Daily Opie and Anthony Show Updates Postings for May 2008
WHAT DID WE LEARN? FRIDAY, MAY 30TH, 2008
Posted: Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
It's FRIDEEEE!
6:00
Opie says "enough with Anthonlini!"
All we've heard on the show lately is stuff about the Anthony Cumia / Jill Nicolini love affair. Ant says it's tough being part of a "celebrity couple". The paparazzi won't leave them alone! Ant hasn't been scrutinized this closely since the Simon Wiesenthal Center tracked him down in Paraguay during the late 70s.
A website has even popped up, totally dedicated to following the actions of Long Island's Trashed Couple.
Fantastic then.
Goodbye, Funnyman! Yea, we shall miss ye. Wait. What?
Legendary comic actor Harvey Korman has died at 81. No, he wasn't already dead. He is best remembered as NY Governor David Paterson's right hand man in "Blazing Saddles", a movie that started out great, but ran out of steam about 3/4 of the way through... sort of like "Stripes".
Harvey and the Governor What a wonderful shot. Thanks, CigarsandScotch!
Speaking of "Stripes", actor Bill Murray is in the paper because of allegations his soon to be ex-wife has been making in court. She's been saying that Billy's been a naughty boy... a naughty boy, indeed. He's accused of boozing it up, running off on trips overseas to have multiple affairs, and once striking her in the face. I'm not sure if the allegations are true, especially not the physical abuse one...but if you've even spoken with my grandmother for more than 5 minutes you would certainly understand how a man could be driven to strike a woman.
I'm just sayin'.
This divorce chit-chat leads the boys to the subject of the McGreevey divorce, which is just filled with wonderful stuff. His almost ex-wife is PISSED, and wants to continue leading "the life she's become accustomed to". That's kind of funny, since her husband Jim, New Jersey's former out-of-the-closet governor, isn't himself leading that lifestyle anymore.
Sorry Toots! Maybe it stank and that's what drove ol' Jimbo towards some shaftage.
She's complaining that her estranged husband "ignored the family" while persuing his political career...but isn't that the career that allowed her to live the life of luxury she's "become accustomed to"? Obviously the woman is hurt by what went on, but howabout you walk off nobly and make a new life for yourself? I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would still be interested in her. Gentlemen such as David Gest, Clay Aiken, Lance Bass, or even the ghost of Robert Reed's colon.
Good luck, Ho!
So, if a woman's divorcing a rich guy and she expects to be allowed to continue living in a fancy manner... what if a woman's married to a guy who beats her? Once she's divorced should a judge appoint someone to keep blackening her eye when she gets a little lippy?
We'll have to ask everyone's favorite attorney, Joel Steinberg, about that one.
That Joel sure is a looker!
Oil 'im Up!
The guys play a clip of wrestler "The Ultimate Warrior", who now just calls himself "Warrior"... as if it makes any difference. He made a few statements about Hulk Hogan and his 17 year old son Nick's jailhouse tapes.
All I can say is, that Warrior sure is a smooth talker. I'm sure the Hulkster thanks you for the advice on oiling up his son's buttocks!
Ok terrific!
The name of Phil Mushnick is brought up...
I can never remember if "Mushnick" is the name of a New York Post sports media columnist, or the name of the residue left behind by a particularly fizzy yeast infection.
Is it this...
...or this? Mushnick Mouthed
6:30
A very busy weekend is coming up for Opie and Anthony. Saturday they are in NJ for K-Rock's "Return Of The Rock Show", and on Sunday they are up in Boston for WBCN's "River Rave". On Monday the boys will be doing the show live from BCN's studio.
Maybe we'll be lucky and some of the local freaks will come in to amuse us.
Bleccchs And The City
Jimmy mentioned some of his "alternate storylines" to Sex And The City last night in his stand up act, and the crowd loved them. It seems most people want those sassy gals to end up dead in the film. Anyway, the movie opens today on 3,300 screens, and not a single man could be found in the theater. Well, maybe one, and he seems like someone Steve C might meet during a bathroom break on the Garden State Parkway.
Sickening. What guy is going to see that movie? Only "gentlemen of mutual affection" and whipped idiots. One reporter from Jill Nicolini's own CW11 news says her husband is going to be dragged along to see that vomitfest whether he likes it or not. He can use that fact as a legitimate defence in his upcoming trial for murdering his wife.
Anthony says he was once dragged by his ex-wife to see an equally awful movie: "The Love Letter".
"Comedy that pushes the envelope"? DIE.
THAT'S what Anthony's complaining about? What's one film compared to the hundreds of hours he was forced to spend in his mother in law's basement with his drunken wife watching taped episodes of soap operas? Ant should've made three rights and left right then and there.
7:00
Some guy calls in relating to Anthony's being forced into watching things he didn't want to. Opie says there needs to be an understanding between the sexes: Guys and girls think differently and don't usually enjoy the same things. That's unless we're talking about Anthony, Jill, and their love for anything with an alcohol content, including beer, wine, mouthwash, and vanilla extract.
