy what it is I do would be a grave error.
I think it started years ago, back when the Opie and Anthony Show was being broadcasted on WNEW-FM in New York. I unloaded mercilessly over the phone at some listener who had a problem with the way I ran my website (foundrymusic.com)...because I'm uber-sensitive and totally insecure, of course. The easy answer for me was to go along with the bit. Sure, why not? I'll be 'the guy who hates the fans'. Yeah, that'll work. Only, what they don't tell you when you sign up for that bit is that everytime you show your face at an event frequented by fans of said radio show...the overwhelming assumption is that you're a pissed off egocentric who looks down on everyone. Umm, yeah...not the case.
Look, I was a fat, metalhead, outcast for most of my formative years... do you honestly think I'm interested in telling people to 'fuck off' for the rest of my life? Not at all. I'm an insecure lonely fucker who basically works his ass off on his website because he has very few other outlets. Fun, huh? Nope...not at all. I don't allow many people access to my private life because I'm very guarded with it. It's mine. I'll share what I want, but if I'm not in the mood to divulge, then buzz off. I'll tell you when I'm good and ready. Otherwise, piss off. Don't go digging for information I'm not willing to share. That REALLY pisses me off, and if I find out you ARE doing it, then I'm going to pool my resources and fuck you up ten times worse.
I should have clarified my issues a long time ago. There's a segment of people... of any group for that matter...who you will NEVER please. They'll always bitch. They'll always find fault. They'll always make you feel like shit no matter how hard you work. Those people...THOSE are the ones I hate. There's probably five of them for all I know.
Everyone else? Yeah, you're cool. I'm probably way too afraid to walk up to you on my own and say hi... so feel free to introduce yourself. I'm a nervous prick, just like you.
Emotion(s) while posting: depressed
Posted by stevec
at 5:12 PM
STUPID EMAIL FOR 1/24/2005
Posted: Monday, January 24, 2005
A Stupid Email came a'flying in as a result of ...something...that was said about the always-entertaining, former-PANTERA-frontman, Phil Anselmo. I guess his fans are up in arms about the reaction to the passing of DIMEBAG DARRELL. I was going to let this one slide, especially considering the circumstances, but I decided otherwise after the guy responded to my initial response.
Stupid Email #1:
To whoever,
I think that Phil Anselmo would have a better idea of contributed to the demise of Pantera, if he says it was the media then how fucking dare you people to say otherwise. Show some fucking respect, if whoever writes for your piece of shit website talked any shit like that within my reach I'd rip you fucking throat out you fucking got that? Show some fucking respect.
Response to Stupid Email #1:
I love fan mail. We should have you over for cookies.
Stupid Email #2:
Ooh ouch, that's some razor sharp wit, I guess you really put me in my place. Look dude, I may have gotten a little out of line with you and I am sorry for that, but I still think you were very disrespectful to Mr. Anselmo, and no matter what your view is you should have been respectful enough to keep it to yourself, think about it.
Response to Stupid Email #2:
OK, I think I need to make a very broad, general plea to the 'heavy metal purists' out there. If you are above the age of FIFTEEN, and you are still treating guys in bands as dieties (that's 'GODS' for the drooling kid in the back), then you need to drastically re-evaluate your thought process.
What I think you're referring to is the tearful, sobbing videotaped message Phil posted online.
Personally, I think he should have kept that outbreak more private, but I'm not him. I don't know what is swimming around in his head. Everyone greives differently.
What irks me is this demand for 'RESPECT'. This is a guy who didn't respect his fans enough (at times) to resist passing out on stage... or didn't respect others enough to show up to an interview sober. - Your honor, I submit to you the backstage video of a mumbling Phil at Ozzfest 2002.
You still think he deserves respect?
You'd be the only one.
My website. My rules.
Emotion(s) while posting: angry
Posted by stevec
at 11:18 PM
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