Daily Opie and Anthony Show Updates Postings for February 2008
WHAT DID WE LEARN? FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 2008
Posted: Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
It's Frideeeeeeee!! It's about time.
6:00
Patrice O'Neal is in studio for Jimmy Norton, who is out in Cleveland. Patrice is wearing a beaver hat and is all dressed up in his new style.
Did the Cotton Club have a tag sale?
Hi di hi di hi di ho!
He says that Anthony is looking good, too... and thinks he'll soon be dressing fancier, as well. Can we look forward to the return of the Periwinkle Kid? We'll have to wait and see.
Last Saturday, when Ant popped in to Lazlow's show over at "the other place," Patrice called in to complain that Ant had never shown up on HIS show and thinks it smacks of racism. After the show, Patrice went with Dru Boogie to find him at the bar everyone heads to after the Saturday Night Virus shows. He told Ant that since he revealed on Lazlow's show that he and Mellinda had broken up it was time for him to cancel all the credit cards and cut her off.
Patrice is gloating over Ant's breakup because all he wants to see in a relationship is THE GUY happy... he doesn't care whether or not the girl is actually happy. Also, Patrice thinks Anthony needs to break off his buddy relationship with the fans. According to him, Ant needs to upgrade the quality of the women he's going after. NO MORE PALTALK CHICKS. Wait. What?
The Main Ballroom at Chateau Cumia
Patrice wants Ant to fill it with fancier women.
6:30
Patrice is LOVING Ant's breakup, and during the commercials he was cracking up the studio with his lunatic relationship theories.
What's the show doing to help Ant get back into circulation? Op tells Patrice about the Hot Teen Girl Pajama Party, but he doesn't think that's what should be done. HE wants a swinger party where Ant charges admission for the women to enter his fancy man's world.
We all know the kind of "girl" Patrice is interested in.
What Patrice is mostly worried about is that Ant will get another girlfriend who's gonna scratch off the Cumia Lottery Ticket... and Patrice wants to make sure Ant changes his relationship aims and puts that ticket through the shredder.
7:00
STUPID RADIO!
Out on Long Island, a DJ who works for the local radio station WBLI was suspended after refusing to apologize for making fun of the residents of Mastic, NY... which is not the nicest place on LI.
Yes, it's even sub-Bay Shore. Can you imagine?
THE Definitive History Of Mastic
According to statistics, Mastic is 77% White. Ok then.
This is what went down:
Some woman from Mastic called into 'BLI for a radio contest. The DJ, named Randy, asked her if the pipes under her trailer had frozen, or if she had insulation under there. He was implying that she was White Trash.
It was just a silly little joke but the woman got all bent out of shape saying that she lived in a HOUSE, then called 'BLI management to complain. Well, the management went to Randy and demanded an apology, which he refused... and now he's suspended for insulting their listeners.
One question: What kind of a life did that woman actually have if she was calling into 'BLI for a contest? The #1 song on that station at the moment is "Playing With The Queen Of Hearts" by Juice Newton.
Here's the DJ who's been suspended:
Randy, looking like a member of at least 2 minorities...
Hello Sailor!
Randy knows all about being ZANY! Just... YECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHH!
Bob Vecchio, the head of the William Floyd School District is demanding that Randy gets fired. WHAT? CALM DOWN, PEOPLE! Everyone is so sensitive.
Speaking of which...
In Pennsylvania there is a huge controversy over a new billboard that advertises "Crispy Frickin' Chicken." Some people claim they are "offended" by the wording. Oh really? That shouldn't even BEGIN to offend ANYONE.
I guess my "Cluckin' F**kin' Turducken" ad campaign should be put on hold. Mmmmmmmmmm... Turducken... gllrrrgglrrrlggglrrlgg
Anyway, Mastic residents call into O&A saying that Randy's comments aren't offensive and that they realize they are jokes... even going so far as to say that they are fairly accurate.
Here's a sweet fact: Mastic is known for its disproportionate number of sex offenders living in the area. Watch out for those "red zones!" And PLEASE stay away from the woods! There are zombies living in there!!!
See? Mastic residents protesting WBLI DJ Randy...
O&A Honor...
To conclude the Opie and Anthony Show's celebration of Black History Month, we celebrate yet another lesser known hero of Black History. Today's Black Hero: Matthew Alexander Henson, who was the first Black man to reach the North Pole.
"Oh Lordy, it am cold!"
Was he also the first to ask, "Which way is Norf?" Someone check that for me!
7:30 NICE WORK, PESTS!
Stupid Maxwell, the hack radio personality out in Cleveland who thought it wise to badmouth the Opie and Anthony Show, called in sick yesterday after two days of a Pest phone and email pummeling. It seems that Benjamin "Haxwell" Bornstein wasn't able to hold his own in a radio battle. Awwwwwwwww! Go home and change your baby's dump filled diapers. At least there you'll be doing something semi-useful.
Click here for an example of the GARBAGE Bornstein thinks is entertaining. Or don't and save yourself the time.
Mastic Baiting
"Gregg and Tony" welcome Bob Vecchio to the phone. He's the head of the school board out in Mastic who is calling for the firing of Randy. Why is he bothering? Vecchio says that the jokes were "mean spirited" and "disparaging to the youth" of their community. Always back to "the kids."
Bob "Buttinsky" Vecchio
"Gregg and Tony" start out sounding supportive, saying that the comments were deplorable... but soon enough Opie and Anthony emerge from the drivel. Op tells Vecchio that the Mastic community has bigger things to worry about than what some unimportant DJ says on a radio show when trying to be funny and mentions a case from a few weeks ago where some guy was trying to snatch young girls off the street. Snatch.
The guys ask Vecchio what HE finds funny, and he says he thinks George Carlin is very funny, but "not over public airwaves." Gotta keep it safe! Oh sure.
After messing with the guy a while, the boys are disturbed to find that they sort of like him, since he's hanging in trying to support his view. He still won't admit that he's being a douche for calling for Randy's firing, but he at least laughs a few times.