Lydia the yenta calls in to talk with advice for Anthony and Jill. This woman's voice could curdle water, and nearly all men who are forced to listen to her nasal droning experience turtling of the junk as well as lowered sperm counts.
Anthony admits to doing an interview with Jill for her CW11 "notwork". Want to read it? Click here. It's a hoot.
7:40
Nick DiPaolo is in studio
He'll be at Caroline's in NYC tonight only for 2 shows. Check out his website NickDip.com. Partially to annoy Nick, Opie plays the clip of the CW11 reporter saying her husband HAS to go see Sex And The City with her over the weekend. Kill her. Nick is not happy with that or the idea of the movie itself, and seems to be a bit displeased with the world in general.
Gelman! Get me some wipes!
Geriatric chat show host Regis Philbin has been caught on cam farting during his show.
It certainly SOUNDS like a blast of the old flatch... but watch Regis' glass and how it's half on the papers he moves. The sound comes just as he pulls the papers and the glass rubs on the desk top. I'd really prefer it to just be a fart, because a fart is always funny. Especially on live TV or during a wake.
Who can forget Tim Russert's fart of delight a couple of weeks ago? He gets so gastrically flustered he screws up everything he was saying. Wonderful.
The Opie and Anthony Show presents... NEWS OF THE BIZARRE
Ahhhh-ooooooooo-gah!
Clay Aiken is having a baby with the 50 year old woman he lives with. She's his friend and producer and for some reason they decided to have a kid through artificial insemination. I cannot confirm reports that this took place when Clay's boyfriend spat some Aiken custard into the old gal's clump.
Clay's receptacle Jaymes Foster
8:00
Jimmy is plugging "Stand Up For A Cure", June 2nd at the WAMU Theater. It's a huge benefit for lung cancer research, and it features Jerry Seinfeld, Colin Quinn, and lots of others, including a musical performance by The Bacon Brothers.
Opie says that Kevin Bacon must be THRILLED to have to constantly do the whole musician thing so his brother has a gig. I bet he is.
Opie and Jimmy recall their brief encounter with pitcher Randy Johnson. It didn't go well. Jimmy wanted a pitcher from the big goon, but the stuck up douche wanted no part of it and wouldn't give our snuggly li'l fella the time o' day.
Let's hope a crane falls on him.
Miffed Muffs
Two lesbians were almost thrown out of a Seattle Mariners game after they kissed and upset an uptight woman sitting with her son. Everyone hopes the snitching woman's son ends up coming home someday with tadpoles on his breath and the need to sit on an inflatable donut.
That'll show her
This leads to the audio of Suzyn Waldman gushingly welcoming Roger Clemens back to the NY Yankees being mocked. Of all the dramatic garbage I've ever heard. Calm down, you psychopath.
The boys try to kill a little time with some news. Terrell Owens is supposed to be in studio to promote his involvement with the Alzheimers Association, but he showed up at the wrong address. Ironic, no?
NEWS!
• A 6.2 magnitude earthquake has struck Iceland. 30 people have been left homeless.
I bet the Chinese are snickering at this story. Now we can sit back and wait for Sharon Stone to make some sort of moronic statement about Iceland's Karma kicking in negatively after the country thrust Björk on the rest of the world.
The guys do their best to get some enthusiasm out of the guy, and Jimmy repeatedly tries to get him to say bad things about Philly and the fans there who booed Terrell after he returned there playing for another team. He doesn't bite or go along with the bit. This guy sure is a laugh riot.
We do find out that T.O. didn't watch this year's Super Bowl... but instead went to the movies. He just wasn't interested. That's ok, I guess. Terrell talked some more and my brain lost its focus. Does the sound of his voice actually CAUSE Alzheimers? I don't know. Sorry.
New York Tragedies: Crane collapse on 91st street... show collapse on West 57th. Thanks, Terrell.
That's it for this week, kids. Remember, to vote for the comics you'd like to see on the Opie and Anthony Traveling Virus Tour this summer, go to VirusVote.com and make your selections.
Posted: Thursday, May 29, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Happy Thursdee, Fools! Everyone here today? Ok, lets start...
6:00
Blame Opie!
He was the one who had the food poisoning yesterday. At first, he thought his severe headache and sickly feeling was being caused by his being "backed up" due to his gargoyle being greedy. He went into the bathroom to try to purge some of the toxins, but shortly afterwards became very ill and nearly passed out. He decided late that night that perhaps going to work the next morning wasn't the best idea in the world.
Since the guys rarely take a sick day (Jimmy's never taken one), Opie likes the idea of one of them taking off every so often and letting the other two do the show without them. If they do it right, each of them will only have to show up 3 days per week... yet there would still be 5 new shows on air with the 2 remaining guys. Interesting.
Trying to feel better, Opie went to his acupuncturist yesterday and fell asleep during the session. When he woke up he had so many needles in him he looked like Pinhead from the Hellraiser movies.
Feelin' any better, fella?
