All good things must come to an end: Today is the last day of Erocktober, but have no fear...
POvember starts tomorrow!
It should be loads of fun! Perhaps much less than that, gentlemen!
6:00
The Start of Alzheimer’s?
Anthony forgot to buy candy for the Trick or Treaters.
Although he doesn't like kids, he still doles out sweets to the neighborhood tots to keep the little bastards from throwing crap at his house. And to give the kids in his neighborhood a thrill, he'll be answering the door today dressed like the old fella in Apt Pupil.
Honestly, he just likes "the era."
Because of the movie reference, the guys get on the subject of Stephen King. They all love his stuff.
Poking Fun at the Disabled...
Steve C, who is in costume everyday, bought a ton of delicious candy just so he could put a bowl of it near Erock to entice him into having a nibble or 3,000... but Erik ain’t biting.
From the “It Couldn't Have Happened To A More Deserving Hag” Department:
Jane Seymour came down with food poisoning and Opie couldn't be happier. Jane had snubbed his mom's request to be allowed to take a picture with her when Op and his siblings were on an elevator with the overrated star. What a heartless bitch. How could Jane say NO to a woman who was walking around with what must’ve looked like the cast of "Oliver"?
It’s WAKE UP YOUR SPOUSE WEDNESDAY!
A guy claiming to be named "Julius Irving" is gonna wake up his slumbering wife with a plastic horn.
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!
All the stunned woman can say is “Why?...WHY?!”
Not too shabby.
6:30
Craig the intern is in studio.
He says he can eat the entire bucket o’ candy... which weighs 10 lbs. Good luck, Bro!
Opie also decided at this point that he wants the clip of Bob Kelly throwing up from Monday's show (on the other side) while he was watching the “Two Girls/One Cup” video. (Unfortunately the video has some cursing in it... and you can see the video Bob is puking over in the background. We had to re-cut it for the rundown. /j.)
Here it is:
Op says he will give Craig $100 if he can eat 100 pieces of the candy and a buck for each one over that as well.
If he FAILS to eat at least 100 he will get NOTHING.
Bad news from the world of Hair Dye...
Singer Robert Goulet died yesterday while awaiting a lung transplant. The talent transplant that Mr. Goulet also required was not mentioned in the obituary. Opie says that Robert looked so creepy because he continued to dye his hair, long after he should’ve let it go grey.
Op’s convinced that Maury Povich stopped making his hair so dark as a direct result of him telling the old fella that he was starting to look frightening.
Maury should just let his hair go grey like The Tom Reaper, our own Mr. Chiusano.
NEWS SHORTS...
- Joe Torre is heading into what Opie thinks will be a total nightmare for him; He’s the new manager of The Los Angeles Dodgers. At least he won’t have to deal with crazy old George.
- U2 is funding a huge building going up in Dublin. They’re trying to establish their legacy in this world. Interesting method. Not to be outdone, Brother Joe’s group 2U will be funding the construction of 3 cellars out in Centereach.
- Jimmy is PISSED at Hillary “No Concrete Answers” Clinton. Today his reason is her inability to answer truthfully about what she thinks of the proposal which would grant drivers licenses to illegal immigrants. What an evasive cow. The boys all agree that pretty much all political press conferences are totally unwatchable.
Craig has eaten 25 pieces of candy and he’s already getting ready to puke.
I like the fact that Craig has a li’l bottle of water to help him wash down the 10lbs of candy. How health conscious of him!
7:00
An observation: Hillary looks like Anthony Hopkins’ puppet “Fats” from the movie “Magic”. Phony creature.
A FAT WOMAN ACROSS THE WAY UPDATE...
The woman in the apartment across from the studio that the boys have been peering at while she exercises has officially given up. She’s abandoned her exercise bike, which is now draped in her oversized clothing. It seems she’s also abandoned the razor she used to shave her chubby legs. She’s becoming more of a mess than she was before, but somehow still manages to get a man over there every so often to give her a good “talking to."
MANTOWN UPDATE...
It’s being reported that up in Mantown they’re giving hayrides for Halloween. WHAT? Also, Trick Or Treaters in Mantown will be getting their favorite snack of all: Chocolate Dipped Bananas. Jimmy! Get your costume on and head on up!
TREEHOUSE TALES...
The guys take a look at a picture of Ant’s Tree House Buddy, Richard.
Here he is:
Op and Jimmy are shocked to find that Richard looked like a male model, which he was, apparently. Anthony tells the famous “jeeb jeeb jeeb” story for the new listeners. We have no confirmation as to whether or not Anthony ever went went to bat for the other team with Richard.
THAR SHE BLOWS!
Craig can’t take it anymore... the chocolate leaves his tummy and ends up in a garbage can. Nice work, wimp. Larry Craig is more of a man than this chubby letdown. Wait! What’s this? He starts eating again! Good boy.
7:27 THE SOUND PLAYS! I hope you were dialing.
7:30
Scott from Massachusetts won today’s $1000. Opie’s happy a long time listener is the winner and so am I.
Mayor Menino Mishap...
Mush Mouthed Mayor of Boston, Tom Menino, hurt himself yesterday at The Red Sox Parade... he hyper-extended his knee. We still have no report about what he did to his tongue, although some severe damage has clearly occurred.
How ‘bout them Islanders?
Opie says the New York Islanders are letting Hall Of Fame coach Al Arbour take the teams reins on Saturday night because he’s one win shy of 1500 for his career. Ok then. Jimmy hopes that Al throws his hands in the air to celebrate his victory, and then clutches one of them to his chest before collapsing teeth-first onto the ice.
No wonder Jim was voted “Sweetest Boy.”
Craig pukes again... and continues munching. What a pudgy little trooper!