Still... how can someone claim to support free speech while at the same time be calling for a radio host's firing because of something he said?
Patrice finishes the whole thing up by telling Vecchio he wants to ride out to Mastic, light up some torches, and get rid of those zombies.
That sure would be something.
8:00
TJ Miller is in studio. He's in to promote "Cloverfield" which he starred in as the character "Hud"... because the buzz around the film is starting to fizzle out.
Patrice HATED Cloverfield and he goes at it with TJ a bit. I cannot confirm rumors I heard this morning that TJ was in studio to secretly shoot footage of Patrice for "Cloverfield 2."
Let's compare:
The Cloverfield Monster vs Patrice
I can see how this could work.
Is TJ insulted that Patrice hated the movie?
Not at all... in fact, he tells the boys about his landlady who also despised the movie. Her main complaint was that all the shaking of the picture in the film made her physically naseous, and she demanded her money back.
To make TJ feel a little better, Opie points out that on RottenTomatoes Cloverfield has 77% positive reviews.
Time To Share
The guys tell TJ about the plans for sending Anthony to an as of yet unnamed teen girl's high school prom.
How's that going, by the way? Anybody volunteering the services of their daughter? Daddy's little girl's gonna have to put out SOMEtime... it might as well be with a fancy man who can talk like Tom Brokaw while he's showing her how adept he is at opening her bra with one skeletal hand.
Mastic HS Prom Queen 2006 Interested, Ant?
Audio Buffoonery
Smooth twink loving (allegedly) producer Steve C. made a great new promo for Uncle Anthony's Speed Dating Extravaganza. It seems that suddenly Ant's age has jumped to 63. Wow.
And did I hear something about "mein Führer" in there? Interesting.
8:30
Ant's heading out to Cleveland this afternoon to see Jimmy's show and to hang out with him... but Opie and Patrice suspect some shenanigans. Patrice wants to know if Anthony's going out there to hook up with some Paltalk girl to show her how he does it "Unter Den Linden" style.
In honor of Patrice being in studio, Op comes out with this statistic: 1 out of every 100 people in the United States is in jail. Damn! ...yet Al Sharpton still walks free.
This just in:
Children who are spanked are more likely to have sexual problems as adults, including masochistic tendencies and riskier sexual practices.
The guys discuss who got spanked as a kid, and if they think they have any hang-ups because of it. Mike the cop is in studio and when asked if he has any problems from being spanked as a kid he said, "of course." Ok terrific!
A future friend of Jim Norton.
Speaking of sexual hang-ups... the boys recall the time Patrice showed up looking like a Whore-To-Whore Salesman with his briefcase full of about 30 marital aids. He claims he just wanted to show them to the guys... but 30? That's a hell of a lot more than 2. In fact, it's 28 more.
See? I can do the math myself. Me ares smart.
More Voyeurism For Your Buck
In North Carolina, some ambitious fella was charged with 114 counts of peeping at female customers at the Old Navy he was working at. He was putting a camera under the side of the stall and taping them trying on clothes.
I guess he found "where the White women at."
That's it for this week, kids.
Enjoy your weekend! Try to drink too much.
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Links, pics & edits by Joe C.
Posted: Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
It's Thursdeeeeeeee!
6:00
How's Anthony doing in that big house of his?
He SAYS he's just fine. Last night he lit a DuraFlame log in the ol' fireplace, then sat at his computer playing Call Of Duty 4. According to Ant, he makes an effort to get to bed so he can wake up early enough to make it into work on time. He thinks that the one thing that keeps him in check is the fact that they don't do the show in the afternoon... if they did then he'd be totally out of control and out every night.
Yeah. No kiddin'.
Voyeur Patrol!
A guy in Queens calls in as he's peering out his window right into the bathroom of a hot girl across the way as she showers. He sounds a bit worked up as she lathers her hair and her supple young body.
What's with the bikinis in the shower?
This reminds Op of a story about one of his brothers: Every morning he had a clear view into his hot neighbor's her bathroom and he'd set his alarm so he would be up early enough to catch her in the shower. He'd have snacks all lined up by his bed so he could have himself a quick meal while enjoying the view.
Overripe Teases
O&A talk about the seven girls from RipeTV who were over at "the other place" yesterday. While the guys interviewed the promotion whores, the flatscreens in the studio were showing some of the most heinous porn you could imagine. The girls flipped out and left the studio as if it was on fire. If they had been good sports and were willing to answer a few questions about their sexual exploits they may have been treated a little better.
The girls showed exactly why strippers or girls who have nothing going on but their looks NEVER makes for good radio.
"I would so bang you. Hoo Hoo! Tell 'em Fred!"
Steve in San Francisco calls in saying that the girls fail to realize that with what's available on the internet the days of "Tease TV" are over. Good friggin' point.
Ant Warned Ya!
There was another Long Island home invasion... this one was in Elmont. The invaders were chased away by the gun wielding homeowner. Fantastic.
Anthony says that even thought he's alone in that huge house of his now he feels safe because he has his guns to keep him warm.
6:30
The guys talk about the screening of Semi-Pro... which was right near that awful Port Authority Bus Terminal, where teens arrive from the Midwest to persue their dreams of living in NY. I'm sure THAT usually goes well.
"Hey Kid! Are you familiar with the WOW campaign"
Perhaps Anthony could bring a couple of those impressionable girls back to Chateau Cumia and turn them into coke whores. Everyone in studio explores how that might go and it certainly sounds like it would be a fun thing to observe.
"Perhaps more than that!"
PHILLY CREW NEWSFLASH!
A belated Happy Birthday to Big Ken... Op's future father-in-law! Opie was too busy yesterday obsessing over his bowel movements to remember to announce it.
Nice work, Champ.
Guilty Pleasure Songs?
Anthony admits that his is "Manic Monday" by The Bangles. MLECCCCCCCCHHH!
7:00
It's "The Safety Dance" bringing us back from break. It's JIMMY'S guilty pleasure. I was thinking his G/P was a Corn Brownie dropped onto his chest... then I realized that NO guilt is involved with that one.