Anthony wants no part of acupuncture, especially when Opie tells him there's a "hot spot" in the taint area where they stick you, but Op didn't have that done... possibly because he didn't want the accupuncturist to take a peek and figure out our hero's true age. Lingerrrrrrr Longgggooooon!
Stick it in here!
The guys discuss the mysteries of acupuncture...
How can a needle stuck in your heel make your headache go away? How should I know? However, there are many people who swear by the treatment.
Opie seems happy with the results, and Jimmy says it's worked for him. Unfortunately, a few poorly placed pins caused our li'l pal's chin to wither away into the weak, jellied sub-mass we see today. Still in all, Jimmy feels peachy.
Literally.
Oh, those Chinese and their mysterious knowledge!
Op says that because so many people died in the recent earthquakes over there the government is going to possibly lift the "one child" rule for people who live in the areas affected. Someone calls up to clarify: if a family has lost their child in the earthquake they may file for an application for permission to try to give birth to a replacement.
How nice of them.
Coach Mike wants an acupuncturist to come in tomorrow to poke some of the staff with needles. Will Anthony do it? Not on your life. Ever since his experience with Tree Fort Richard, Anthony has been afraid of even the tiniest pricks.
Don't worry, Ant. Jill will protect you.
6:40
O&A are heading to NJ on Saturday for K-Rock's Return of the Rock show(featuring Stone Temple Pilots, Filter and Ashes Divide), then up to Boston for the River Rave on Sunday. On Monday the boys will be doing the show live from WBCN in Boston. NICE!
oOOoOoooOoooooOoOooOooOoOOo!
The crack staff at oandaradio has secured an actual photo of Long Island Power Trash Couple "Antholini" conoodling over buckets of wine at FH Riley's(400 New York Avenue in the heart of Huntington Village).
Two bottles deep so far, and Ant's head is getting all shiny
Sex And The City
Opie imagines only women and gay guys will have any interest in seeing this awful movie. In NYC the other night there was a big premiere for the film at Radio City Music Hall, but things turned uglier than Sarah Jessica Parker when it was discovered that the event was overbooked by thousands of tickets. Hundreds of clumps ended up getting stuck out in the rain, all dressed like their heroine hags from S.A.T.C.
Oh well. Get back up to Canada and start making those pine cone wreaths that everyone's so crazy about. Christmas is coming up sooner than you know.
Anthony has a solution to the problem of the lack of men going to see this movie: At the end, have the girls die in very graphic and horrific ways. Brilliant.
Sarah Jessica Parker looks great in this shot. I loved her in "Mask"
Op thinks that perhaps a serial killer twist could make the movie at least slightly more appealing to men. I think he's right. Who wouldn't love to see those creatures die?
Jimmy has a few alternate ideas for Sex And The City, that he thinks may help to bring in more male into the audience:
#1: Have all 4 girls become police officers, and at the end they will all be indicted for beating a man of color with their batons. Festive!
#2: The movie opens with the girls as astronauts, and just three minutes into it the shuttle they are on explodes, killing them in a fiery scream filled inferno. The last 1 1/2 hours of the film would be spent investigating, in the most technical terms, what went wrong with that damned "O" Ring. Intriguing!
#3: This scenario has Carrie left at the altar by Mr Big because 20 minutes before he was arrested on the business end of a gloryhole. How Steve C-esque!
#4: Jimmy also imagines them selling Ukelele's in southern Iraq, then getting executed by a sheik under a fig tree. If only!
A couple of callers buzz in to offer their suggestions. I made a few on paltalk, but I forget what they were. The one I remember involved all 4 girls going back in time and being forced to become housekeepers for the ever-charming Amon Goeth from Schindler's List. It's just a thought.
"I pardon you... but not you, Horse Face"
SPIN CLASS UPDATE!
Last August we chuckled after learning that Stuart Sugarman was attacked during a "spin" class because he was constantly grunting and shouting out things like "you go, girl!", and "nice burn!" as he peddled furiously and gapingly. Another guy, who had obviously had enough of the spinning pansy's ejaculations, picked up Sugarman and threw him and his bike up against a wall. Fantastic.
Well, since then ol' Sugarman has undergone surgery and hasn't be able to get back to his exercise routine. Of course he's suing.
Stuart Sugarmess
-----------------------------
In the interest of public safety, Opie gives out a bunch of Sex And The City spoilers. Who would go see that? Just sickening.
Steve C pops in to offer some other spoilers, and is soon asked whether or not he enjoyed the new Indiana Jones movie. He sounds less than thrilled by it, mainly because, from what we hear, it's a Twink-Free movie. Poor Steve.
-----------------------------
7:30
Ol' "Plenty Of Room For Advertising" Head
Bill Burr joins the guys in studio. He'll be at Caroline's in NYC tonight (Thursday), then again on Saturday and Sunday. On Friday he has to fly out to LA for something, but he'll be back for Saturday's show. Wow.
Bill talks about doing the HBO special Jimmy is hosting, "Down And Dirty with Jim Norton", and brings up Sean Rouse, who is a very funny comic. Rouse is both arthritic and an alcoholic.