8:00
Tobin Bell, star of Saw IV calls into the show from Japan. Anthony tells him that he misses Shawnee Smith in this sequel. Poor Ant! In a bid to spare Tobin any future embarrassment, the guys warn him to pay close attention to the “Halloween” and "Friday" franchises... he probably doesn’t want his character to end up in outer space the way Jason did. Sound advice.
EROCK UPDATE...
As Craig continues to SLOWLY eat the candy, the guys ask him if he’d like Erock’s job once he dies, which could be any day now. Nervous wreck Erock has gone through a battery of tests... including a chest x-ray and a stress test.
Oh, he’ll be ok.
By the way... Craig said “yes”.
And now, The Opie and Anthony Show presents...
THE VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Cheerleading injuries? Be careful running through that banner! Some stupid girl didn’t get out of the way in time and we wouldn’t want her to get hurt, would we?
Well, some of us might.
Craig sure is lucky! Someone decided that drinking water to wash down his candy wasn’t good enough... so they’ve brought him some Yoo-Hoo to help him out. What a nice bunch of guys.
8:30
Slowpoke Craig is only up to piece #61. Hurry up, stupid!
The Long and Wooden Leg...
Gold digging motorcycle accident victim Heather Mills was offered 60 Million (UK) Pounds as a divorce settlement with her soon to be ex-husband, Paul “I’m A Beatle, You Stupid Whore” McCartney. Whining bitch Heather was on British TV this morning complaining about how she’s being portrayed in the press. Opie says she is looking for at least 100 Million Pounds, and that she’s refused to sign a non-disclosure clause as a condition of the divorce.
Heather, you’re certainly making yourself look bad. Now stow your leg in the overhead compartment and shut your trap. Nobody likes you and your stump smells.
Get out the barf bags...
Sandy “Growths-A-Plenty” Kane is in studio wearing a horrific costume. She’s dressed as either a Ladybug or a Cootie. In any case, she’s nauseating. Why does she keep coming back in?
Look for Sandy in the upcoming special “Alien Autopsy II.”
$1000 Sound Contest...
Just so you know, tomorrow’s Sound Of The Day is “Craig Puking." Adorable.
Be the 10th caller to 1-877-212-O AND A between 7:00 and 7:30AM when the sound plays and you will win $1000 (US Funds not those silly UK "Pounds").
Good luck!
Craig The Disappointment is up to 73 pieces. Remember, he has to get to 100 in order to get ANY money.
Man up, Piggy.
“Look at my Jewish hams.” Sandy, please die.
Sandy was a Flapper in the 1920s, but now the only things “flapping” are various pieces of her body, stirred by the miasmic breezes emitted by her decomposing undercarriage. Let’s call a spade a spade: the woman is rancid. Now let’s use that spade to dig a shallow grave we can throw this chatty witch into.
For some unknown reason, Sandy sings a version of the useless Laura Branigan song “Gloria,” using her own un-funny lyrics. “Gloria, a queen from Astoria”. There is a particular word I’d like to call Sandy, but I can’t use it in this rundown.
It starts with the letter “C.” You know what I mean.
Let’s all pray that some kids mistake Ms. Kane for an effigy of the Crypt Keeper and burn her tonight. That might not happen, because the Crypt Keeper has a more life-like face and better skin tone than Ol’ Rot Box Sandy.
Sandy’s high quality CD backing track is skipping all over the place. Thank God. Now leave.
Well, that’s it for today. Craig finishes at 75 pieces of candy eaten, so he gets NOTHING but a nudge along the road to diabetes.
Come back tomorrow for more asinine commentary.
------------------------------ Written by Steve from Bayshore Edited by Jivin Links, pics and edits by Joe C.
If this is your first time seeing this, you're most definitely a prize pig. Fatty.
If you’re the 10th caller after the sound plays between 7:00 and 7:30AM tomorrow morning, you will be the winner!
And here's the Erock and Po Dance Party with Jill Nicolini, in case you missed it...
IT'S COPPERFIELD TUESDAY!!!
6:00
Amy Fisher SEX TAPE??
Former Long Island Lolita, (ECCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHH!) Amy Fisher, broke up with her charming husband to get back together with Joey Buttafuoco. So her almost-ex-hubby decided to release a sex video of him with Amy. Well, then the loving couple decided to give it one more shot.
SURPRISE, HONEY!
Remember that li'l tape we made? Ha ha! You're gonna love this one... well... haha... ya see... when you left me I... haha... sold it and now it's hitting the internet! Isn't that hysterical? Wait... it's not?
Uh-oh.
Stills from their tape are now appearing in some newspapers. Nice work, Potato Head. Amy says she's going to just stay home and hide out until the heat is off. That should work. Anthony says Amy lives in the same gated community as his Mommy, the famous songstress and Janis Joplin sound-alike.
Where We At Now?
The Opie and Anthony Show is off the air in West Palm Beach despite a huge turn-around in the ratings. Very smart of the station. The boys had moved up into 2nd place with men aged 18-34... but who wants THAT demographic?
Oh, and by the way... the O&A show is also off the air in Chicago.
We never saw THAT one coming... oh wait... yes we did.
Oh, cut it out, you!
Someone calls in and says that perhaps the show would do better in a lot of the markets if their intros didn’t last so friggin’ long. Opie says their goal is to have a 3 hour intro so that they can just say Hello and Goodbye. I’m not sure I like that idea at all.
Opie says that management HATES when they talk about losing a market, which, of course, O&A can’t help but do because their phones are jammed with calls from West Palm and Chicago.
Tinkle Tinkle!
Attention! Jimmy has a decorating question!
“Does an Oriental rug go with contemporary furniture, or would it be better with traditional?”
Maybe Jim should just stick with those tarps he bought from Roto Rooter...
They’re much more practical with his “inclinations.”