Than's guilty pleasure is "Rest In Peace" by Extreme. Well then.
Tales From The Little Shelter
A 24 year old ass squeezed and threw his girlfriend's cats because he had a fight with her. One of the cats died, and the other one is recovering, though traumatized.
Did You HAVE To Go There?
Some moron calls in saying that his guilty pleasure is that Hillary song.
Opie plays it again, of course. Why wouldn't he?
Suffer
Melrose Sonny Forelli calls in saying Abba's "Dancing Queen" is his guilty pleasure and wants to know if that makes him gay. No, sir... it doesn't. HOWEVER, it does reinforce our notions that you're a Boston jackass.
RIPE GIRLS
Opie plays the audio of the girls being shown the porn during their interview, and Jimmy's jaw hurts from clenching it every time one of the girls plugs her awful, non-sexy show.
Loosen up, Harlots! I think "Tiffany" was born with "boy parts."
HAXWELL
Benjamin Bornstein was bitching AGAIN about O&A after an email and phone attack was pulled off by The Pests.
EMAIL THE MAXWELL SHOW max@wmms.com Stans@wmms.com
Bornstein was trying to put down Norton, but the idiot ended up plugging Jimmy's upcoming gig at the Cleveland House Of Blues.
Thanks, Stupid!
Anyway, Anthony is going to fly to Cleveland tomorrow to support Jimmy at the show Maxwell is going to show up at to "punch him in the face." Ant's hoping to win a medal for his bravery.
You Know Who would be so proud!
The call screener over at Maxwell's show BEGGED The Pests to stop calling... the phones couldn't handle the sheer volume of callers. Bornstein, of course, took NO calls during his show. Not a very brave little douche, is he? He talks a lot of crap but it seems that he can't take it. Benjamin Bornstein is what we like to refer to as a bitch.
Watch and vomit...
Check out Max-Swelled's awful goatee. ECCCCHHH
7:45
"See You Again," by Miley Cyrus is someone on the show's guilty pleasure...
Who can it be? That's right, Conglomerated Sam.
Nice choice, Sock Brows.
Anthony's Prom Date?
Opie would like to plan a LEGAL Teen Pajama Sleepover over at Anthony's... complete with Paltalk cameras.
"You gonna stick with that popcorn,
or would you like to try some nice Italian sausage?"
In all the years that O&A have known each other, this is pretty much the first time Ant is not in a relationship. Opie's trying to come up with ideas to get Anthony back in circulation, because life shouldn't be just playing video games by yourself and watching Leni Riefenstahl films over and over and over and over...
Op has ANOTHER idea for next week: "ANTHONY SPEED DATING"! Ok! Terrific!
What do you think, Ant? The haggard looking blonde or ol' Cher After a Stroke Face?
O&A Honor...
Once again The Opie and Anthony Show celebrates Black History Month by honoring the lesser known Black Heroes. Today's Honorees: The People of Crichton Alabama, for their wonderful commentary on the local leprechaun.
Anyone else see the Leprechaun say "Yeah!"
8:00
Blob Kelly has managed to squeeze himself into the studio, once again looking like the Death Star in a hat.
Wow. Bob really HAS put on some weight!
After a couple of minutes Bob settles in with a large Dunkin' Donuts cup... which he's secretly filled with Munchkins. Smart!
Without being provoked, Bob starts in on Anthony, asking him if his bed is lonely and if the other side of it is cold now that he's broken up with his girl. Ant says he's doing ok. Bobby can't let it go, but he should: The other side of his bed is ALWAYS cold because it's a cheesecake filled fridge. I have my sources.
Blobby's Custom Made iPhone Nummy! That sure is Fatting Edge technology.
On the Paltalk camera the glare off Blub's head is blinding! Put your hat back on! A little known fact about Bob: He shaved his head because shampooing with Duncan Hines Frosting was becoming too expensive.
Lather, Rinse, Inflate.
Here's one of Bob's earliest TV appearances. Takes you back, doesn't it?
Some girl calls in saying that she'd like to warm the other side of Ant's bed. Sounds interesting, but...
...how old a gal are ya? 32?! Beat it, Granny!
All Joking Aside
I kid with Bob Kelly, but he's a very funny guy. His new CD, "Just The Tip" comes out April 8th. From what I understand, the original working title of the album was "Fatso Says Moo" and I'm not sure why it was changed.
8:45
This just in:
Some people are actually calling the Take Anthony To Your Prom Hotline. Amazing.
Op plays audio of a few of the "girls" who've called in to see if Ant wants to take them to the prom. Something in the pitch of their voices tells me these "girls" would be better off asking Li'l Jimmy to accompany them. He's always happy to give a lady with an Adam's Apple a nice Custard Corsage to stain her gown.
Beep! Beep!
The guys end the show with the bleeped news audio about the Peeping Tom who had drilled a hole into his floor in order to peer into his downstair neighbor's shower. Very amusing. Bob Kelly once did something similar: He had a trap door installed in his floor right above his neighbor's refrigerator so he could fish out snacks.
Oh that Bobby! So creative!
Plug Time!
• Catch Bobby in the new horror film "Dawn Of The Overfed" which we hope will someday open somewhere. We're assuming it will be an IMAX presentation.
• Brother Elmo has a BRAND NEW O&A St Patrick's Day shirt!
NICE!
CLICK THE PIC AND ORDER ONE NOW!
• Thanks to my buddy Hutson for making that mean-spirited "Girth Star" image of Bob Kelly exactly to my specifications. Good boy.
And lastly... here's one from awhile back.
Classic. That's some ending.
We'll be back tomorrow. Oh!... No check yet... 2 months to the day. OK TERRIFIC!
----------------------------------------------
Written by Steve from Bay Shore Links, pics & edits by Joe C.
Posted: Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
It's Whip 'Em Out Wednesday!
6:00
Thank God nobody was injured at the screening of Semi-Pro yesterday. O&A did NOT get a special screening room... the theater they were brought to was right near the Port Authority Bus Terminal, which is a delightful place if you like being around homeless bums and pimps looking to recruit runaway teens as they arrive on buses from the Midwest.
