Daily Opie and Anthony Show Updates Postings for April 2008
WHAT DID WE LEARN? WEDNESDAY APRIL 30, 2008
Posted: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
It's Whip 'Em Out Wednesday!
6:00
Anthony saw a few vehicles with WOW stickers on his way in this morning, including two huge dump trucks that he thanks for pummeling his windshield with sand and pebbles. Fantastic! Opie, who owns an older car simply because he's too lazy to buy a new one, says he chuckles when he sees that going on, because he pictures the driver of the truck zipping along, whistling a happy tune, totally unaware of the cloud of distruction shooting out the back of his truck.
ONE of Ant's fancy rides His bumper sticker reads "My OTHER car is a Panzer".
The guys try to figure out the point when you no longer care about your new vehicle getting scratched or dinged. It's usually right after the first significant dent. Then you start to hate it.
Grand Theft Auto IV!
Op and Ant had a bit of a blow up at the end of the show over at "the other place" yesterday, and Opie left... FORGETTING HIS COPY OF THE GAME!! Ant got up to storm out, then realized he forgot his copy of the game, went back to get it, and figured he was better off sitting back down and riding out the show.
ANYWAY, Ant got to play his copy of GTA4 but he didn't like it... HE LOVED IT!
Travis and Anthony said that as soon as everyone found out Steve C's game character patrols down by the boardwalk, EVERYONE headed there to kill him. I'm sure that warms Steve's enlarged bear heart and sends chills down his tattooed arms. Oh wait a minute. That part is caused by his spinal difficulties: 2 slipped discs and 3 ruptured twinks.
I TOLD him to go easy on those young fellas!
They're only interns, I said to him.
This Just In:
Mayor Bloomberg doesn't like GTA4. What a surprise! I bet there are A LOT of things that ol' Bloomy doesn't like, including making less than $100 million in a year. Wouldn't that be a tragedy?
Poor little worm.
6:30
MORE GTA4
The guys play a news report on how very much like NYC "Liberty City" is in the game, and critics don't like it. Bloomberg ain't happy because the game allows you to shoot cops. Well, I think that most people understand the difference between games and reality. Except for LARPers.
Ok terrific.
Horrific... But Funny
This week the guys will be pointing out the differences between their show and the #1 rated (according to the old system) show in NYC: Elvis Duran's Z100 Morning Zoo, which is just awful.
A man with a "hole"
On to the story!
An elderly woman spent 2 days trapped under the body of her dead husband, who died after mowing the lawn. Her right leg was pinned. What sort of shape was the woman in that she couldn't get her leg out from under that old dead codger?
I can't confirm reports that she kept herself alive by munching the contents of her hubby's Depends.
Excuse me? Mr Reaper? As long as you're here would you mind finishing the mowing? My stupid husband NEVER finishes
anything he starts! Ow! My legs.
Here's One For Tony
SEVERAL men pulled off a home invasion in Newton, MA and the cops are a-lookin' for 'em. As many as FIVE armed men broke in, tied up a woman, and took an s-load of her stuff. Anyone else think Opie only reads these stories to feed Ant's paranoia?
To help calm himself, Anthony bought himself ANOTHER handgun
yesterday... a Walther PPK... which he calls a "James Bond Gun".
Oh great.
He still hasn't picked up the "Desert Eagle" that he's had his evil little eye on. Ant hopes to fill this one with hollow point chest pulpers.
Ant's not only buying weapons, but he's been looking at some clothing made by a company called "5.11 Tactical". They make a jacket with hidden pockets which are designed so you can holster your gun without strapping it on to yourself. He's also all gushy over some "sneaker boots" he wants so he can jump around his house with comfortable feet as he shoots at the phantoms that haunt his mind.
"Excuse me... do you have these in a size 8, Extra-Spindly?"
Opie was wondering why Ant's been wearing a hat with "5.11" on it. He thought maybe it was about a terrorist attack that didn't get enough press. I thought maybe it was a reference to my birthday. Now I'm all disappointed. Right.
7:00
How 'bout that Paula Abdul? Blecccchh.
Do people still watch that stupid American Idol? Anyhow, Paula once again babbled incoherently and starting critiquing some guy's two songs... but he hadn't actually sang the second song yet. She said the 2nd one lacked charm. That's right Paula, it lacked charm. It also lacked lyrics and a music track, Stupid. Keep popping those pills.
My theory is that instead of looking at her notes on that singer, she became confused when she started reading from her pile of prescriptions she wanted filled after the show.
How soon till they find her stiff grey body in a puddle of half digested painkillers?
Opie and Anthony SPORTS!
• What does Anthony think about the whole Barry Zito thing? The who with the what? Ant says YES, he was surprised that the SF Giants demoted him after signing him to a HUGE contract.
• New York Rangers vs Pittsburgh Penguins? Anthony: "Those guys had some problems". Who did, Ant? Yes, it was the Rangers who lost.
Well, that makes ME happy.
• Tonight! Flyers vs Canadiens! People are advising Travis and his wife, who are attending the game in Philly, NOT to wear their Montreal jerseys.
Lisa switched shirts with Travis for the picture. Dexter's daddy likes to look pretty in pink.