6:30
IT’S UNCOMFORTABLE DISCUSSIONS TUESDAY!
Opie got yelled at by WXRK Program Director Tracy during the break. All Anthony heard from her was “Fine... then I’ll leave you alone.”
I certainly enjoy a good Opie rant.
The chatter about the disagreement between Opie and Tracy went on for quite awhile, with some zingers flung by all three of the boys.
HI-FIVE!
AIDS came from Haiti in 1969... that’s according to new research just released a couple of days ago. It seems the virus had been in the U.S. a full 12 years before it was recognized for what it was. Opie’s theory is that the unfortunate fella must’ve eaten some monkey brains and come down with the illness.
Anthony figures the guy must’ve been a gay chap who started spreading the HIV throughout the gay community. Either way, "Ol’ Monkey Licker" came from central Africa in 1966 and settled in Haiti. Thanks for coming here, Sport.
FOR THE RECORD
Opie says he’s not trying to trash regular radio and he thinks the boys show their passion for it when they talk about losing a market.
I agree.
Op, Ant, and Jimmy certainly give K-Rock PD Tracy the business as they head into break.
7:00
Well, it took awhile…but the boys have finally pissed off another Program Director. I hope you’re proud of yourselves!
Deep down, I know that you are.
And now, The Opie and Anthony Show proudly presents...
THE VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Some idiot news anchors get scared out of their seats by 2 people in masks who burst onto the set.
It sounds like a murder scene...
Delightful!
These shenanigans occurred in Sacramento.
Awwww…what’s the matter, Snuggle Puggle?
O&A dynamo Erock has been having some medical issues and has been undergoing a barrage of tests. Poor guy! I think that perhaps the stress associated with Erocktober has finally taken its toll on the boy.
The guys asked Erock if he’s been exercising and he says that he has been.
NOTE TO EROCK: Frying bacon does NOT count as exercise.
I just thought I’d let you know.
7:30
$1000 Winner!
We have a winner! During the last break the $1000 sound played and the tenth caller is a gentleman named Ben.
Congratulations, sir!
Ben says he’s going to use the grand to pay some bills.
Why, that’s no fun at all.
From the Department of WTF:
A 24 year old man was arrested and charged with desecrating human remains after having sex with the corpse of a 92 year old woman. Bail has been set at $400,000.
Ok, first of all, WHO wants to have sex with a 92 YEAR OLD?? And secondly, it’s bad enough if the 92 year old is still alive... but come on... DEAD?! Yuck.
WAY TO GO, GUYS!
Researchers at the University of Bangor in Maine caught a 405-410 year old clam when collecting samples off the coast of Iceland. These geniuses promptly cut open the shell to find out how old the creature was, killing it in the process. The researchers say that there may be even older clams still out there.
Someone call Marge from Little Shelter and see if you can get her to reveal her date of birth.
Dead Celebrities!
A list of the top earning dead celebs was released yesterday. Reclaiming his place at #1 is Elvis Presley with $40 million dollars earned last year. #2 is John Lennon, followed by other people who I don’t care about.
Enough about the dead!
O&A HEADLINES
A Li’l Baseball News...
Yes, the Red Sox won the World Series, blah blah blah.
The boys talk about A-Rod’s stupid manager putting out a press release in the middle of game 4 of the World Series saying that his client wasn’t signing with the Yanks. Does it always have to be about YOU, douche? Just go play somewhere else and leave us alone.
PEOPLE ARE SAYING that Joe Torre might be heading to Los Angeles to manage the Dodgers.
Good luck, bro!
SPEAKING OF CORPSES
Marge from Little Shelter is on the phone, but she’s insistent that she won’t talk to Jimmy at all, because he never has anything nice to say about her or her cattery. What is she talking about? Who is sweeter than our own Li’l Jimmy with his apple red cheeks?
All 3 of the guys tell Marge that they’re Anthony so she’ll talk to them, further confusing the doddering old Shelter-Hag.
Ant confronts Marge with a bombshell: He heard from an insider at the Little Shelter that a condition of employment is that you must sign an agreement NOT to rescue any animals for 2 years after the termination of your employment there. WHAT? Marge denies this, but seems shaken. Then again, that could just be the formaldehyde talking.
Anthony asks Marge if the new slogan of The Little Shelter is “Greed Is Good”? It seems that Marge was once employed by another shelter, and now she’s trying to turn this one into a money making enterprise. Puppies and Kittens as fuel, Marge? How could you??
After Jimmy plugs the North Shore Animal League instead of Marge’s slaughterhouse, she calls the boys “degenerate, low-life, lying hypocrites” and says that she’ll NEVER call them again.
The Hulk “Walk Away” music plays...
Jimmy completes the segment with a very touching “Beat it, ya old hooker.”
From now on Marge will have to go about her pet torture and killing rampage WITHOUT the support of The Opie and Anthony Show. How ya like them apples, toots?
8:00
Opie’s wondering how long it will take before Marge, a definite attention whore, calls back in.
That yammering yenta will be back in no time.
In order to keep their PD from being annoyed with them, O&A are pretending that they weren’t thrown off the air in Chicago or West Palm Beach. That oughtta work!
“Is Erock Alive Tuesday?”
Tim from production has thrown together a new piece about Erock feeling a bit under the weather. We’d better not lose our Erock! O&A speculate as to whether or not Erock drinks too much iced tea.
If anyone knows anything, let us know.
Opie then says that "Leather Care Bear" Steve C. spent half an hour trying to soothe poor Tracy the PD’s hurt feelings instead of doing actual work. Stop trying to butter up the boss, Steve.
You’d never fit in any of her blouses.
David Copperfield Update
With possible rape charges pending, a bunch of women are coming out of the woodwork with similar tales of Copperfield’s attempts at seduction. Luckily for us, now they’ve got voicemail from him... which is an invitation addressed to one of the women to come to "Rape Island."