Here's Sean
A great comedic combo, if you ask me.
Opie fills Bill in on the whole Anthony/Jill romance. He wants an update, but all Ant gives us is a recap of past events.
Never one to just let something lie, Op pops on the 1999 country crossover hit "Amazed" by Lonestar. Is that Ant and Jill's song? It seems that it just might be.
Ant may be "amazed"...
...but his fans are "nauseated" by this tune.
Ok, Ant... Why don't you just climb under there. You'll be there awhile, so try to make yourself comfortable.
Everyone in the studio DESTROYS Anthony. Badly. They didn't just throw him under the bus, the ran him over several times and parked the friggin' thing right on his chest.
Herr von Cumia looks stunned.
Wonderful stuff.
8:15
Otto (half of Otto & George) is in studio
No swearing, Puppet Boy!
He's going to be at the Comedy Shoppe at EightFifteen in Haskell, NJ this Friday at 8PM. Go check him out. He is hilarious, even if George does most of the thinking.
How 'bout that airplane food? I gotta tell ya...
Bill tells us all about the First Class flight HBO put him on to bring him in to do Norton's special. He was feeling all fancy... until breakfast was served and he was given a choice between cereal and an omelette. He chose the omelette... but they ran out before they got to him. He was not happy. You know how red heads can flip out.
The flight attendant returned a few minutes later with the omelette the pilot decided he didn't want. Yuck.
Sorry. We didn't realize your name was "Five Star Billy Burr". Here's your omelette, whiner. Nobody's bitten it. Enjoy.
Otto is none to happy that there is no longer a green room for guests to hang out in. It's been given up to the creeps at CBS FM (who just moved into the building) so they can have a little room for their Dion CDs and filthy autographed Bowser t-shirts. How nice for them.
Hey Bowser... where ya been?
Attention! Attention!
Ant's new girl Jill Nicolini is on the phone, and says that maybe she and Anthony have danced around his living room singing "Amazed" to each other. She'll be hanging out with Anthony later today, but we're not sure if it's going to be at Chateau Cumia or at Rum Bottoms (VERY local for Long Islanders).
Jill admits she's glad that Mick Foley got her and Ant together, and both she and Anthony say that they are "smitten" with each other.
Who saw that coming a few weeks ago? Thanks, Mick!
Oh! And supposedly there is an official site for the couple, using one of the many spellings of the Antholini name.
8:45
ESPN radio host Mark Madden has been FIRED for making a somewhat over the top comment about Ted Kennedy. Madden said he had hoped Teddy would've lived long enough to be assassinated. Perhaps that wasn't the right choice of words, but maybe the guy was just expressing an old dream of his.
Who am I to judge?
Nick Hogan Jail Tapes!
A recording of Nick Hogan (Hulk Hogan's son) talking from jail with his parents on the phone has surfaced. We get to hear the audio, in which he's crying to Mommy and Daddy saying that he just wants to go outside and breathe the air.
He seems to not care at all that his reckless driving resulted in his friend being critically injured and forever screwed up.
Nick's "friend" John Graziano as he appears today...
Look on the bright side... at family parties they can put a bowl of chips into his useless hands and fill up that cranial divot with onion dip. This way he can help out and feel useful.
Nick says that this whole thing happened to his friend because the guy was so negative. Did he take PR lessons from that idiot Sharon Stone?
Nick's mom says SHE'S the one who is suffering... not the family of the guy whose skull was destroyed. What a caring woman!
In other parts of the tapes, Nick asks his parents if they can arrange some sort of reality show when he's released, just so he can make as much money as possible. Yikes.
To vote for which comedians you'd like to see on this summer's Opie and Anthony Traveling Virus Tour, go to VirusVote.com and pick your three favorites.
Posted: Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
It's Whip 'Em Out Wednesday!
Unfortunately, for Opie it's also Food Poisoning Day, so he's home sick and there was no live show today.
However, in the spirit of public service, I have once again assembled some videos that either amuse or annoy me by raiding some of my favorite video sites. ThatswhatIdonow.
And who gives a rat's ass? That's how most of those sites get them, anyway. Why do you think the clips eventually end up having been posted on each site? Holy crap. I just read what I typed. What a bloated and defensive douche I am. Enjoy.
• Two Guys/One Punch Now this is a curious one. A great single punch is landed knocking one of the kids out. Fine, right? Not a bloody or messy fight in any way. The odd thing is the little screaming bitch that freaks out when his friend is knocked out. When and if people fight, someone might get hurt... so why do some of these idiot teens flip out?
I wish the video ended with that kid pummeling that loud mouthed runt until he was a bloody pulp. I'm just sayin'.
I could swear I saw a puff of lead when the thing came apart.
• Growing Up Groggy This prank doesn't go quite the way these two Guidos thought it would. Is it still ok to use the term "stupid Italians"?
Oh, the joys of life in Howard Beach.
• Tubby Takes A Tumble I guess it does hurt when you smash your head on the corner of a step... but do you have to lie there and cry? Toughen up, Land Whale!