Expecting he's going to have a more severe repeat of the "Ikea Parking Lot Incident", Travis has already booked himself a Philadelphia hospital room. SMART!
oOooOoOoooOooO! It's even in Travis' favorite color!
ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
Club Soda Kenny is here with his fantastic and inspirational Traffic and Weather Report: There's a gasoline spill... will people burn to death? Kenny certainly hope so!
Kenny cheerfully gives the weather report only for cities where it will either be overcast or flat out rain. THEN Kenny gives a delightful report he read in the Old Farmer's Almanac. Sure he did.
Wow. This thing has been published since Ant was only 30!
Want to go to the HBO Comedy Show Taping being hosted by our own Little Jimmy Norton?
Jimmy "Snuggles" Norton
This is from Jim's MySpace:
To get your free pair of tickets to Jim Norton's HBO taping in May, read on...
Dates: Wednesday, May 21 and Thursday, May 22 Venue: Bergen Performing Arts Center (30 North Van Brunt St, Englewood, NJ)
You should be available to be at the venue between 6:45pm and 7:00pm on the day of the show. The show will end no later than 11:00pm.
Free tickets will be distributed on a first come, first serve basis until all seats are taken. To get your free pair of tickets, email JIMNORTONSHOW@broadwayvideo.com with the following info:
1. Your full name as it appears on your driver's license
2. Which show date you can attend - if there is no preference, you should note this, as it will increase your chances of getting tickets
3. A contact email address
4. A phone number where you can be reached during the day
Please only send ONE email - multiple emails will be deleted. HBO will begin sending out email confirmations the second week of May letting you know if your tickets are confirmed. You should also check your spam box just in case the response from HBO is filtered out. Good luck!
7:30 Wait a minute. A GOOD LOOKING FEMALE DJ? Is that even possible?
Rachel Steele follows O&A on the air on KRock in Cleveland... and she is a looker! VA VA VA VOOM! Wait a minute... what year is this?
Here she gives a li'l tour of the studio
Someone ruined the whole thing by calling in and saying that she has a kid. Why'd that guy have to call in?
Here we go again
A-jack to ass, and a-dummy to dummy
NY Yankees announcer John Sterling is known for his overblown home run calls and his awful catch phrases. He had a new one last night that combined many of his classic vocal pustules, including "Hmmmnnnnnnn-yittis far hmmmmmnnnn-yittis far, hmmmmmnnnn-yittis GONE!", "An A-Bomb...from A-Rod", and finally, "A-back to back, and a-belly to belly".
Why couldn't he have been in the plane with Cory Lidle?
This isn't the exact clip, but it's equally as loathesome
Down in Alabama there was legislation introduced so people would be able to buy specialty beers with higher alcohol content than your run of the mill dull swill. As a bloated drunk with a taste for world class beers, this is one cause I would certainly get behind.
Representative Alvin Holmes, however, did NOT agree that anyone needed more variety in their choice of beer and spoke out against the bill. Is it just me or does this guy sound like a homeless ass?
What the hell is "Milwwhuh Beer"?
Mr Holmes reminds the boys of one of our favorite clips, the Leppacon and his pot of gold.
You want the gold? Will you settle for a reading primer?
8:00
NYC is the #1 Marijuana Arrest Capital in THE WORLD! YAY FOR NY!
Anthony says it's a waste of resources. There are many more things the government should concentrate on instead. Opie says that by raising the minimum drinking age from 18 to 21, the politicians pushed teens from drinking to popping pills from mommy's medicine cabinet.
She said that it was difficult to have someone's hands down your pants when you're trying to stabilize an animal. Is it? Oddly, I've never been in that situation. Yet. Mrrff err meh!
He promised he'd left his wife for her, but when she called his house and the wife picked up (when she was expecting him) she ratted him out and 5 days later she was fired. Now she's suing him for $20 million. How nice.
Back to Pot!
Some dizzy blonde girl calls from E. Setauket, NY. She was arrested with 8 1/2 ounces of weed on her, and now she's facing 6 months in jail, but she's so stoned she's giggling over it. She hasn't even told her mother she might be going away for awhile.
That's terrific. That's terrific.
8:30
Enough About the Ratings!
By the OLD RATINGS system The Opie and Anthony Show did not do so well. By the NEW RATINGS system they KICKED ASS. In the meantime the guys want to take a bit from the Z100 Morning Zoo in order to get the ratings up. Oh sure.
Well, they had the very versatile Club Soda Kenny make a fake "prank" call (FCC rules were changed and you can no longer make actual prank calls). He "called" some guy named Ray and told him his family died due to an exploding propane tank.
Kenny sure sounds happy delivering the news, fake though it may be. "Dat's right. Dead. All of dem. Dank you. Have a nice day."
Now Lookee Here!
The Alabama Beer Guy, Alvin Holmes, is on the phone. The guys are TRYING to get him to name some beer brands, but he's too dense to take the hint. This man is a true moron, and I believe he is opposed to allowing beers with higher alcohol content to be sold in his state because he's a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome... so it's a personal thing.
That's all for today. Have fun.
Remember, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another fine clip of a "Leppacon" lover will be discovered and played on the show
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Posted: Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
First off... F Ben, F Rick, and F Chauncé.
It's Rock Scream Tuesday! Wait... it is?