FUN!
If anyone has any information about David’s island, let us know. We want all the gory details!
Here’s yet another head scratcher...
Some guy got arrested for trying to hire someone to help him pull off a murder. The aim of the kooky fellow was to commit "homosexual necrophilia" on his intended victim.
(I couldnt find the actual story... but I did come across this story about a guy who was studying "homosexual necrophilia" in mallards. /j.)
Wow. People sure are getting into the Halloween spirit this year.
8:30
Danny Bonaduce NAKED?
Why oh why, dear God?
Danny Bonaduce was photographed in the nude during his acceptance of a Harvard Lampoon Award. Do your own search for the image. Jimmy thinks the picture of Bonaduce makes him look like he’s holding a small turtle, and he notes that Danny is hung like a seahorse. You can’t spin that in a positive way.
BRING OUT YOUR DEAD
A girl named Laurie calls in. She’s a bubbly bimbo who puts make-up on corpses for a living.
Ok then.
Well, her story goes, she walked into a room where she had just been working on the make-up of a deceased 60 year old woman... and she found the creepy Goth kid who worked there taking a taste of the dead lady.
I don’t think any amount of gargling in the world could EVER get that taste out of your mouth.
Ending On An Off-Key
Roland delights our ears with his wonderful version of the Brady Bunch classic, “Sunshine Day.”
Thanks so much for that. Now I feel all peppy!
Perhaps we’ll see you tomorrow, kids! Thanks for reading my ravings.
Posted: Friday, October 26, 2007
Friday, Erocktober 26, 2007
Thank Ant It's Friday!
Monday's $1000 Sound is right here, fool! It may sound like a distressed dolphin, but it's actually Master Po doing his best Prince impression. Po never ceases to amaze me.
Speaking of Master Po. Check out this clip from the other side of Po schooling Erock on some dance moves. Erock you awkward little fella! More dancing frome these two later on...
Erock & Po Dance Party:
IT'S FART FRIDAY!!!
6:00
O&A open the show pretending that they're broadcasting from up in Boston to make them sound more local.
Bloated Hack "The Hillman," an O&A Show rival is featured in an article in a newspaper up there. He's the brilliant talent that brought us MANTOWN. Ugh!
Hillman is stuck in a tiny market up there, although he says he's happy to be in such a place. He's keepin' it real, MAAAAAAAAAAAN.
This reminds Op of their days up at 'AAF where they'd call the much bigger station 'BCN while on the air, hoping to get a better gig with them.
THIS JUST IN:
The Palestinians are using The Google Earth to find sites in Israel that they want to shoot missiles at. Ahhh, technology.
(ed. note: OK funny anecdote... I was planning on making a silly image showing different places in Israel on Google Maps, like restaurants and hospitals, but it turns out Israel has been "removed" from the Google Maps because of this story. I 's' you not, people. Take a look below. All data has been removed. The roads just end outside of the borders. Of course satellite images are still there but good luck finding the street you're on.)
See...
Go here and search "Israel." No roads, no city or town names... nothing!
HALLOWEENIES...
Opie and Anthony are actually heading up to Boston today after the show to attend the 'BCN Halloween Party at the Hard Rock Cafe. The lads reminisce about how Flava Flav hijacked their Halloween party last year at the Hard Rock in NYC. What a fiasco. For some reason, Flav thought that the party was being held to celebrate the release of his latest CD and he had no idea what was going on. He brought his whole posse and family with him up on stage in front of a 100% O&A audience. A comfortable situation for everyone, indeed.
I was there and I have no comment.
GO SOX GO!
The Boston Red Sox are leading the World Series two games to none after beating the Colorado Rockies last night 2-1. When is Op’s Sports Curse gonna kick back in? Perhaps not this year, gentlemen. (Perhaps more than that!)
James Taylor sang the National Anthem last night before the game, and Opie thinks it stunk. Our cuddly li’l cowboy, JimBenet Norton, hates James Taylor---he doesn’t even enjoy “You’ve Got A Friend.” Op thinks they needed someone a bit more energetic to sing the anthem.
Personally, any time I hear James Taylor it makes me think of a rainy, dreary autumn day where the smell of dying leaves is in the air. I’m very strange. He just sounds very 'Olde Tymey' to me.
In any case, Opie thinks the Sports Curse is almost over.
Opie brings up a flight he took to L.A. about 10 years ago. He was seated next to Peter Wolf, lead singer of the J. Geils Band and they were having themselves a nice chat. Peter had a full head of black hair during that flight.
J. Geils Band - Centerfold
He certainly did not have it a couple of days later when Op was up early walking to get a cup of coffee and he spotted Mr. Wolf turning a corner showing off his horseshoe pattern baldness. He looked shocked to see someone who both recognized him and was recognized BY him. Poor fella. Now we all know you’re bald under that Phyllis Diller fright wig.
Remember, today’s $1000 sound was Foundry lead singer Steve C’s vocal warm up “Ba ba ba ba ba.” WHO WILL WIN?!
OOooOOOooooOOooooOOOooooooOOOOOo!
It’s DANCE FRIDAY ON the CW11 News! Erock and Master Po will be appearing on Jill TV this morning, showing off their amazing dance moves to the entire NY area. We can hardly contain our excitement.
6:30
O&A FART TRIVIA?
Op has an idea. Listeners will be brought into the studio to be asked fairly simple trivia questions... the only catch is that before they answer they will be required to fart on mic. I like it.
Fart noises = Always funny.
Somehow the guys end up on the subject of Tom Petty, and Op brings up Tom’s song “The Last DJ”. Mr. Hughes dazzles us with his own rendition. I’m absolutely crying over here. Opie remarks that certain hack DJs like to pretend that they are the one Petty is singing about.