Breaking News: I just got a report that she was crying because she had a pack of Ring Dings in her hoodie pocket and it got all smooshed.
Why do I think that the outcome of this fight would really make Anthony smile?
• Chinese Technology Wow. The Chinese sure are miles ahead of Volvo when it comes to safe vehicles. I've never seen a truck that has two-thirds of the body as the crumple zone.
Errrr... no thanks... I'll just ride here in the back.
I love the guy standing there watching everything so calmly.
• Two Skanks
Watch this clip. It's about 2 teenaged whores who stole a 9 year old's girl scout cookie money. Granted, that has a lot of potential for being a chucklefest, but the attitude of these two makes me hope they are soon involved in an unfortunate incident involving drunk driving and a telephone pole.
I think both of them could use some quality time with Uncle Paul.
• Georgia On My Mind, Police On My Chest This guy had an s-load of cops all over him, but he wouldn't stop resisting... so they tazed him till he was dead. Wait. What?
Notice that nobody tried any CPR or anything. You'd imagine they'd at least give it a shot. By the way... stop resisting.
• Crappy Russian Fountain Listen to these ex-Soviets giggle at the sight of a ruptured water main... that's no doubt destroying some of those pre-fab apartments across the way.
• Gymspastics Nice flip, kid. Why don't you climb up on the wall and leap onto the roof of that other thing?
And how does that make you feel?
• Well, Maybe the Wii DOES Have a Purpose... A little hiney shaking for ya.
I bet his girlfriend will be VERY happy when she finds this clip online.
UPDATE: She found the clip online. It's been removed (ok maybe not but it will be). Check out this idiot instead. And I take back that comment about the Wii having a purpose.
• Not a Dry Ice in the House... Shoot me for that title. Anyway, some guys make a 3 liter dry ice bomb and blow up a cinder block. Very straightforward.
I kinda like when stuff goes BOOM.
• Firecracker + Face = Burnt Moron How was this a good idea?
Next time do us all a favor and use something bigger...
Posted: Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
It's Tuesday, damn it!
The show is back LIVE today, after the holiday weekend. When the guys left the studio on Thursday after Gallagher's appearance it was a disaster. Smashing a birthday cake and a bottle of ketchup will do that.
6:00
The studio still hasn't been fully cleaned, even though a steam cleaner was brought in to clean the rug over the weekend. And YES, there is footage of one of the cake smashes... starring Very Tall Than.
This is gonna take a lot of wet-naps to clean up.
Weekend Shenanigans
Opie went way upstate into Western NY over the weekend and even got to visit with his radio mentor Brother Wease.
While up there, he and his lovely fiancée went to get some Thai food at Mamasan's a place he's been going to for 20 years and they were so happy to see him there, the restaurant wouldn't take his money. FANCY.
Anthony's weekend?
He spent it out east on Long Island, and was at FH Riley's(400 New York Avenue in the heart of Huntington Village) on Friday... drinking wine and eating Brett's wonderful spinach dip... with his new "Celebrity Girlfriend" Jill Nicolini. Ant had called Riley's beforehand to make sure they had good enough wine for him. They made sure they did. After several hours of very public groping and wine consumption, Ant and Jill went on a LI pub crawl... and at some point a woman recognized Jill and gave her ample breasts a nice squeeze.
Is that allowed?
What else did Ant do over the weekend?
He sat in the Walt Whitman Mall in Huntington while Jill had her nails done... preparing for the christening they were going to. Yes. Ant went to a christening for a member of Jill's family. Not only that, but the parents got along. That's right. Jill's parents hung out with Ant's mom and Sal at a party.
Wow. Things sure are moving fast.
6:30
Jimmy did his second night of tapings for the upcoming HBO specials he's hosting. Everything went really well... except for Jimmy's introduction of Robert Iler from The Sopranos, who was in the audience.
It's a shame that he pronounced the guy's last name "Ilier"...then had to go out and reintroduce him. How nice for Jim.
Oh Hillary!
The Cankle Monster's comment mentioning Robert Kennedy's assassination hasn't caused quite as much damage to her campaign as some people thought it might. Opie speculates it's because most people don't care about anything she has to say.
Ack! Ack! Ack!
The audio of her statement is played, and it doesn't sound like she was hoping Obama would be assassinated, she was just making a comment saying that some campaigns in the past weren't decided until June. Sirhan Sirhan sure picked a rude way of taking RFK out of the running.
Don't worry, Bobby...
...Teddy's on his way!
Liz Trotta, a Fox News commentator, certainly made it sound like SHE would like to see Obama assassinated...
Perhaps you'd like to rephrase that, Toots?
PAY ATTENTION!
The "Jill TV" monitor is being blocked so Anthony can't spend each of Jill's on-screen appearances ogling his new girlfriend, although the reason given to him is that it's covered up "out of respect" so others can't look upon her lovliness. Fortunately, if he can't see her, Ant can still give his moustache a nice lick and relive blissful moments from the weekend.