6:00
There's a new ratings system coming out in the next few months. By the NEW system the guys took a big jump up in the ratings... but by the OLD ratings system they went down. What?
Very annoying.
The top rated show, according to the old system, is the Z100 Morning Zoo with Elvis Duran. Are celebrity gossip reports, fake prank calls, pop music, and "most beautiful baby contests" the keys to success in NY? According to the old ratings format, it's working for The Zoo.
Yuck!
Hannah Montana In The Neeeeeeyoooood?
Nope!
The Miley Cyrus pictures are getting a lot of buzz here in NY. She posed with her father, singer Billy Ray Cyrus, for a bunch of pix.
When the part of the session with her father was finished, he took off and left his daughter with photographer Annie Liebovitz to finish the session. THAT'S when the "questionable" photo of Miley was taken. Disney, who runs the Hannah Montana Show, says Vanity Fair set up the situation to exploit the 15 year old. I still haven't seen that photo.
Conglomerated Sam has some audio from Z100, the station in NY that's destroying in the old system of ratings. According to Sam, Elvis Duran and The Morning Zoo start their show by taking calls from listeners who tell them how funny they are. In contrast, with the Opie and Anthony Show when the fans try to say how much they love the show they are often berated before the phone is hung up on them. Interesting. The Zoo also makes ample use of a "hole" to keep the jokes "family friendly" and "dull as boiled horse crap".
One of the wonderful clips played is about Maxi-Pads. "Froggy", isn't too familiar with them and wonders if the "wings" on them help them fly. What a crazy guy! Ok terrific.
Froggy is a little out of control with the zaniness, and everyone has to try to tame him a bit. The hole does her best.
Does anyone find it coincidental that the Morning Zoo has a character named Froggy, and Elvis Duran's breath is known to often smell of tadpoles? Hmmm... I wonder.
ooOooOOoooOooOo!!!
Grand Theft Auto IV comes out today!
O&A and Ron & Fez are all over the game in tons of sound clips. The new game is expected to sell SIX MILLION COPIES in the first week. Damn!
There's that damned number again, Ant.
>>clears throat nervously<<
Look at how happy Li'l Jimmy is playing GTA4! No wonder Jimmy was voted "Boy Whose Smile Is Most Likely To Brighten Your Day"!
Shutcho' Mouf, FOO'!
Happier Times before the shizzle hit the fizzle.
Barack Obama says Reverend Jeremiah Wright does NOT speak for his campaign. Wright won't keep his mouth shut and many people think he's wrecking Obama's chances for getting the Democratic nomination. A lot of people from Middle-America are getting nervous that Obama would have aligned himself with such a loon at any time.
The very perceptive James Norton thinks that some Blacks are actually TRYING to self-destruct.
The media crisis for Obama about his involvement with Rev Wright seemed to be over... then Wright came out with a media blitz which seems to do nothing more than pump himself up while destroying Obama's chances at a very crucial point in his campaign. Thanks so much for that, Rev.
Hi-dee-hi-dee-hi-dee-ho! "Have you ever heard the parable about Bullwinklemoose and the Evil White Overlord?"
"People are saying" that Grand Theft Auto IV is the highest rated game in years, and the boys are really looking forward to getting their copies that are due to arrive at the studio around 8:00.
In the game Opie plays an Irish mobster, Jimmy runs a porn shop (no stretch there), and Anthony sings a great fake commercial for "Pißwasser" beer... as well as playing an over the top news anchor.
The guys play audio showing how the news is cluelessly trying to cover the story. It's obvious they have no idea about GTA 4 and are just talking out of their Sharptons. Naturally there are clips of people worried that if this game is played, some people will go out and kill, kill, kill. Oh really?
Right back to the Right Reverend Wright... all right?
Does Reverend Wright have the right to say what he wants? Of course. But it really looks like he's trying to sabotage Obama's campaign. If Obama wins the nomination, just know that we'll see ads from McCain's campaign connecting Wright's statements to Obama himself...and that will destroy his shot at the presidency. Anthony says he can already picture the ads. Of COURSE he can. He probably made a few of them up yesterday at home on his Mac. Such a creative fella!
People call in to discuss Obama & Wright. Someone wants to bring up a statment issued by the National Rifle Association that says Obama pretty much wants to ban all of the guns Anthony is so fond of. Herr von Cumia has heard that already, and that is one of the reasons he refuses to support Obama.
7:40
A guy calls in from Texas to say that John McCain is also fairly anti-gun. Anthony goes into that a bit, and he says that despite McCain's somewhat anti-handgun stance, he's still leaps and bounds ahead of Hillary and Obama as far as gun ownership goes.
Hackcess Hollywood
Stealing from Z100 in order to boost ratings, The Opie and Anthony Show now presents... Celebrity Gossip with Club Soda Kenny!
Here are some highlights:
Eliot Spitzer's whore, Ashley Dupree, is suing Girls Gone Wild for $10 Million because they are releasing the tape featuring her... ALLEGEDLY shot when she was 17.
Sorry... but nobody's buying that you're naiive and innocent. Now swallow that custard, take your 50 off the dresser, and get out. You're yesterday's news, Toots.
Does Pamela "Disease Riddled Has-Been" Anderson have something in common with Opie and Jimmy? Why, yes she does! She visited the famous "Exorcist Stairs" in Georgetown during a recent trip to DC... instead of going to see a speech by President Bush.