Just so you know... he is NOT singing about you, douche.
Back to the Series...
Boyz II Men sang God Bless America during the seventh inning stretch of game 2, and it’s obvious that in their old age they’ve turned into a Butcher Shop Quartet. What the hell were they trying to do to that song? It was just plain awful. If this is your day job, Boyz, give it up.
(ed. note: I found one clip on the You Tubes but it was recorded by some guy pointing a camera at his TV... and he farts at the beginning. You know what? Here it is, fart and all for this Fart Friday.)
7:00
NEWS...
The crew of the Spayshlll Endeavrrr (ed. note: Errr... it's Discovery Steve.) were woken up this morning to the tune of “Rocket Man.” Who saw THAT coming?
Mission control decided to wake them up with an Elton John tune just before sending the crew out for a 5 hour space walk. Surprisingly, no one jumped out of the shuttle desperately searching for gravity to pull them back to earth, sans 'chute. I believe that would set a record for highest suicide jump, EVAR!
Jumping around like young fellows tend to do, Opie says that he recently tried to watch Fast Times At Ridgemont High with his lovely fiance, but not on dvd…on regular TV. It was so heavily edited that in the first 20 minutes there wasn’t even a single laugh, so they decided to watch something else. That stinks, ‘cause poor Op was trying to share. He probably needs a hug.
More Putrid Patriots...
Some unfortunate girl won a contest to sing The Star Spangled Banner before a basketball game and totally forgot the words. The crowd was kind enough to sing out loud so she could get through it, and she followed along rancidly off-key.
We'll post it here when we find it. Shoot us some feedback if you have a linky.
THE $1000 SOUND PLAYS! Be dialing, people! Well, not now.
7:30
You can cut the anticipation with a mayo knife as we wait for Erock and Po to appear on Jill TV. Opie says that the entire Jill TV show is really good to O&A, who repay them by making fun of anyone that’s on the show. That’s what we do now! Op talks about “Smug Guy” James Ford, a reporter on Jill TV, better known as the Channel 11 News (or whatever the hell it’s called). Anyway, they enjoy this gentleman’s facial expressions when he’s on camera.
OK TERRIFIC!
OINK OINK!!
Jan is on the phone looking to win that $1000 prize. She openly admits that she’s a “prize whore” who likes neither O&A nor the show. At least she’s honest. I think Jan could use a nice Doc Martin shoved into her "Prize Vault."
Nick in Michigan is the contest winner today!
Too bad he’s got to use his prize to help pay a lawyer bill resulting from his divorce case. How nice for him. I think the REAL prize Nick won was getting rid of the sow he had been married to. You can’t put a price on something like that... although lawyers try to. Please kill yourselves. Each and every one of you lawyers.
I mean right now.
Tim The Production Guy debuts a new “Fart Friday” sweeper. Next time, more fart noises please.
Erock & Po... On JILL TV!
Strap in, kids! EROCK AND MASTER PO are on JILL TV! All I can say is WOW. You have to see it for yourself. We'll post video once it hits teh intarwebz.
After that wonderful bit of fun, O&A talk to Jill Nicolini about the great appearance Erock and Po just made on cam with her. She's a fun girl, perhaps even more fun than Stalker Patti, if you can believe that.
Danny, who is sitting in for Erock until he returns to the studio, plays a few classic fart clips from a couple of years ago. This goes back to a game they once played, where they’d listen to these fart clips and decide who the “fartist” was... mainly Opie or Jimmy, who in kindergarten was known as Gaseous Clay.
I still can’t believe Danny was able to sit close enough to the keyboard to type with his soon-to-burst liver in the way.
WANT A GRANDEROONIE?
Pay attention, Stupid! Monday’s winning sound is Master Po “singing” his infamous “Wooooo hooooo oooo oooooo” from Prince’s “When Doves Cry”, although “DIE” would’ve been a better word for it. Be the 10th caller on Monday to 877-212-O AND A between 7 and 7:30AM when the sound plays and you will win ONE THOUSAND buckeroonies. I sure could use some cash.
Anyone else?
8:00
O&A recall the time Jimmy let out a little burst of gas that made its way to the microphone, and Anthony answered it thinking it was someone talking.
Brother Dave calls in saying that he has a few parrots that went crazy when O&A played those fart noises. They started imitating the fun sounds, but won’t seem to do it for us over the phone. Jimmy suggests Dave take one of those critters onto his hand so he can punch its dumb little bird head in.
Some mystery singer is played attempting his rendition of the national anthem. Just so you know, he was not very good.
GENTLEMEN!
Master Po is in studio, a rare treat on the FM side of the show, plugging “Master Po’s Body Rock” which will be coming soon (so he says) to the Lincoln Jazz Centre. Anyone signing up?
8:30
A smattering of World Series talk. People are saying that the 2-3-2 home/away pattern used in the series is benefiting the Red Sox. Home field advantage sure is nice.
And in an uncharacteristic move, Opie apologizes to Master Po for being a little mean to him during the last break. Waddle Doodle.
FINALLY---Carl Lewis singing The Star Spangled Banner...
Oh dear. Is he dead yet? He should be. He sounded like he was dying throughout this horribly entertaining clip. Jimmy thinks it was an edited version, but nobody can seem to find a longer version. Danny? Please put down the bottle and try to find it. Thank you! Sorry, no You Tube clip. But here's the audio.
Anthony does a dead-on impression of Chris “Mad Dog” Russo that I hope people outside the NY area can understand the brilliance of. Opie recalls a time when he met Mad Dog and got a hug from him that threw his entire body out of alignment. I guess Russo loves Opie till it hurts. What’s that all about?
A revealing phone call...