Blah, Blah, Blah
Former sex symbol Sharon Stone made an idiotic statement about the earthquakes in China being Karma catching up with them for their mistreatment of Tibet.
Oh really? Shut up and show us your clump, you stupid bitch.
We're hearing rumors that Ant has been giving Jill advice on how her "notwork", the CW11, should more properly do news teases. It doesn't sound like Opie's too happy about his partner giving out state secrets.
Did Anthony actually make Jill a mix-tape?
Who cares? We already have a promo that says that he did, and that's all that really matters. Opie recalls that when he first started going with his girl he gave her an iPod filled with songs. That's certainly better than a crappy cassette tape...but how many Nirvana outtakes can you expect one girl to listen to?
In other news, poor Keith The Cop is feeling VERY dejected because of the budding romance between his pal Anthony and Jill Nicolini. We've gotten unconfirmed reports that Keith has been spending hours locked in his basement at home, staring into the glow of a kerosene heater for hours on end.
That doesn't sound good.
Cheer up, Keith. Opie will eventually need a nanny for his kids and you'll again have a purpose in life.
The "MANNY" Files? Yecccccchhhh
TROY'S MIX TAPE!
What a total embarrassment this is. It was some kid who, upon his 6th month anniversary, made what might possibly be one of the most ill-advised recordings ever conceived. The kid is only slightly less gushy over his girlfriend Melissa than Anthony is over his little Jillsy-Willsy.
Anthony reveals that this past weekend he was cruising around LI with Jill singing along with songs by local artists, such as Eddie Money, Pat Benetar, and Billy Joel.
"...six bottles of red... 9 bottles of white... it all depends upon Jill's appetite."
7:30
Ant has figured out how to get around the "Jill Guard" on the TV in the studio: He texted her and told her to stand on the other side of the traffic map so he can see her. She actually went along with him. Adorable.
The boys are going to The River Rave in Boston this coming weekend to see Stone Temple Pilots... and will do the show up at WBCN on Monday. Nice.
TROY SINGS!
Back to "Troy's Mix Tape". It's excruciating. I want Troy to end up in a tool shed with Mr Mac. HAVE A LISTEN. According to internet lore, Troy's girlfriend Melissa broke up with him just days after he made this testament to his love for her. Ha and Ha.
In Pain McCain
Over the weekend the NY Daily News published a picture of presidential candidate John McCain that was labled with all the medical ailments that we know of. Opie reads off the list, much to everyone's horror.
The Opie and Anthony Animation Contest is set for Thursday, June 5th at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC. Make sure you have your animations in by June 1st! There are THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS in cash prizes to be awarded.
Vote for the comics you want to appear on this summer's Opie and Anthony Traveling Virus Tour. Go to VirusVote.com and pick your three favorites.
This guy CAN'T feel good about this one...
Hey Bat-Boy!
Minor League baseball player John Odom was traded from his Canadian team to a US based team for TEN MAPLE BATS worth about $70 each. It seems that Odom had been arrested on a minor charge during his youth and couldn't get into Canada to play... so the team simply trades him for equipment. Fantastic then.
Inside the Mindless of a Criminal...
This morning we learned that O&A production dynamo Erock had some outstanding parking tickets and was nearly arrested the other day when he went to pay them. He was able to go to an ATM and get the cash to pay up, and when he got back the woman who had been helping him told him she should not have let him go because there was a warrent out for his arrest for failure to pay his tickets.
Erock was made to swear on a stack of pancakes that he'd never do anything like that again.
Afterwards, Erik was heard to mutter "the batter of Christ" before digging into his free breakfast. That's just wrong.
Although the O&A Show was off on Friday for the anniversary of Opie's 30th birthday, Rush & Malloy printed another little blurb about Ant and Jill's love affair in their NY Daily News column.
A Fond Farewell
Opie regrets to inform the rest of the guys in the studio that "Jill TV" will no longer been shown while the show is on the air. This is to help Anthony concentrate on his job instead of dreaming about places he can try to fit his tongue.
&#%#!!&$@+?#!!
Asshat Illinois writer Jim O'Connor thinks NYers use too much salty language when they're riding the subway, and he offers what he thinks are "helpful suggestions" of words that can be used as substitutes instead of certain curses.
He offers up these gems: Instead of saying "S***", you can say "Shoot". Instead of dropping the F-bomb, you use "Bungled", as in, "Mrs O'Connor really got herself Bungled hard by that garbage man this morning."
Saying the word "A-hole" will be a thing of the past in Mr O'Connor's world. He wants us to say "Gargoyle" instead. Right. Also, he suggests using the word "Balderdash" for a variety of uses.
The only person I've EVER heard use the word "balderdash" was Felix Unger in an episode of The Odd Couple.
I simply cannot see people taking this guy's advice... at least not in New York. Good luck, "Shoot Duck".
Here's a Cute One!
A stupid father and his dumb daughter were stuck in a flight simulator ride at a "Fun Zone" out on Long Island. The father complained because his daughter had a very smelly gargoyle for some reason that day, and he wanted out. They had to be released by firefighters. Wow.