Smart choice! I've been to those steps, too. I am sure that not one person reading this cares in any way about that fact.
"Dude, Where Be Mah Car?" Sharpton seated at his deks. Mrrff err meh!
Yesterday the NY Post ran a story saying that Ass Sharpton's 2007 Jaguar was towed away while he was having lunch with U.S. Rep. John Conyers because of $900 in upaid tickets. Today the NY Daily News is reporting that the story... much like every else about RearEnd Al... is false. Oh well.
8:00
"Clubby" (aka Club Soda Kenny) has just taken delivery of the Grand Theft Auto IV games for the guys... but his timing is so awful that he totally threw Opie off and it took him a moment to regroup. Nice work!
This leads into a Kenny story about him being on the phone all day yesterday with his cell phone provider to address an issue with his new Blackberry that he wants changed. His problem is that whenever he sends an email from his new phone it gets automatically tagged with a message saying that it was sent by that cell phone provider, as well as the brand name of the particular phone. He wants that GONE, since he's not being paid to advertise for those stupid companies. I think Kenny has a good point there, and for once it's not the top of his head.
FINALLY, Kenny distributes the GTA 4 games to everyone.
Lazlow is on the phone from London and he says the game was greeted with a lot of enthusiasm over there, as well. GTA 4 is flying off the shelves in London, while millions of toothbrushes throughout the UK remain neglected and unwanted.
Sod the floss and flouride! Where's me game?
Morning Zoo!!
The guys play some clips from the Z100 (Erock's favorite station) "Celebrity Sleaze Gossip Report". It's dreadful. Each story has to include a little snippet about how much they love each person they are reporting on. To make matters worse, they used the term VeJayJay when referring to a woman's lap gap. WHY!?
What's the Furor About?
Why is Anthony's computer over at K-Rock always crashing?? It's been going on for months, and then he loses his Paltalk capabilities... and more importantly... his ability to see NAKED GIRLS! Our old pal is none too happy. None to happy, indeed.
Howabout someone looks into the problem?
The guys are so distracted by the fact that they've got the new GTA 4 games in their hands they are attempting to finish the show without any content.
Hello? Anybody there?
This oughta be good...
Erock is asked to explain the origin of his old nicname "SexBagel". Well, it seems he was working the board at another station down in Florida and someone zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
8:45
Oh, That Roger!
Mindy McCready says she really DID start having an affair with Roger Clemens when she was only 15. Ok then. But why come out with this story when you're 32? It looks like someone is starting to restart her career... and to discredit Clemens in his steroid-use case. Clemens is denying the allegations.
Three Way Boob We have ways of making you drool.
A mentally disabled man was given a "lie detector test" by a couple of mocking police officers who placed a lampshade connected to some wires on his head before they questioned him.
How great is that?
The poor guy claims he was humiliated by the officers, who I've heard (from sources I cannot name) also put their coffee cups on his back and used him as an end table. RUDE!
He's now suing the two cops, who have since retired. He wants $2 million dollars...
...but would settle for a coloring book with pictures of pretty horsies in it. "Dank you! Me take back lawsuit!"
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
This thick-tongued real life horse seems to share the fella's affliction. Maybe they should go on a play date together. That would be nice.
Here's a Cute li'l Tale...
A 7 year old boy stole his grandmammy's SUV. He started up the car and put it in gear, then went driving with his friend. They ended up smacking into a bunch of stuff, and his granny wants to whoop his ass, but figures she'd be hauled away. Anthony wants the kid locked up NOW to prevent any future shenanigans or monkeyshines.
Remember, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, Anthony will spot another young offender he'll want locked away before he can invade Ant's home a couple of years down the line. Please do your part.
-------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Other stuff, Joe
Posted: Monday, April 28, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Oh great. It's Monday. I couldn't be happier. Oh, wait a minute... Yes I could.
"I's tellin' ya...the cabbage on mah plate was piled up THIS HIGH! Those Germans sho' knows how to feed a man!"
6:00
Is Reverend Ass Sharpton going to have his troops of non-working layabouts shut down NYC today? We'll see! We'll get to that story in a bit.
Old and Scratchy
Anthony's voice is all raw today after singing all Saturday night at his birthday party, which was a blast... even if I spent half the night stuck in the gravitational field thrown off by the idiot Bubko's big giant head.
If you haven't met this drunken Italian/Ukrainian Euro-Slob, let me try to describe him for you: Take a tall version of Mr. Met, somehow acquire Jeffrey Dahmer's eyeglasses and throw them on the face, add sundry cowlicks towards the rear quadrant of the skull, get a few communications satellites to orbit the head, then have him spew out constant racially charged jokes; Now you've got a pretty clear image of our pal Mr Bubko.
I'm somewhat disturbed by the fact that on Paltalk, Bubko always has longish hair and a full beard... yet anytime he knows he's going to see me at an event he gets a Wehrmacht style haircut and shaves off his beard. What the hell is with that? By the way... he spent part of the night on the phone with his mother who was informing him that it looked like his 88 year old grandmother might not make it through the night.
His response? "Uh... I'm kind of in the middle of something here."
Bubko rules.