Oxygen deprived Tom is still alive, but in a lot of pain. He’s having difficulty breathing, partially because of the damp weather. He wheezes to us that it’s harder to breathe moist air. Luckily he won’t have that problem much longer. He tells us that it feels like a python is wrapped around his Made-For-A-Coffin chest. Poor fella! His breathing sounds shallower than Vos’ intelligence. Tom tells us that rainy days are tough, and Opie says Mondays must be a bitch, as well. I get it because I’m old.
Someone suggests that Tom should guest star on an episode of HOUSE… and Op says that his cure would be that Tom has to avoid Mondays. Could he do that? Tom! Please stay inside if it gets foggy outside. We don’t want you drowning. Perhaps some people who are sick of this bit do.
Is this a hate crime?
A Black woman is OUTRAGED because she got a piece of junk mail addressed to “Iman Igger.” That sure is something. She says that the person who sent it needs to either seek counseling or get a job writing for The Greaseman. Waddle Doodle-eh!
NOW IT’S TIME FOR OPIE’S FOOTBALL PICKS... Brought to you by Dish Network.
Once again, Brother Elmo provided the picks.
Bills over Jets Browns over Rams Eagles over Vikings Buccaneers over Jaguars
Saints over 49ers Steelers over Bengals, Lions over Bears
Ant says his picks would all be based upon which team name should be able to defeat the other team... eg. Lion Beats Bear, etc... Sort of a battle of mascots?
Therefore, next week Anthony will be providing all the football picks. Yippee!
To lead us out of the show, Roland The Abysmal sings his very own special version of the national anthem. We are doomed as a society.
Opie and Anthony are heading up to Boston for the big ‘BCN Halloween bash at the Hard Rock Cafe. If you have tickets for it, consider yourself very special. Even Opie couldn’t get his fiancee’s friends two tickets. What the hell is with that?
We’ll be back Monday with more of the usual idiocy. Have a good weekend!
--------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bayshore
Links, pics & edits by Joe C. F Jivin! He skipped out early.
O&A staff leprechaun Danny had a bit of an accident with a taxi this morning. Poor fella. His airbag didn't deploy, but luckily the impact was cushioned by his hugely enlarged liver.
Cheers, Danny!
Anthony had a small adventure near his house yesterday morning while heading into work. Ant was making a left at a newly added crosswalk---as he turned he saw someone in the crosswalk. Herr Cumia took off when the light changed green after deciding to scoot past the guy who then threw a bag of groceries at the back of Ant’s car as he sped away.
This pleased Ant greatly. It certainly seems that Ant lives in an area with very stable people.
Jim Norton had a slight road rage incident last night as well, while heading downtown to do a set at The Comedy Cellar. He was stuck behind a slow moving taxi, and boy was the li’l feller steamed. Jimmy honked at the driver and to get back at him, the cabbie stopped at a green light and waited for it to change to red just to frustrate our now furious friend. How rude.
Op says that since he’s driving an older car he doesn’t mind “trading paint” with another driver, especially if it puts an overly ballsy soccer mom back down in her place. Nice. Anthony says he yells awful things at cabbies every day.
What a surprise. I can almost hear The "Inappropriate Bell" now.
The boys discuss more driving scenarios and adventures they’ve been in. No stories from Jimmy about his exploits in the Meat Packing District, though.
Hi Daddy!
6:30
The Boston Red Sox won the first game of The World Series 13-1! Op’s sports curse might be taking a break. Opie says that the Red Sox are going all the way on the strength of Josh Beckett’s pitching.
Have no fear, there is still plenty of time for the sports curse to rear its ugly head.
WEST COAST FIRE ZONE...
California is still ablaze. Governor Arnold has been using quotes from his overrated movies to inspire people during the crisis.
“I’ll be bleccchhh.”
The boys talk about the different attitude taken when multi-million dollar homes are threatened instead of those tin roof shacks down in New Orleans. It shows the nature of our awful country, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Someone brings up Schwarzenegger’s statements to the media, and Anthony starts riffing. Delightful.
O&A wonder if people are rushing back into their soon-to-burn homes to rescue things, and if the wedding album is one of the “treasures” that is worthy of rescue. Wedding albums STINK. Let 'em burn.
PEOPLE ARE SAYING that the fires appear to be arson--- which is pretty much what Opie has been saying all along.
Perhaps a certain Mrs. Al Qaida's cow kicked over a lantern or something.
Jim shocks us all with the revelation that FIRES SUCK. Very poetic, Puddin’ Chops.
FYI: WNEW in NY is celebrating their 40th anniversary---and they left out any mention of Opie and Anthony. I guess they just want to forget.
7:00
Opie says that the boys have the worst timing...
Arbitron released its first ever Satellite Radio Ratings---which covers the period of April through June. The ratings seem to indicate that a certain hideous old man is number 1 in that industry. O&A just happened to take a 2 week vacation in April, and were suspended from their other show from May 15th through June 15th. Not only were they suspended, but their channel actually removed any and all mention of them for that period. Idiots.
Elo from the other place calls in saying that there are many issues with the ratings that render them totally inaccurate... in fact Arbitron doesn’t even survey actual subscribers to the service O&A are a part of. With all this on-air discussion about their other show, K-Rock GM Tom C. got so upset he temporarily lost the ability to bore.
ARRESTED RED HANDED...
Some douchy woman protesting Condoleezza Rice got her red paint doused hands all up in the face of the Secretary of State yesterday in Washington. The lunatic was promptly arrested. Judging by her last name, Ali-Fairooz, the boys decide that she’s obviously a supporter of THE OTHER SIDE in the Iraq war.
And boom goes the falafel stand!
7:30
Chris from New Hampshire is the $1000 winner today.