This is a very slow news day.
8:40
"Heya Hon! Did anyone ever tell you that you have a very bunglable gargoyle? And I'd sure love to check out your clump if you have a few minutes".
Non-cursing author Jim O'Connor is on the phone to discuss his book, "Cuss Control". He doesn't get very far before Steve From Yellowstone "calls in" and throws him off track. Even Uncle Paul gets in on the act. Wonderful.
Mr O'Connor isn't exactly thrilled by his experience chatting with the boys, and Anthony thinks that once he hung up his phone he yelled out some ACTUAL curses, and not those innocent replacements.
STAY AWAKE!
Some silly blonde was auditioning for American Gladiator when she passed out on camera.
How great is that?
That's it for today. Go away.
But first! Add me as a friend on MySpace. For every person who adds me, another curse word will be replaced by something even MORE offensive. Get to work, people.
The boy's have off but there's still an internet out there and Steve from Bay Shore can't stop looking at it. Check out some of the things his dragging knuckles managed to type out yesterday...
(ed. note:Yeah I didn't post it on time because I had off too. Deal with it. J.)
Enter Bay Shore...
It's Mundeee and it's Memorial Day! The Opie and Anthony Show is off until tomorrow... in the meantime watch some of the crap I put up on here. Enjoy your li'l holiday!
• Deaf, Dumb, Blind, and Bruised... An actress playing the burdensome Helen "Mmnnggllgg" Keller takes a Kelsey Grammeresque tumble from the stage.
Whatever you do, don't laugh... because that would just be wrong.
• Serge, you naughty boy... Pre-Crack Whore Whitney Houston gets a bit of unwanted attention from a drunken French song-douche back in 1986.
Even this guy wouldn't take a dip in the ol' Houston cess-lap these days.
• Rock Kisser Watch this tool shimmy up a hill, then suddenly decide he's going to take a leap. Maybe he should've rolled that big rock at the bottom out of his way before jumping.
Where's Al (you know who I mean) to protest this one?
• If it involves cars, people will come and see... First off... WHY would you be interested in going to an event like this? Secondly... WHY couldn't he have parked the car in the middle of that guy's chest?
We could've loffed and loffed.
• If you've wondered what ever happened to Earth, Wind and Fire... Here ya go!
They perform their new comedy act daily in Times Square. How nice for them. How lucky for us!
• Nervous, with good reason... Who thought it was a good idea to have the German Army Music Corps march through Krakow, Poland last year? It was part of a military music festival... but still. I love the old woman pointing nervously as they march by her. Still, those Krauts can sure put together a toe-tapper.
Little known fact: The Germans tried to send their music corps to Paris earlier this year for another military music event...but were embarrassed when the French kept trying to surrender to them. I guess old habits die hard.
• The evils of Cell Phones... NEVER microwave your phone... it may release the demons held inside. I'm just sayin'.
Yes, yes... we get it. It's fake. Still... it looks pretty damn cool.
• Wanna see some sound waves? Watch how the salt on this plate shifts around as the pitch becomes higher. The sound of this clip annoyed my cats.
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Fan of the Era... If you're into old photos or just seeing the way people lived in the early 1900s... including plenty of child labor... check out Shorpy. It's an archive of hundreds of old photographs, including some amazing color photos from the 1940s. One night I spent about 4 hours looking at pix on there and reading the stories behind them. I apparently lead a very empty life.
Here's one to remind Anthony of his youth. Hubba Hubba!
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O&A will be back Tuesday for more shenanigans, monkeyshines, and general idiocy. Join us, won't ya?
Remember! For every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another former "friend of the show" will return to the fold... and as a result Flea Man will get screamed at by Jim Norton.
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Other stuff, Joe
6:00 • Marge from Little Shelter • Airports • Dice/Opie's Apartment
7:00 • Colin Quinn/Stalker Patty
• Colin Quinn/Ed Norton • Dice finds God
8:00 • Pete Fornatale • Global Warming • Black Earl • Wake Up Your Spouse
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Hello everybuddeeeh!
It's Friday, the start of Memorial Day Weekend... but more importantly, it's the birthday of our own Gregg "Opie" Hughes! In honor of this fanciest of occasions, the O&A Show has taken the day off and will return after the holiday on Tuesday.
In the meantime, here's some crap I've scraped from under the rim of the toilet that is the internet. Enjoy.
• Maybe this job isn't for you, Toots. This girl wants to be a part of American Gladiator but gets a bit overwhelmed by the pressures of having to smile and talk at the same time.
Did someone put a sleeper-hold on her brain?
• And BOOM goes the puddin' head!
Check out this jackass of a teen lighting a small explosive that his friends remind him repeatedly will blow up as soon as it's lit. Does he listen? Of course not.
How do ya like that, Stupid?
• No, no no! You're supposed to jump OVER it! Our own Roland couldn't have done much worse than this poor leaper.
We'll finish the race ourselves. You just lie there awhile. mmmmmm-k?
Well, this is just creepy sounding
• Sandy Kane's air force invades Russian press conference...