RUN!
When the boys got out of the van taking them to the theater they were accosted by guys dressed in Will Ferrell wigs who wanted to snap pix of everyone. There was also strict security at the door, mainly to make sure all cell phones were turned off. When told to turn off HIS phone, Kenny said, "Dat's nice. No." He was probably worried about the power button wearing out due to excessive use. “I turn it on in the mornin’, den I turn it off at night. Dat’s it. I’m not made of money, ya know.”
Theater Security
They also wanted to make sure people had no video cameras to bootleg the film, that won't be released until Friday... wide. Of course, there was no metal detector to make sure the dump of a theater was gun free. Why would they check for that?
NOT YOU
When O&A finally made their way into the theater itself they found 2 rows reserved just for them. Opie noticed people who were behind them had their hands up as if in welcome to the big radio stars.
Well, that's not what it was. That wasn't what it was at all.
It seems that there was a guy going around the crowd throwing stupid "Semi-Pro" promotional items to the people with the raised hands. Because he thought they were greeting THEM, Op gave a huge "how ya doing" wave to the throng which had obviously been brought in after a quick ticket hand out at the bus terminal. Op then realized that the swarm of filthy homeless had no interest in his arrival and probably didn't even know who he was. Ol' Mr Hughes was quite embarrassed.
Poor fella. That must be rough on a kid just out of college. Op was probably hoping for a pair of those turtle arms John McCain had. It would’ve must harder for him to wave around his arms and make a spectacle of himself.
Enjoy the movie, BITCH!
Well, the movie was alright, but the audience was NOT. A large percentage of the people there had gang tattoos. Despite that, Anthony was able to fall asleep on the shoulder of Op's lovely fiancée. I hope her shirt didn't get all drooly with Ant's fancy man’s spittle. He used to rest his evil head on JackJack when he'd doze off during a film, but those days are gone.
Hey! How did those corndogs taste? Who knows!? The homeless scarfed them all down and O&A and their three fans who showed up (including the ever-revolting Stalker Patti) didn't see corndog 1.
Patti would've been disappointed anyway... corndogs don't vibrate.
The Opie and Anthony Show would like to thank K-Rock for sending them to that screening and putting them in harm's way. The theater was at 42nd and 9th... and Jimmy says that he knows from a cop friend of his that it's known as a gang theater. Oh great. The one across the street is visited by the rival gang.
Opie requests that the next time K-Rock wants to send them to a movie screening have it be in a theater outside of Gangland!
Take note!
6:30
Opie says that after that awful theater experience John McCain is starting to look like the candidate for him. Jeeze, I wonder why.
Ant doesn't feel that it's going to be a landslide victory for McCain, but he hopes most people will be too afraid to vote for Obama or Hillary and will vote Republican.
Speaking of which, some guy was trying to call in yesterday to say that he was going to bring a sign to last night's debate between Hillary and Obama. The sign was to say, "The C. vs The N." He wasn't planning on abbreviating. Wow.
Anyway, during that Democrapic borefest Hillary bitched that she's always being asked the first question during these debates, then made reference to a skit on Saturday Night Live this past week in which the reporters were asking Obama if there was anything they could do to make him more comfortable, including getting him pillows. Right.
They sort of have a point.
The Anthony Cumia Promtological Exam Contest
If you're a girl age 18 and up and would like to take Anthony to your prom, give a call to 1-866-FU-LINE1 Jimmy has a new rule he wants implemented: The girl's parents must be AT LEAST 6 weeks younger than Anthony.
7:00
Jimmy Norton is playing Cleveland this weekend.
He’s going to leave 2 tickets in the name of “Maxwell” and 2 in the name of “Benjamin Bornstein” ( Maxwell’s REAL name) at the door of the club. Maxwell said on his show that he will punch Jimmy in the face. Sure he will. Hackswell would need a step ladder to reach our li’l snuggle puggle’s face.
Moment Of C
The nasty lie detector game show “Moment Of Truth” had a married couple on the show: a hot blonde and her NYC cop husband. During the time the woman was in the hot-seat they brought out her ex-boyfriend. He asked her if she believed that HE was the man she should be married to. She answered, “Yes.” This was while her husband was sitting right there.
Jimmy is disgusted that THIS is the type of entertainment that keeps America watching.
The next question was, “Since you’ve been married have you had sexual relations with somebody other than your husband?” Her answer? “YES.” Her cuckold of a hubby just sat there and took it.
He should’ve gotten up and treated her the way Tommy treated Spider when he got a bit lippy in Goodfellas. You shouldn't have backsassed him, Spider.
This awful rag of a woman claimed that she did the show for the money. I guess it didn’t matter to her that her husband’s reputation was probably ruined at work and his ego was shattered. Nice work, Toots. In the end she lost all the money... so she made herself look like a whore and humiliated her husband for nothing. How wonderful. Ha and Ha. What was the question that lost her all the money? “Are you a good person?” She answered yes and the lie detector said she was not being truthful. Well, no sh**.
The Diapered Don
The New York Daily News had a photo on Page 3 of a cancer ravaged John Gotti taken a few months before his death. Gotti’s widow is furious and hurt. I don’t care how long he’s been dead... I wouldn’t want to upset his family. The News says what a terrible thing it was that a website published the pic for all to see... yet they put the picture in their own paper. Someone points out that it’s exactly the same thing that O&A are doing with the “Moment Of Truth” audio.
Good point, sir. Good point.
7:30
Remember that story a few months back about those starving horses that had to be rescued? One was named Opie, a 20+ year old stallion... the other named Anthony, a meek gelding. Interesting.
Well, we have an update: Opie The Horsey was not able to overcome the complications of malnutrition and, unfortunately, has died. Rumors have it that the carcass was butchered and sent to feed the wild Albinos of Staten Island.
Hey Joe! Was it tender or a bit stringy?
(ed. note: "Falling off the bone!")
A Peek Inside
Opie was thinking about how they handled the “voyeur” calls yesterday. They took calls from a few boring guys... not calls from girls that might’ve actually had a hot story to tell.