Chris brings up the names of old show characters “Ol’ Dirty” and his sidekick “P.R.” and wonders what ever happened to them. Although he didn’t get a solid answer, he walks away richer by one grand.
FIRE FIRE FIRE EVERYWHERE...
Opie has a nice clip for Anthony about a gun rack that holds a shotgun right on your bed frame.
Here is that wonderful clip...
Ant “Quick Draw” Cumia tells us about his fondness for guns.
Anthony, we never knew. OK TERRIFIC!
RADIO DRAMA...
Opie is angry with Super Agent Bob “Money Ghoul” Eatman for representing their replacement on ‘YSP in Philadelphia in the contract negotiations. Op says he’s been paying Bob 10% for years and he wants respect and consideration. By the way: Hey Messageboards! Don’t spin it when Opie says he’ll work for FREE to get back on Philly radio.
To quote Op regarding people twisting his words:“My crap, is my crap.” In other words, he means what he says. I like that one.
8:00
Hey Op! Don’t worry. Be happy. Tomorrow’s sound clip is Lane Bryant customer Steve C’s famous “Ba ba ba ba ba” riff. Just be the 10th caller tomorrow morning between 7 and 7:30AM to 1-877-212-O AND A when the sound plays and you will win 1000 smackeroonies.
ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!
Tomorrow Erock and Master Po will be appearing in the Dance Friday segment of Jill TV. They should be on at around 7:30AM and O&A will be simulcasting audio of this wonderful event. Po will be teaching Jill the moves to his new hit dance, The FH Riley’s Parking Lot Bump, and Erock will dazzle us with his spectacular Hellmann’s Hustle.
Master Po & HTG...
I can hardly wait.
HALLOWEEN TIPS...
The latest "Halloween Tips" from local news programs that were sent in by our fine listeners are simply ridiculous.
Opie says “To the parents out there: YOUR CHILDREN ARE SAFE!” Go out trick or treating with them and HAVE FUN. As long as you don’t dress precious little Sheldon as a yellow speed bump, everything should be ok.
Go to www.wsptv.com for more “helpful” tips for Halloween. If they have some sort of feedback on there, please be merciless. FYI: You can also go to www.snopes.com to read more about stupid “poison Halloween candy” fears. The whole subject should be a non-story... so why does the news make such a friggin’ big deal about it?
ECCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHH!
STRAWBERRY BLONDE MEMORIES...
Opie says he has a bunch of old videotapes of himself from early in his illustrious career that he wants to put up on YouTube.
Get those watermarks ready, Steve!
THE HOMELESS SHOPPING SPREE SEARCH BEGINS...
Newly promoted Keith The Cop (Congrats, Mister!) is in studio to kick off the search for the participants in this year’s Homeless Shopping Spree. He’s brought in the ever annoying, yet somewhat entertaining, semi-human-dreg called “Papa Rock, Guitar Equipment Fiddler Extraordinaire."
8:30
Papa Rock is smelly and in studio. Jimmy fancies a little tune, and Papa Rock is more than happy to play some of his garbage for the boys. Remember, last year O&A had given him a lovely Jaegermeister edition Scheckter guitar... which was promptly stolen from this homeless gentleman. Aaaaand I may have just found it on eBay!
SOMEHOW he ended up with a new guitar. Oh great.
Just like last year, the maniac can hardly keep himself from fiddling with his settings. JUST GET ON WITH IT!
Unfortunately, he does just that and we suffer through about 15 minutes of his discordant guitar sounds. This is what vomit would sound like if it had notes. Keith The Cop, if you are reading this, PLEASE somehow get that guitar from him and drop it in the East River. Then throw him in behind it.
Thank you.
The Homeless Shopping Spree MAY BE at the Short Hills Mall in NJ. We'll announce the exact location when the time is right.
O&A hope the PESTS head out in droves to the mall during the spree to support these fine gentlemen as they shop for things that will immediately be ruined when touched to their horrid unwashed bodies.
Ahh... that wonderful holiday spirit.
We’ll be back tomorrow… perhaps we’ll even find out if Tom is STILL ALIVE!
------------------------------ Written by Steve from Bayshore Edited by Jivin Links, pics & edits by Joe C.
Posted: Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Wednesday, Erocktober 24, 2007
It's Whip 'Em Out Wednesday!
IT'S NO INTRO WEDNESDAY!
6:00
It's Official:
O&A ARE OFF IN PHILLY. Thanks to the new management of 'YSP not “getting the show”, The Opie and Anthony Program will no longer be heard on WYSP in Philadelphia, PA.
This comes just as their ratings were going up too. Op has no comment at this time as to whether or not the show has spoken with another Philadelphia station about going back on the air with them instead of 'YSP. Mister Hughes is pissed that 'YSP treated the boys like such crap.
O&A take a bunch of calls from disgruntled Philly listeners who woke up today to find that Tom Petty was playing on 'YSP instead of The Opie And Anthony Show.
The ever concise Jim Norton sums it up with:"That does explain why he ('YSP PD John Cook) didn't call back."
Opie is angry with the management of ‘YSP, not CBS Radio itself.
6:30
The phones are lit with people calling from Philly who are PISSED that O&A have been yanked off the air. Opie says that going back to FM radio was not about the money---they wanted the show to reach more people. Op swears that he will do radio for FREE in Philadelphia just to show 'YSP and those dummies Preston and Steve.
Bob Eatman, Superagent awoke in his coffin upon hearing this and immediately fainted dead away when Opie uttered the word "FREE". Now he has to figure out how he can collect his share of that.
7:00
Jimmy has an interesting statistic for us: A quarter of a million iPhones that have been sold have not been activated.
The lads speculate as to why that is. Were some given as gifts? Perhaps. (Perhaps more than some, Jim.) Jimmy then relates a story about how his girlfriend sent him a text message while sitting across from him at dinner, only to have it take 1.5 hours to arrive on his phone. That’s even longer than it takes Jimmy’s li’l blue pills to kick in.