• The silliest of geese... For whatever reason, this goose is on the attack, and isn't a big fan of this guy or his dog (who really could've done a better job at defending itself).
How did that guy not just twist its awful goose neck?
Didn't I tell you to keep your chin out of the way?
• The Indian version of "Thriller" Ok, you've probably seen this before, but it's here just in case you haven't. Watch this abomination.
"Killer! (killer killer!) Killer (killer killer!)" Nothing screams "quality" like shouting your own echoes instead of making it happen electronically.
• While we're giggling at other cultures... Here's "Turkish Rambo". Next up, maybe I'll post some earthquake footage. Mrrff err meh!
This is the sort of thing Master Po would be doing if XM didn't hire him to do security.
• O&A need this guy as an intern Perhaps he did too many things at one time: Icy hot on the junk, extreme hot sauce extract in the mouth, kicked in the groin, pepper spray in the eyes, shot by 3 paintball guns, and then tazed.
Oh, what are you crying for, you big sissy?
Have a great weekend, you miserable bastards. Remember, for every person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another idiotic teen will be smashed in the head, mouth, or junk and have the video show up online where he can be mocked the world over.
Seeya! ---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Posted: Thursday, May 22, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
It's Thursday and Anthony is back!
6:00
It's a festive day in the studio...
The whole place is decorated for Opie's 30th birthday. Wait. What?
Chef Steve of Basil T's is in studio, making breakfast for everyone. Lovely, right? Sort of. Opie wanted to celebrate privately by taking tomorrow off and spending some time with his girl and his family. Apparently Steve C. didn't get the memo.
OooOooOooooOOooOOOO!
Jimmy's HBO tapings last night went really well, and our li'l feller is very happy. Norton is now a fancy host for a fancy network. Good for him. The kid deserves it.
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Taking a cue from Chemical Ali, the station is giving out FREE GAS this morning. Opie's hoping for a few fist fights to break out so the news can capture it and give the boys some press. The giveaways are happening at the Lukoil stations in Rutherford, NJ and Wantagh, NY - where the first 50 people who show up at each place between 7:00 and 9:00 AM will get up to $80 worth of gasoline, FREE. NICE!
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Antolinijillumia
The big date between Anthony and Jill Nicolini lasted roughly 36 hours, and included him taking her out to exit 68 on the LIE so she could get her cats fixed. What the hell is that on Ant's head? He had to borrow a hat this morning...and it has a "J" on it. Wow. He's actually wearing one of Jill Nicolini's hats.
No, not that one.
Why doesn't he have his own hat with him? It seems that Herr von Cumia may not have been home last night. Opie and Jimmy mock him a little for the hat. Hardly surprising.
Birthday boy Opie thinks something is going on here with Anthony, and that he should embrace it because it may be his last chance at survival. Maybe the gambling and gun buying will stop now. Then again, maybe not. We know for sure the drinking and partying ain't gonna stop any time soon.
The plot thickens: Anthony and Jill stopped at her family home so he could meet her parents. He even went with them to pick up her brother's new car. Historical Fact: The last time so many Anthonys were together in one place the St Valentine's Day Massacre occurred.
That's terrific. That's terrific.
Opie wants to know if Ant brought "The Prize": A pair of Jill's Panties. He claims that he didn't, but perhaps someone should check to see if he's wearing them, given his history.
Let's not forget the victim in this relationship: Keith The Cop. How many times do you think he's played "Don't You Forget About Me" and "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" on his iPod the past 2 days while weeping quietly to himself? It's just so sad.
6:35
Opie isn't very happy there's birthday stuff going on for him this morning. Jimmy is amazed that nobody on the show can handle any sort of loving attention, but stomp on a cake or do a baby diaper moustache and they're all enthused.
Keith is on the phone from the Lukoil station in Wantagh on Long Island. News 12 is there, and there's even a copter taking a look at what's going on.
I hope Keith can resist his natural urge to taser everyone who shows up. Notice that there is no mention at all about WHO is giving the gas away? Screw News 12.
With the big holiday weekend coming up, will Anthony and Jill show up at FH Riley's at all? Ant says that maybe they will. Op's brother Brett could use the extra business so he can get those wonderful French doors installed in the front. Show up and spend! 400 New York Avenue in the heart of Huntington Village.
Over at the CW11, where Jill is the traffic girl, even they're getting into the act, reporting in their blog about the Jillcuminazi date that lasted for nearly 2 days, and the fact that they both took off from work yesterday morning.
During the course of conversation, we find out that the two lovebirds were cruising around LI listening to REO Speedwagon and Eddie Money.
Are these the songs?
Yeccccchhhh.
Callers naturally call in to beat up Anthony. As they should. He tells us on Paltalk that we're mean. That's probably true... but look who trained us.
Continuing the date talk, Ant tells us that when they took Jill's two cats to the vet to be fixed he almost passed out while watching the procedures. I bet that called for a drink or seven.
Unfortunately, for Opie it's also Food Poisoning Day, so he's home sick and there was no live show today. 