Well, a few girls heard what Op said and called in. One of them was Erin. Hers was a tale of an apartment she once shared with another girl. One night they spotted a guy having a tug as he peeped through their window. Yikes. The guy ran off, only to return a bit later. Her roommate called the police, who asked for a description. Steve C. was listening to this story and was disappointed she didn’t describe the voyeur as looking “moist and helmety” ...which is the way Steve prefers his stable of young interns.Allegedly.
Another girl calls in and her story drifts to the subject of a printing press. What? Thanks, Ms. Gutenberg.
A listener calls in to say that the guys asked girls to call with their stories and when they finally do, they yell at them and make them feel even dumber than they are. Another good point.
O&A Honor...
Once again, to celebrate Black History Month, the Opie and Anthony Show are proud to present yet another Hero Of Black History. Today’s honoree: Isaac Hayes for playing “The Duke Of NY” in John Carpenter’s 1981 film, “Escape From New York”.
Here he is getting deadened...
The You Tubes didn't have any other clips of The Duke.
8:00
Don’t forget the new O&A Animation Contest! So far the prize is up to $2500. All Op asks is that contestants DO NOT post their entries ANYWHERE so that when they are premiered at the Beacon Theater sometime in April they will be a nice surprise for everyone.
A voluptuous girl named Summer calls in and tells about her voyeurism fantasy... where she's in the middle of a bunch of guys who "enjoy themselves" while watching her naked body.
Great. Dad must be proud.
Here’s a nice one:
Some guy was arrested when a woman in the apartment below his noticed a spy hole drilled in her shower ceiling. How big was that friggin’ hole? One of the things that clued her in was anytime she was showering she would hear someone hissing, “Drop the soap! Drop the soap!”
Our own Danny used to live in a basement apartment and caught his landlord’s son peepin’ in while he was trying to do the dirty with his girl. Danny caught him when he noticed that it appeared as if a cloud had rolled by when the shadow looming outside his window suddenly cleared away. Danny busted the guy after he saw his face up against the glass. The curious chap claimed he was just fixing the sprinkler.
I’m not sure if this was before or after elf-like Danny lived in the Keebler tree.
A ceramic model of Danny's former residence.
8:30
Opie has a request: Paltalk girls! Don’t show your asses on cam when Ant’s trying to do a live read! He froze up for a moment when the very lovely Jandl showed a li’l somethin’ just as Ant began his commercial read. Ant says that he NEEDS Paltalk, because it’s his version of Instant Feedback.
Cleveland Douche
Maxwell AKA Benjamin Bornstein makes reference to O&A using his real name on the air. THEN he says that he “kicked their asses SO bad they had to be moved to a different time slot”. Oh really? You mean moving up to live morning drive instead of being on afternoon tape delay? He’s right. It sure sounds like things aren’t going well. What a jackass.
Fat Rat Benny Maxwell licks the tip while fat old women grin idiotically.
After this, Hackswell felt he needed to trash everyone on the show by talking about their facial expressions in a picture of them he saw on one of their websites. Very detailed descriptions, too: a few grunts and a “ohhh.” It really worked on the radio, you piece of chubby garbage.
Just look at this nauseating creature... Lube up that stick, Benjamin, and store it in your meat holster.
The guys plays the audio of Bornstein saying he wants to punch them in the face, and Op says not to worry... he’ll be heading out to Cleveland soon enough. Prepare yourself to get your ass kicked by a thin fella with strawberry blond hair, MAXWELL. Or something.
Enjoy your evening. We’ll eventually be back.
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Links, pics and edits by Joe C.
Posted: Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 25, 2008
It's Sick Voice Tuesdeee!!
6:00
How is Anthony doing in his big empty house?
He claims to be doing quite well... and that now he pretty much plays video games, eats, and sleeps. Keith the Cop was over with his wife yesterday, and noticed that things just aren't getting done around Chateau Cumia... so they did the dishes for Ant, and discussed finally buying furniture for the place so he's not always sitting in a computer chair.
"The Anthony Cumia Home For Girls In Need" Kindly ignore the screams.
Is Ant working on his home for wayward girls?
He says he might prefer the house filled with coke whores, because they'll do pretty much ANYTHING to satisfy their habit. To help weed out undesirables, Ant's going to have a scale installed outside his front door that will weigh each girl... and if they're too heavy the doorbell won't even ring.
Smart!
This Can't End Well
Over at "the other place" yesterday Opie and Jimmy were coming up with ideas for a new contest where a high school girl can win a prom date with the newly single Anthony. What lunatic O&A fan would be willing to give up their daughter to satisfy the terms of the contest as well as a radio millionaire's darkest needs?
Hopefully one of you degenerates. "All due respect."
Grrrrrrr... cough cough... grrrrrrr
Steve C. was out yesterday because he didn't want to spread his illness to everyone else. Right. Op's saying that today Steve's doing a fake "sick voice," which he swishily denies.
Jimcy thinks it was MUUUUUURRRRDERRRRRR! Well, naturally.
6:30 It's SICK VOICE TUESDEEEEEEEE!
Steve C. wasn't actually doing a sick voice... he's suffering from a common ailment that affects many NJ "Bears": Glory Hole Throat.
I'm sure it'll blow over soon!
Because he hates us, Opie plays that disgusting Hillary song
one
more
time.
Someone apparently did a new version of the clip. It sickens me.
Who Wrote THIS Plot?
Opie is loving the stupid reality show disguised as the presidential campaign. Why does Op want Obama to become president? Well, it will help the show by driving Ant crazy... but mainly it's because he wants a young, energetic guy in office, not just another old White guy in charge. I guess Op doesn't want to see McCain get in, and I can't really blame him. I heard that the old fella was at a wedding recently and his glassy geriatric eyes teared up angrily when he was out on the dance floor and that horrid song "Hands Up" came on. Poor Johnny.
It's getting even uglier...