Yes, that's his real head... Just look at that awful thing.
Hey Bubko! If you're gonna bother getting a haircut, howsabout having someone comb the burrs from your arm hair, you friggin' savage?
Wow, I certainly went off-subject there.
Anyway, Opie and his lovely fiancée were not able to attend the party, not because Bubko's skull freaks her out (and I'm sure it does ), but because they had themselves a very rough week. Take revenge, kids! We're all behind you here, Opie... especially Big-A... so you might want to call the cops and start running. Mrrrfff err meh!
Yesterday Anthony spent only about 2 hours out of bed after much partying the night before.
The Cake
Hey! What was Anthony doing with Conglomerated Sam's hair?
The very repellant Ass Sharpton wants to shut down NYC in protest against the acquittal of 3 police officers charged in the Sean Bell shooting. Ol' Al is keeping the date of the shut down secret for now.
Anthony says you can't put the police in jail for doing their jobs. Sometimes accidents and mistakes happen in stressful situations where they hear someone (Sean Bell) say to his friend, "Get my gun". Jimmy thinks that the officers should at least lose their jobs over this... but Ant totally disagrees... as do I.
The guys take calls both for and against the cops and everyone debates.
6:30
A Perverse Tease...
TWENTY FOUR YEARS OF INCEST? A woman in Austria was locked in a basement by her father and forced to have 6 kids by him. MORE LATER!!!
Lots of calls are taken regarding the Sean Bell case.
7:00
Don't forget the Opie and Anthony Animation Contest that will happen at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC on Thursday, June 5th. For one of the entries someone took the Steve C. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" remix done by DruBoogie and did a great animation to it that will be premiered at Roseland during the contest. I'm hoping to attend.
A little help here, Hendry? I'm tryin'a get to this ding!
Oh Great...
The Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who was Barack Obama's pastor for years until video of him spewing racist crap at the pulpit was put on TV, was given a forum to speak to the country by the NAACP... instead of laying low until and giving Obama a shot at winning the Democratic nomination. If he keeps flappin' his lips it can only hurt Obama.
There's a NEW Hillary Clinton song out there. One hit blunder Sophie B Hawkins has reworked her song "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover", and turned it into "Damn, I Wish You Were President".
The decrepit Vin Scully made the call. "Oh my gosh!" was the best he could come up with. Ol' Vin also thought the ball had taken a hop in the dirt before hitting the unfortunate ump right in what Jimmy thinks of as his "whore seat".
Stings a bit...
...well it would, wouldn't it?
Don't worry. The guy is doing just fine.
Rawjuh Clemmenz?
As if Roger Clemens hasn't been having enough problems, it's just been revealed that he had a 10 year affair with Country music singer Mindy McCready. Well, that's not the worst thing in the world, is it? Well, the thing is the affair started when she was 15.
Roger, you naughty boy!
McCready Thin...
...and now. Mrrfff err meh!
Looks like Mindy didn't have dinner on the table in time. For shame!
Opie ends the segment with that great remix of Dubbaya "singing" U2's "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"
7:30
Crazy Austrian Incest Story
A 42 year old woman was kept locked in a basement by her father, who knocked her up SEVEN TIMES while the guy's wife "had no idea" anything was going on. He told the wife that the 3 grandchildren they ended up taking care of were left on their doorstep by their irresponsible daughter. Wow.
Here's the suspect: Crazy old Josef Fritzl... Police have ignored Fritzl's contention that he "was only following orders".
You know who else was from Austria?
That's right... Califührer Arnold Schwarzenegger! Wow. Time's a BITCH!
Miley Cyrus... NUDE?!
Not on THIS page!
Recently 15 year old singer/actress/future porn star Miley Cyrus did a photo spread for Vanity Fair that was shot by Annie Liebovitz. Well, that sounds fine, doesn't it? Well, it seems that Miley is claiming to be embarrassed by the attention one of the photos is getting.
I haven't seen the picture. Is Don on the phone? What happened to those pictures I was supposed to see this week?
8:00
Opie got a Google alert with "Opie and Anthony" in it last night. It was regarding a New York Times article about old racist cartoons and how they're all over YouTube. They're what's known as "The Censored 11", and have been deemed to over the top and possibly racist to be shown any more.
The reason Op got the Google Alert was because Steve C. had put his Foundry watermark on the video a few years ago when it was first brought to the show's attention... and The NY Times picked up on it, saying that Foundry is run by Opie and Anthony.
It IS?!
The NAACP has been protesting that particular cartoon as far back as 1943 when it first came out. Back then there were all sorts of cartoons made that today would never see the light of day, including ones that ripped the Japanese and Germans using total stereotypical imagery. There is one called "Education For Death", which is "the story of one of Hitler's children".
It's so cute to see Anthony when he was a youngster!
You just wanna eat your waffle? You should've finished it, Jackass.
8:30
Keebler Danny cut up some audio from "Coal Black". Wow. Even I am almost offended.
The guys spend a few minutes talking about how old cartoons have been censored and edited, including Bugs Bunny, where some of the more "violent" scenes have been deleted. Eccccch. It's BUGS! You don't edit BUGS!
We all know who is to blame, don't we? That's right. It's the albinos of Staten Island. Those webfooted bastards. That's right Joe The Editor... I'm talking to you.