With service like that you wonder why people aren’t activating their iPhones so they can also experience the joys of owning one.
NEWS...
Red Sox, How You Doin'?
Lisping former mayor Rudolph Giuliani was always known as a die hard, although comb-over wearing, NY Yankees fan. Now that this Not-A-Chance-In-The-World politico is running for President he’s saying that he’s a Boston Red Sox fan. Not that big a deal, but Rudy, you stink. The boys play a clip of some stupid female reporter trying to make it sound like it’s a much more important thing than it really is.
Who would believe a politician would shift around his allegiance in an attempt to appeal to more people?
Ah the Romance...
Hillary “Cuckold” Clinton says that husband Bill often brings her romantic gifts---including a wooden giraffe. O&A say she knows she needs Bill in her corner to help increase her chances in the upcoming Presidential Election. Who is buying her attempts to make it sound like she and Bill have a real marriage?
A listener named Paul won today’s $1000 prize. Nice work, sir!
MORE NEWS...
Jim Norton has a news story for us...
An off duty NYC cop shot and killed an unarmed man in an apparent road rage incident. The guy who was shot was Black---yet the story is buried deep in the newspaper. Oh! Jimmy sees why! The police officer was Black, as well. No wonder.
California Screaming...
Over 1700 homes have been destroyed already by the raging wildfires. The response to the disaster is SLIGHTLY different from what happened right after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans---they are sending in GOURMET FOOD and providing MASSAGES to the tense evacuees. We hope Califührer Schwarzenegger gets things under control.
A child psychologist had a screensaver of young boys in sexual positions that someone spotted. Naturally, this idiot was arrested. Corn Pucker Jimmy says that “it’s a rookie mistake”.
Oh, that Norton.
Announcements Recap:
-Some moron from Philly calls in wanting to know “what happened” with ‘YSP. PAY ATTENTION, STUPID! The boys actually explain to the guy what went down, then put John Cook in the same category as Dave Douglas, their Program Director up at ‘AAF.
-In honor of EROCKTOBER tomorrow’s $1000 sound is Erock saying “I bring nothing to the table”. Be the 10th caller between 7:00 and 7:30 tomorrow morning after the clip plays and you too can become a winner. Oh boy.
Opie says that he was very bothered when the boys were brought down to ‘YSP to be part of the station switching formats. Things just seemed weird. For instance, there was a very cheap and crooked station logo printed on plastic hanging on the wall.
Should have seen it coming...
8:00
So far, 1 million people have been forced to flee the California wildfires. Luckily, the winds are supposed to calm down later today. We’ll see about that. As long as Jane Seymour’s house burns to the ground, including the basement, first.
Hassan CHOP!
Ant brings up the little Turkish woman who chased off an armed gunman in a Long Island convenience store with an ax. What a tough guy he must be... scared away by a tiny 90 lb woman in a burqa. The weird ax she was wielding looked like something Tom Chiusano might carry with him while out dulling souls to death. According to one gentleman from the news story “She beat the guy off”. She did? Mrrff err meh!
Anthony quoted the gunman as saying he couldn’t believe he had been chased off with “an ask”. Ding! Ding! Ding!
Nice!
Halloween! It’s SCARY!!!
How can we have Halloween with childhood obesity on the rise?
This just in: Erock doesn’t like chocolate or anything with caramel in it. WHAT?
We found this wonderful photo of a young Erock on a Halloween of olde... He preferred Starbursts and Mayo-Janes over chocolate.
We also got some pics of Opie on a Halloween past...
And how about another 'Wizard Ant' pic for good measure? 2 DMG, 2 DMG!
ATTENTION PEOPLE!
Stop being so paranoid and let the kids have one day to eat their f'ing candy! Give kids healthy snacks for Halloween? Where’s the fun in that? That’s no celebration, you morons.
Enough with this "Nanny State" garbage.
From the Great Beyond...
Ant channels the spirit of his ex-mother in law, who tells us that in Heaven you can communicate with your pets---and Chester, her dog, told her that he didn’t die of natural causes, but from a kick to the liver delivered to him by Gregg “Opie” Hughes. So, it turns out Opie gave Chester liver cancer with a kick? INTERESTING.
Speaking of channeling spirits...
8:30
Dan Gross from the Philadelphia Enquirer called in. The boys explain what went on down there. Dan says he had heard rumors about the coming changes to ‘YSP right after O&A did their Traveling Virus Show in Camden.
Once again, Opie says he’ll work for another Philly station FOR FREE. Anthony chimes in with an offer to work for “like ten bucks”.
HEY! JOHN COOK! GOOD LUCK, BRO!
------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bayshore Edited by Jivin Links, pics & edits by Joe C.
It's Rock Scream, 80s New Wave, Far Away Phone Call, Hummer, Make Up Stuff, Tuesday!
The Legendary GEORGE CARLIN will be in studio later this morning. EVERYONE is excited.
On with the show...
6:00
NEWS...
The Preppy Killer, Robert Chambers, was arrested for selling cocaine out of his girlfriend’s apartment in NYC. This murdering ass already served 15 years in prison for the murder of Jennifer Levin, which he claims occurred during “rough sex”. If these charges stick this idiot will be going away for the rest of his life.
ARE TERRORISTS BURNING OUR COUNTRY?
There are HUGE wildfires burning out of control in California. PEOPLE ARE SAYING that this COULD be the works of terrorist agents. Mr. G.O.Hughes is suggesting that it would be very easy for terrorists to start fires, by dropping a couple of matches, lit cigarettes, or whatever. Stay tuned to this Daily Rundown Report for updates as the story develops...