The Drudge Report published a picture of Barack Obama in traditional Kenyan garb taken during a 2006 trip to Africa. Drudge claims to have gotten the pic from the Clinton campaign and "people are saying" it's a photo smear.
Ugh. Why does that look so natural on him?
ALL politicians pose in regional garb when they're traveling... including Hillary in this li'l gem.
Let's hope that hat is lined with liquid lead.
Anthony says that it doesn't matter that the papers are saying it's a smear campaign... people will see that Obama photo and A LOT of them will get very nervous. If that happens, then Clinton's people will have accomplished their aim.
Oh Brother! mrrff err meh!
Outside Philadelphia two brothers-in-law got into a fight over Hillary and Obama, and one stabbed the other. RUDE!
Who complained about this?
A couple of girls got kicked off a plane because they were too skimpily clad. Some awful news crew was doing the story, and the douche anchor decided to report the story in "Valley Girl" style. Of course, if it had been a WHITE guy doing a stereotypical "Black" voice he would be SO fired.
Oh, lawdy lawd!
Speaking of stupid voices... Op plays the "Pitted" surfer dude audio again.
Lay off the drugs, kid. No, really. Lay off the drugs.
7:00
Any girls want to go to their prom with Anthony?
All you have to do is put out. Call the FU line and leave a message if you're up for it.
The Bird Thing
Remember that horrid bird sound recording Than made when he was down in Mexico to attend a wedding?
This is the rotten creature that woke him up every morning.
Than wanted to grab that stupid bird head and twist away the noise.
Well, there's another version of that bird that's even louder:
The Horned Screamer How terrific.
I can't figure out if the thing sounds more like a seal with wings or Bob Kelly squeegeeing his buttocks.
Of course, nobody sent us the audio for the rundown. Why would they?
Hey Look! It's Ol' Half-A-Tongue's Ex!
Velerie Bertinelli was on Oprah yesterday and they were having a li'l chat. She asked Oprah if she's ever kissed another girl and she quickly blurted out, "NO!" before the question was even finished. Way to look relaxed when confronted with those persistent rumors of lesbianism, Oprah!
O&A Honor...
Once again, in honor of Black History Month, the Opie and Anthony Show is proud to honor yet another Black Hero. Today's honoree: Lou Gossett Jr. for his portrayal of Charles "Chappy" Sinclair in the 1986 film Iron Eagle.
Please tell me he didn't die!!!
On second thought, who cares?
7:30
The Oscars got really crappy ratings this year. Could it be because it's turned into a safe, politically correct borefest? Nah, it couldn't be that.
During the telecast there was a retrospective put together showing past hosts of the ceremonies over the years. For whatever reason, Whoopi Goldberg, who hosted FOUR times, was left out of the little tribute.
This is sort of like what happened to O&A when WNEW in NY did a retrospective on the station's history. Even though they were the highest rated show EVER they were totally omitted. I guess that shows how much they were appreciated. Nice, you asses.
You think YOU got the shaft? Poor dead Brad Renfro was left out of the ever popular Oscar "Death Montage" they try to get everyone to cry over each year. Op likes how some dead actors get a much better response than others. It certainly can give you a chuckle.
Have you seen my Twizzler Crown of Thorns?
Some idiot found a pretzel in a bag of Rold Gold that is said to look like the Virgin Mary cradling Baby Jesus. Ok then.
The item is up on eBay and people are bidding furiously. I'd like K-Rock to buy the item so Jimmy could pop a Cialis or two and break up the pretzel with a quick clubbing.
Steve C. has already volunteered to eat the crumbs. That guy is dedicated.
Book Perv
A level 3 sex offender was arrested trying to peep into a women's bathroom stall in a Border's Book Store. When apprehended he was found to be a carrying a ski mask, gloves and duct tape in his bag.
Why am I not surprised this guy wasn't there to actually buy a book?
The guys think that EVERYONE likes to take a quick peek to satisfy their voyeuristic tendencies. In fact, Op recounts a classic tale about a gym he used to go to that had mirrors angled in such a way that he could look right into the locker room where the women changed for their yoga class. NICE
Ladies! Hurry up and go shower...
...Opie's gotta be somewhere in a half hour!
8:00
A couple of guys call in about episodes of voyeurism they've had, including one guy who lived in a crappy frat house at college. There was a recycle bin outside that the guys discovered they could stand on to look in on naked sorority girls next door.
Then he ruins the story by discussing the rebuilding plans of the frat house, and mentions getting a variance from the planning board so they could stillzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Just tell us about the girls, NOT the structural changes to the building, YOU IDIOT!
Here's a cheerful one:
A woman died during an American Airlines flight after being denied oxygen by the flight crew. The tanks were then found to be empty and she begged the crew, "Don't let me die! Don't let me die!" Wow.
Her last words were, "I cannot breathe." My guess is she still can't.
American Airlines has offered to issue the woman a voucher for three canisters of the inert gas of her choice.
I'd choose helium. Enjoy your balloons, Corpsey.
That Darned Perv Switch!
A teacher is in trouble for sending sexually explicit instant messages to young male students. NAUGHTY!
This story prompts a visit from Dr Smith.
"Dear boy! Those pants look so restricting! It brings a tear to my eye!"
I hope the kid at least got an "A"... and maybe some "T" as well. Mrrff err meh!
8:30
Andre '3000' Benjamin is in studio talking about the new movie "Semi-Pro" that he's starring in with Will Ferrell. The film takes place in the '70s and is about a fake ABA team.
Is Semi-Pro going to be good? Andre says "YES." Ok terrific!
Norton, who admits to dressing like a soccer mom, asks Andre about his unique wardrobe. He tells Jimmy that he comes up with his own fashion ideas, and doesn't have someone choose his style. Andre's got his own clothing line coming out soon, and while Op thinks he looks good, he thinks it'd be WAY too much work.
Andre says he'd like to do a movie about Jimi Hendrix, but they can't get the rights to the music settled. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Holy crap, I'm even boring myself with this segment of the rundown. I'm not even going to attempt to make it amusing.
Suffer along with me, bitches.