THE DANGERS OF BONDAGE!
It seems a guy dressed up as a woman, then had his wife tie him up and ball gag him before leaving him, as per his request, alone in the bed room while she went out to do some things. When she came home her hubby had the worst case of blue b***s ever... the color ran right up to his face: he was dead. He had suffocated, and now the wife has been charged with reckless homicide for aiding her husband in a fantasy that she never shared. Perhaps the duct tape over the mouth wasn't the best idea.
Now how is something like that pleasurable?
The boys discuss, and Jimmy NATURALLY has a few insights.
Who the F is surprised by that? WHO CARES if people were paying? Jeeze.
Meagan, a "sub", calls up to talk about the subject of bondage a bit. Jimmy is intrigued by her...until she gives her MySpace addy and they find that she's spent a bit too much time submitting to Colonel Sanders and The Burger King. She's what you'd call "thick", and all the MySpace Voodoo in the world can't cover that up.
How disappointing for the ever-adventurous Lord Norton.
That's it for today, kids! We'll be back tomorrow.
Chicago, IL
Oh! Before I forget... Jimmy and Club Soda Kenny were at "Molly's Cupcakes" out in Chicago over the weekend. That's the place run by O&A Show friends Happy Typing Girl and Mike. Jimmy was RAVING about the cupcakes, and when some were brought in over at "the other place", he had himself much more than a sample.
It's ok, Jimmy. Sometimes a boy needs a treat.
Speaking of treats, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another dense and delicious variety of cupcake will be added to Molly's menu of baked delights. They even plan on expanding into NY. Rents are very cheap on Main Street in Godforsaken Bay Shore, NY (hint hint!). Well? I'm waiting!
----------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Posted: Friday, April 25, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Happy Friday, you miserable bastards!
6:00
The very large Patrice O'Neal is in studio this morning, and to celebrate Anthony's forthy flernfth birthday tomorrow, Chef Steve from Basil T's in Tom's River, NJ is in studio making breakfast for everyone.
I want to be in studio when that's going on, damn it!
In honor of Ant's birthday, Patrice promises to offer no "Black rebuttal" to any racial issues brought up by Anthony. This prompts Herr von Cumia to immediately bring up the trial of the police officers who shot and killed Sean Bell just after he was married. Bell is said to have driven his car at several police officers who proceeded to open fire. Anthony contends that when someone is driving at you, it's very hard to determine if the guy's got a gun.
Show Dumbbell Club Soda Kenny is in Chicago looking after the rather snuggly Little Jimmy Norton, who is doing a couple of shows there this weekend. Show friend retired NYPD Captain Billy Mac is filling in for the tall dolt. There were no other NYPD members available to handle security today because they're all on call in case rioting breaks out if the officers are acquitted in the Bell case.
Patrice says that Billy Mac looks like the ultimate cop, and that you'd need only mention his name to get out of any speeding ticket because EVERY other cop would know who he is. Patrice grills Billy for his opinion on various subjects, including whether or not he'd be nervous enough to have shot at Bell (who was driving towards the officers) and emptied his clip. "Yes, Most definately", Billy answers. Smart.
As you may or may not know, Billy Mac owns a great party yacht that is available for all sorts of occasions: The River Rose.
When the show was on this morning, a verdict was expected in the Bell shooting case at 9:00. Well, we already know what happened, don't we?
6:30
The boys are all enjoying the delicious omelettes being prepared by Chef Steve of Basil T's. I don't think it's coincidence that many of the ample-bodied Patrice appearances on the show fall on days when Chef Steve is busy at the griddle. That guy can eat! (Normally I'd use the expression "That BOY can eat" for ANYBODY... but in this day of PC Ultra-Paranoia, I have to rephrase. That is just pathetic.)
Everyone discusses if the cops are found not guilty of their charges, would they be found guilty of lesser charges just to quell demonstrations from people who don't seem to ever need to get to work.
Who saw THIS coming?
EVERYBODY!
I wonder what Obama's thinking. "...damn...shut your mouth, you silly bitch!"
Despite what he said before, Patrice starts talking race. He feels that the only reason Obama has ANY chance of overcoming White racism to become president is the fact that Hillary Clinton is the "worst communicator in history". I think Patrice has a very good point there, and I hope Mr. Peebles gives his pal a few extra treats tonight for that one! Mrrff err meh!
Patrice goes on to say that Hillary is such an awful person he wants to marry her just so he can cheat on her. I'm not sure the large gentleman would LIVE long enough to cheat. Just the prolonged sound of Hillary's voice might be enough to burst one of the sugar soaked arteries in Patrice's diabetic brain.
Don't do it, Patrice!
Here's The Pitch
Patrice has an idea for a show: Patrice O'Neal's White People, where he finds out what things White people really like and compares them to Black folks by having them watch movies and tv shows the other group finds enjoyable. He'd even have them drink whatever alcoholic beverages the other was crazy about and see how they reacted.
That sounds like it could be interesting for one episode.
Race Race Race
So much for Patrice's promise!
I like when Patrice is in... I can put down my pen and stop taking notes, because a lot of the topics and rebuttals discussed would never be allowed to be quoted verbatim in the rundown... and NATURALLY I couldn't offer my own silly take on things, even if I'm just trying to be funny.
That would be too much.
7:00
Patrice is going to performing at "GIGGLES" in Seattle on May 2nd and 3rd. GIGGLES? Who names these comedy clubs? It's ironic that establishments meant to showcase humorous creativity are named by some of the most dreadful hacks you could imagine. Speaking of hacks, perhaps I have a future naming comedy clubs.
Patrice jumps topics when discussing money, and says that he's so into women that he once got a Black woman, who was a bill collector trying to collect, to come over and "see him". When she called he told her to Google his name and see who he is; he gave her is personal number... and she flew out to see him.
SHE FLEW TO SEE HIM. Wow.
Here she is when Patrice got finished with her... "Alright, Honey! I'll delete that bill from the computer! PLEASE help me out of this!"
Back to the Snipes Money Trial: He owes $3,000,000 in back taxes. DAMN!
Patrice wants to know how the hell Wesley made himself $40 Million doing crappy direct-to-video movies for so many years?
We'll have to leave that one for the experts: Big A and Stalker Patti. Why not?
The guys imagine all the stupidity Snipes is going to have to put up with in prison:
"You ain't so tough wiffout yo' sword, are ya, Blade?" The poor guy!
Spell Casting Time
(in case of "problems" in the prison showers)
Looks like ol' Wesley's getting ready to shrink some genitals! Lingerrrr Longerrr!!! ( one day! )
7:30
The studio is decorated for Anthony's birthday: An assault rifle hangs near the window. There are camouflage birthday hats and little army men all over the place. Opie's sorry it's decorated not in the style of Anthony's favorite "era", but what can ya do?
NEXT year Ant would prefer hats like THIS to be worn on his birthday. Now THAT'S a "hat" worthy of Anthony.
Birthday Greetings
DJ Scorch is calling in to wish Anthony a happy birthday. But wait! He has a TERRIBLE revelation: Scorch no longer does the Color and Number Of The Day! WHAT!? The guys talk about the time Dave Dickless came on board up at WAAF and how he fired Scorch by telling him something to the effect that "Scorch was Hamburger... which is good... but that Dave was in the mood for Pizza". Thanks a lot, A-hole.
Scorch comes out with a very bizarre statement that we have yet to confirm: Ozone, an old buddy and fellow DJ of O&A's from up at 'AAF, is now a GIRL NAMED REBECCA. Excuse me? He claims that Ozone has had what amounts to a sex change. If that's true, I guess the guys will have to rename the bit "The NoBone Midget Sighting Of The Day". MRRFF ERR MEH! That's terrible, I'm sorry.
Opie and Anthony Show staff investigator Erock, checks into things and finds out that Ozone is still on the air... now in New Orleans... and he's found a website that shows Ozone still looking like himself. Oh, that silly Scorch!
Ozone... supposedly just a few days ago.
Hang on a second...
What the hell happened to Patrice? Well, since he devoured the delicious steak prepared for him by Chef Steve, he hasn't said a word.
It looks like Mr O'Neal is in a Meat Coma.
8:00
Opie says he loves having Patrice on the show, because he brings so much to it... but admits that at the end of any show with him he's mentally exhausted.
The guys talk a bit about how great the food is, and somehow decide that Erock will eat ANYTHING. While that may not be true, we do know for a fact that Erock DID eat a couple of Steak And Potato Martinis. Eccccccchhhh.
More Birthday Greetings!
Maury Povich is on the phone to wish Ant a happy birthday. O&A tell him that their favorite episodes BY FAR of Maury's show are the "phobia" shows... and point out the one where the guy dressed all in cotton puffs came out to terrify some loony who has a fear of cotton.
Somebody PLEASE smack her. HARD.
Drumroll, Please!
The great Ronnie B is on the line with birthday wishes for fellow radio genius Anthony. Ronnie promises that as soon as he gets Fez put away he'll take Ant out to dinner. What a great guy!
F*** THE NEW YORK POST!
Opie is pissed that the Post still hasn't printed a retraction of that false "sex tape" story they published a couple of days ago. Luckily, FMQB let people know that the story was fake... but now it's time for that crap-rag of a "newspaper" to step up, as well.
Fatty Pneumonia Is Insane
The guys get on the subject of Fez Whatley's lunacy, which seems to be never-ending. You have to admit... it can make for some compelling radio.
Fantastic then.
Yes, he KNOWS what it rhymes with. STOP IT.
Bob Saget makes a call to Ant for his birthday... but didn't recall that Anthony and his long time girlfriend Mellinda broke up a couple of months ago. UNCOMFORTABLE!
Poor Nik! He says that even Anthony's BLACK friends are racists! Mrrfff!
K-Rock DJ Nik Carter comes into the studio, and is quickly picked on by Patrice, who says he looks like a gay version of Don Muraco.
...well...maybe a little.
8:40
Fez Marie Whatley is on the phone. Opie says that his lovely fiancée gets all emotional when she listens to the Ron and Fez Show and Fezzie starts crying. Anthony take a different approach: He wants Fez to log onto PalTalk from home, this way we can watch him fall apart on camera.
Wow. Anthony's always thinking!
Bring On the Cake and Beer!!
A nice birthday cake is brought in for Ant, as well as a bucket of cold Bud Light. VERY thoughtful!