Semi-Pro with Andre, Will Ferrell, and Woody Harrelson opens Friday... wide.
We'll be back for more fun and frolic tomorrow!
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Links, pics & edits by Joe C.
Posted: Monday, February 25, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Ugh... it's Monday.
6:00
Oscars were handed out to a bunch of people last night in a more boring than usual show. The main thing that I noticed was a tendancy zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz.
Hey Jon Stewart! Enough with the sarcastic political quips. Hillary was not in attendance so why keep bringing her up? Perhaps you could talk about a friggin' movie every so often while hosting a cinema awards ceremony.
How 'bout that concept, Scooter?
Opie himself had a doozy of a dream last night: He walked into his living room and found a full-fledged keg party going on… complete with destroyed property. It wasn’t until he woke up that he realized it was a dream… during the dream itself nothing alerted him to the fact that he MUST be dreaming even though the situation was bizarre.
That's how dreams are.
OK then.
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar
-No Country For Old Men got Best Picture. -Daniel Day Lewis got Best Actor.
Op says that in Google Trends one of the top searches was “Daniel Day Lewis Gay?”. Interesting. Wasn’t his movie called something like, “There Will Be Blood In My Stool?” No WONDER people are curious.
Yes, there were other Oscars handed out, but who gives a rat’s ass? Gary Busey made an idiot of of himself AGAIN. This time it was by annoying Ryan Seacrest ( who deserves much more than just being annoyed) while he was trying to interview the extremely vapid Jennifer Garner and the slightly less air-headed Laura Linney. It was nothing but people today are making a big deal about it.
Just stop it.
And next time you "annoy" Seacrest have it involve a baseball bat to the jaw and PopRocks stuffed in the nostrils.
Cinema Excremento
Jimmy went to see a Brazilian movie, “The Year My Parents Went On Vacation” with his girlfriend. It was subtitled and that really ticked our chinless buddy off. Opie says he hates subtitles, as well, and thinks that in the year 2008 we should’ve figured out some way to get rid of them. Anthony, on the other hand, says that some movies benefit from being subtitled because he enjoys hearing them in the original language: “Downfall”, for example. What a surprise!
Aside from the way it ended, Ant loved that film. Poor Blondi.
6:30
Opie is wondering how Anthony is doing. Ant was on Lazlow’s show on Saturday night over at “the other place”…and Patrice called in to say that Ant is a racist because he never sat in with him for his show.
This Just In...
Anthony confirms that he now lives alone in Chateau Cumia... with no girlfriend and no JackJack. Yes, Ant and Mellinda have broken up after having been together for a few years. It stinks when things like this happen... and everyone wishes both of them the best. Op didn't go as far as saying, "Good luck, Bro" so I guess he actually likes Ant. Or is it Gregg Hughes who likes Ant?
Our Op is a complex radio host.
Will Anthony be dating?
He says he’s going to lay low for awhile. Op brings up the fact that Ant likes a younger gal, as he does himself… and as does Jimmy. One time Opie had broken up with a girlfriend and his sister Holly set him up to go out with a woman… who turned out to be at least as old as him, and he says he couldn’t relate because he’s stuck in a 25 year old’s mindset.
Jimmy points out that they might as well stop kidding themselves: It's not that they still think like kids... it's just that they all prefer the feel of a young pair of breasts. What’s not to like?
So, now we know. Ant and his girl grew apart and this was the best thing for both of them. But what about li’l JackJack? Will he be spending weekends in Anthony’s Chancellery? We need more info!
To help Anthony feel better, Jimmy says that perhaps he can break up with HIS girlfriend so he and Ant can get involved in an “alternative relationship.” That sure would be something. Steve C. is all for that plan.
7:00
More relationship talk...
Jimmy says the relationship he’s in is in deep trouble, but he’s not yet ready to see her with another guy. He may even pay her for a couple of years after they break up to NOT go out with other guys. The whores he's been with have been with tons of guys, obviously... but if he’s not paying for sex he doesn’t want to think about the girl being with someone else. I suppose that makes some sort of sense. However, the stormier the relationship, the better the material we’ll probably get out of Jimmy. Stick with her for a while!
YOU Again?
Selfish douche Ralph “No Shot” Nader is once again jumping into the presidential race. All this will accomplish will be to take votes away from the Democratic candidates. What a nice fella. Thank God he’s not a self promoting attention whore. Wait. That’s exactly what he is. Go away, RALPH. Nice name.
What A Surprise!
Ant says that on the way in to work he was listening to the news. What did he hear? That Louis Farrakhan is backing Obama for president. Now Obama's got Farrakhan AND Al Sharpton behind him.
Next up: Fred “Rerun” Berry... who cares if he's dead?
7:30
Before the last break the guys were talking about jobs that John McCain couldn’t be hired to do because of his advanced age like Police work, commercial airline pilot… etc.
Op wanted a list of other jobs McCain can’t do… not because of his age, but because of his tiny turtle arms... and the fans came through with a few.
He cannot be... A Ring Card Girl during boxing matches. He can’t be an NFL referee. He couldn’t be the “Y” guy during the YMCA song. McCain won’t be able to throw out the first pitch at the Yankees opening day.
He can’t be a school crossing guard. He couldn’t be a Nazi (no ability to give that snappy salute).
In that case Ant can't vote for him.
STUPID BIRDS!
In Mexico there is a bird known as the Screamer. Op says that when he was down there he heard that stupid thing every morning and he wanted to friggin' kill it. On the same note, Than was just down there for a wedding and every morning he was woken up by a similar creature. He captured some audio. Wow. Those birds should all be pulped... or sent to Staten Island.
Than sure enjoyed his flight down there! At 6 foot 4 his Delta flight was a bit tight… especially the way they squeeze as many people into the plane as possible without any thought of passenger comfort. There was some equipment right under the seat, so poor Thanikins couldn’t put his feet under the chair. That must’ve been comfortable.
It turned out that the 1hr AeroMexico connecting flight Than took was the GOOD part of the journey. Nice work, Delta.
O&A Honor...
Once again, The Opie and Anthony Show is proud to celebrate yet another lesser known hero of Black history. Today’s honoree: Kamau Kambon, a former African Studies college instructor, the proprietor of a bookstore called "BlackNificent" and an advocate of the extermination of all Whites.
What a sweetheart! Congrats, you psychopath.
8:00
Jimmy tells us that during his snowy road trip up to Albany this past Friday he was angered and frustrated by Club Soda Kenny’s refusal to use his windshield wipers… because he doesn’t want to wear them out.
That’s terrific. That’s terrific.
Add Kenny's OCD and cheapness to Jimmy's chronic flatulence and you've got yourself quite the ride to hell. No thank you.
Blow Me Up a Blonde!
Since Anthony's relationship is over and done, Opie's thinking that Plastic Sex Dolls might be just what Ant needs to keep him happy. Funny you should say that... Ant reveals that over the past few days he's been cleaning stuff out of his house...and found a TRANNY blow up doll in one of his kitchen drawers. Who the hell finds a tranny sex doll in their kitchen drawer? Anthony Cumia, that's who. He cut the thing up into small pieces so nobody would know exactly what it was. Ant say's he's been shredding a lot of things lately, including photos and documents. Is the Simon Wiesenthal Center on his trail again? Time to go underground again. Oh great.
Well, the reason Op brought up Plastic Sex Dolls was because there is a Japanese fella who has spent about $170,000 US on them over the past decade. He now has close to 100 dolls. According to this Asian lunatic, he can't make love to a real woman, so he prefers the company of life size dolls with dead eyes.
Stop looking at me!
Maybe we should take up a collection and send him Sandy Kane. Since her embalming she's sorta like a doll. Except she still farts.
By the way: What the hell is wrong with the Japanese? You lose one World War and next thing you know you're buying schoolgirls' used panties from a vending machine.
I'm not quite sure how that fits together. Let me just say that I'm very glad the Japanese figured out sushi before Hiroshima happened and they lost their minds.
More Cumia Kids?
We found out last week that Anthony's lovely sister Dawn is going to have a baby in a couple of months...and this morning Ant revealed that Brother Joe's girl is expecting, as well. Ant,, on the other hand has NO INTEREST in having kids. He has a message for his siblings: Anthony does NOT eat with kids around! He finds them too disgusting and dirty.
Anthony's nightmare?
According to Ant, kids are always all "goopy."
Get away from me, you horrid creature! BACK! BACK!
Was it Anthony's crappy childhood experiences that make him not enjoy children himself? Who knows... but Opie says his radio partner is insane.
This just in: Brother Joe is having a kid to replace the current "Bono" in his U2 tribute band, "2U." You've gotta figure that by the time the young feller is three he'll be about as tall as the real Bono.
Smart plan!
8:30
Once again, Anthony does NOT want to have kids, and despite what Jimmy says, Ant will NOT become the father of a multi-racial baby.
Here's a thought: Op suggests that Ant turns Chateau Cumia into the Long Island version of the Playboy Mansion. Hot girls with daddy issues wanted!
If you look good in a women's Luftwaffe auxiliary uniform...
...send Ant a message on MySpace
ANOTHER reason Ant doesn't want kids is because they would put a terrible crimp in his FANCY lifestyle. He says that he wants to be able to go wherever he wants at a moment's notice and not have to worry about taking care of some brat and their unimportant needs. Charming.
JackJack's fate? Anthony! Save me!
Does Anthony miss his cat JackJack and his li'l white paws? He certainly does. That cat was Ant's pal and never hissed at him when he dressed him up in a little Brown shirt.
Now that's just depressing.
Speaking of having kids... Op says that if he hadn't been careful in an old relationship of his he could've already had a couple of kids and may not have had the successful career he has now. Remember: As a kid just out of college, you have plenty of time to start a family, Mr Hughes. Don't let it worry you.
ACHTUNG!
Just so you know... Anthony will NOT be "Cougar Hunting." Can we call you "Tony?"
Seeya.
----------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Links, Pics & edits by Joe C.
Posted: Friday, February 22, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
It's Frideeeeeeeeeeeeee!
6:00
What a snowy and crappy day in NYC this morning. Anthony has instructions for all other drivers today: Stay out of his way! He claims that he can easily do 50 mph while driving his Escalade in the snow and he doesn't want any sissy blocking his path.
What a mess.
We almost lost poor li'l Conglomerated Sam this morning! While driving into work in the left lane of a 3 lane highway, he skid and suddenly found himself facing the other way as a huge truck barreled down on him. Luckily our Twinklatto buddy was able to get his vehicle off the road and get his stalled car restarted.
Afterwards he got out and scraped the built up ice off his windshield using that matted Brillo pad he calls a head of hair.
"Why risk wearin' 'em out, GH?"
Hearkening back to yesterday's show over at "the other place," Opie says that on the way in today Club Soda Kenny hardly had his windshield wipers going... because he doesn't want to wear out the blades.
CSK is a cheapskate with OCD. Charming.
Opie awaits Kenny's arrival... "By duh way, GH... duh snow was MUCH worserer up my beanstalk!"
Talking about the snow once again, Ant is flipping out because even while driving through the tunnel into Manhatten people were pacing themselves as if they were still driving through snow.
Man, does that kid get steamed.
2 Creeps/ No Chin
OOOOooOOOoooOoOOoooOOoO! Jimmy is LUCKY! He gets to spend all day driving up to Albany with Kenny. I'm sure the conversation between those two will be one for the ages. They should record it in case someonezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Wait a minute... is Tom Chiusano back? NOPE!
6:30
It's Steve C's Birthday!
An email went out yesterday from Conglomerated Sam to inform people that HE would be in charge of organizing the festivities to celebrate the birthday of Opie and Anthony Show Production Bear Steve C. The "decorating" Sam has done seems to consist of nothing more than a Power Rangers "Happy Birthday" sign hung on the studio window, some crappy hats and noisemakers leftover from New Year's Eve, and a male blow-up doll. How thoughtful! Perhaps Steve can spend some time a