Even K-Rock's elusive new GM showed up to give her regards to Anthony on his big day... and Patrice tries to talk her up. Although they didn't get into it on this side of the show, Patrice wants to break up with his girlfriend... but just for the summer. It sounds like Mr O'Neal is planning some shenanigans.
Erock Gets Six Flags... Someone get this kid a gig doing dog voices...
He sure loves his bacon...
We leave you with this little gem from proud parents Travis and Lisa
Nauseating... but I have to admit that li'l bastard is cute.
That's it for this week, people. We'll be back on Monday for more nonsense.
Remember... for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, something or other will happen that's both funny and good. I'm too lazy to even attempt to come up with another one this week.
Seeya.
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Other stuff, Joe
Posted: Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
It's Thursday... all day long, as I like to say! Ecccccchhhhh
Things are coming together nicely...
6:00
Opie says a lot of people will wake up shaking in their shoes this morning. He says it was the "perfect storm" of events that sent him over the edge and into action. He's sick of certain ex-employees trashing the guys once they're let go. Why do some of them feel they have to run to the media to have them print their lies and distortions?
Yesterday Opie spent from 9AM till 10PM on the phone, getting in touch with "people" and "taking care" of a few "things".
Page Six of the New York Post was somehow convinced by garbage rag publisher Chauncé Hayden that Op's lovely fiancée starred in a sex tape with Bam Margera. Hayden made it sound like he was sure the tape existed, but had to admit to FMQB yesterday that he's never actually SEEN it. Op says it's going to get VERY ugly for ol' Chauncé. Perhaps the guy shouldn't have been so eager for attention.
Well, now he's gonna get some. Let's hope he enjoys it.
Go ahead, Chauncé! Show us what you're good for.
Jimmy got himself a PlayStation 3 so he can play Grand Theft Auto IV, which is coming out on April 29th. Op says Jimmy needs to get a video guy over his place to set things up for him so he can run everything with one universal remote.
FANCY!
The guys talk about how amazed they are that supposed "journalists" no longer check their facts or sources. That's precisely how the NY Post and the CW11 News have screwed themselves on this one. Next time look into things before you start publishing accusations like that.
6:30
Jimmy's going to Chicago later to do two sold out shows. VERY nice! Tomorrow, Patrice O'Neal will be filling in for Jimmy, and Colin Quinn's been invited back, as well. I imagine there'll be a laugh or two had by all.
When Animals Act Like Animals
Anthony talks about a couple of his favorite animal attack stories, including the TV woman sitting next to a bear and getting pummeled when the beast detected how frightened she was of it.
Smack that bitch up!
And who can forget the story of the chimp who was brought a birthday cake by the folks who raised it into adolescence? His little chimp friends at the zoo got quite jealous of the birthday boy, and they attacked the two well-wishers when they came into the cage, chewing off fingers and testicles.
After that, there wasn't much to celebrate, and the party broke up.
Anyway, there was a 750lb bear out in California who had a scene in the movie "Semi Pro" with Will Ferrell. After licking his trainer's face, the bear attacked and killed him. It sounds like the bear could've used a bit more training. The guys speculate that the bear may have been frustrated after having to have been a part of that crapfest of a film.
They may be onto something.
Insanity In Asia
From an Australian news report we learn that Indonesian massage parlors offer something extra: prostitution. Who'd have believed that? In order to crack down on the girls working there giving up their nether regions, government officials are now requiring the girls to put on a what amounts to a chastity belt before entering a room with a client.
WHAT?
Unless they are also required to put on a muzzle and have their hands sealed in blocks of lucite before they go in, I don't think it's going to cut down much on their customers leaving the parlors fully satisfied. If they REALLY want to keep the customers from having sex with the girls, just have the ladies wear a t-shirt with pictures of Chastity Bono on the front and back. This way the guy will never even be able to become slightly aroused.
This...
...or THIS
Ol' Blood-Flow Restrictor Face
7:00
Jimmy is very irritated by the fact that lazy clowns in the media don't bother to check on facts before running a story... exactly the reason the sex tape story got out of hand. As I said before, stupid Chauncé admitted to FMQB yesterday that he didn't check to see if that tape actually existed. I hate the man not only based upon the awful quality of his reporting, but for the fact that I have to always switch my keyboard over to "French" format in order to type his nauseating name properly.
He says he NEVER made the tape that was reported in the Post, and that he's never even met the two treacherous turds who claimed to have gotten the sex tape DIRECTLY FROM HIM. Bam says the whole story is nonsense and that he thinks it has to have come from jealous ex-show employees trying to get back at Opie for some unknown reason.
He is so adament that the tape doesn't exist, he says he'll match Opie's promise of $100,000 cash to anyone who can produce ANY copy of the tape if it exists.
PROMO TIME!
Bam just did a movie called "Where The F Is Santa?", which is about going to the North Pole and finding the real Santa Claus, who he says actually lives in Finland above the Arctic Circle.
They are the two fans of the show who got in touch with Bam and made this whole phone call possible today. Very nice job, gentlemen!
Calling All A-holes
Steve C. has been in a conversation with the loathesome Chauncé for the past 15 minutes. He's telling Steve that he never said he saw any video of Op's girl, an
