Daily Opie and Anthony Show Updates Postings for March 2008
WHAT DID WE LEARN? MONDAY, MARCH 31, 2008
Posted: Monday, March 31, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
It's Mundeeee, damn it!
6:00
What did Anthony do over the weekend?
Well, it seems he went to ANOTHER lesbian "friendly" bar and saw an awful lesbian group playing terrible lesbian songs for lesbians to listen to with their lesbian ears while sipping lesbian drinks.
What's up with that Tony guy?
Ant reveals that he got pulled over for speeding. He was caught doing 80 in a 40 MPH zone. Once again, he was out of town, but wouldn't reveal where he was over the weekend. Wherever he was he said the officer who pulled him over was nice enough to just give him a warning for speeding.
Opie tries to piece together the facts to see if he can determine what city Anthony was in. According to Herr Cumia, he had no PBA card for the area he was in, so we know he was out of NY and NJ. 14 miles is the distance Ant drove while he was away, so that means he flew there and rented a car. SPECULATE!
I Hear NOTHING
Anthony will not reveal what city he was in, but tells us he'd never been there before and that it's a town famous for an infamous murder. Could it be Dallas? Modesto? Mastic? Holcomb, Kansas?
Dolts Away
Erock and Congolmerated Sam call in from Florida. They went down there to catch WrestleMania, which took place yesterday. One of the evening's highlights was Floyd Mayweather taking on "The Big Show" in a seemingly mismatched bout. Opie is pissed that his two staffers missed work today and this past Friday for a Sunday wrestling event... mostly because the entire show had just come back from a 1 1/2 week vacation. Op wants to know who at K-Rock thought this trip was a good idea and says that from now on he's not taking any meetings with ANYONE who is less intelligent than him. Wait. What?
Was it worth taking the trip? Sam thinks he's got 10-15 minutes worth of audio from a trip that kept him and his fellow half-wit out of work for two days. The two travelers spent their time at parties, with Sam avoiding any food that wasn't a fish stick, and Erock drinking Steak and Potato Martinis.
Isn't that a nice name for "Dumpster Juice"?
Erock's bartender mixes him another "Martini".
Disgusting. Either way, the clowns will be back in NY later today. Oh joy.
6:30
Achtung! Achtung!
Exciting news for fans of The Opie and Anthony Show:
FINALLY, some concrete information! The O&A Animation Contest Event will be held Thursday, June 5th at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC. Tickets will be $10 and go on sale through TicketMaster this Friday. A very limited amount of tickets will be available, so get yours soon!
If YOU want to enter the contest, please put your O&A Show related animation IN HIGH QUALITY on a disc and MAIL IT to:
Opie and Anthony Animation Contest 111 West 57th Street Suite 500 NY, New York 10019
Remember: Your submission must be FULL QUALITY so it can be shown on the huge screen at the event. Also, DO NOT post your video ANYWHERE beforehand because that will lessen the impact of its premiere at Roseland. You don't want to get disqualified, do you??!! Thousands of dollars in CASH PRIZES will be awarded!!!
Musings Of A Psychopath
Our pal Li'l Jimmy had himself a doozy of a dream last night, and afterwards he woke up feeling sad and crying. Poor fella!
In the dream he saw two guys from "The Wire" who were happy to meet comedian Jim Norton... but lost interest in him when he became his usual photo hunting fanboy self. After that, the dream degraded into superhero appearances and Jimmy relieving himself on his ex-girlfriend's shoes. Then he called his mom a "C" over some tranny porn he had in the VCR, and a much younger version of his father came after him with a claw hammer.
Cut it out, Mister Norton!
Jimmy's skull is very sensitive to blows from a hammer!
I think Freud would say that Jimmy's obviously suffering from "Jawbone Envy".
But wait! That's not all! There was also a hose with two holes in it that sprayed all over his celebrity photos, ruining them.
Uhhhh.....
The boys talk about vivid dreams they've had, including those wonderful teenage dreams that require a spot of cleaning up upon awakening.
Anyone have a damp sponge? Anyone??
Cruel and Amusing
On Friday, over at "The Other Place", the guys did a phone interview with geriatric actor Leslie Nielsen.
Hey you kids! Get off my lawn!
Opie plays a little clip to tease the segment. The aged Mr. Nielsen sounds more than a bit confused, and Ant says out loud to everyone who was in studio at the time that perhaps they should play "Drunk or Stroke".
Was it just me, or could anybody else hear the bloodclots forming in Leslie's brain?
7:00
Nirvana lost to Pearl Jam in K-Rock's MARCH BRACKET BRAWL promotion. The guys review how the groups in the Final Last Four got there, and when all is said and done, Opie wants all listeners to vote for TOOL. Do it. Mr. Hughes doesn't want Led Zeppelin winning another of these events.
Speaking of March Madness (were we speaking about that?), up at WBCN in Boston, Toucher and Rich are having an Unfunniest Comic Contest, and Gawker.com is giving them credit for their bit, then go on to also mention The Opie and Anthony Show. How nice.
Jimmy, however, doesn't think it's fair for the contest to name Dane Cook or Jay Leno as "unfunny", and sounds a bit pissed. He goes off on another person named in the "contest"... Margaret Cho, who he thinks is a rotten comedian and a puddle of hack.
Wait a minute...
Weren't the guys supposed to play that Leslie Nielsen audio? Yes they were! Opie puts the show on LOCKDOWN, which means they HAVE to talk about it right after the break. Isn't that what it means?
Leslie's new film is called "Superhero Movie".
What role does Nielsen play in it?
"Stupor Man" or "Diapered Stroke Victim Guy"?
7:30
Opie says he didn't even want to DO the Leslie Nielsen inteview, but Jimmy said that they had to, since the guy is pretty much a legend. The end result was well worth it. Cringe and cringe again.
Slipping out of the "Lockdown", the guys talk about their old "Has-been Corner" bit they did way back when, including the classic clip where they made Cindy Williams cry. That was simply wonderful.
Opie wants to start our own March Madness tomorrow, since it'll be April 1st. Thatswhatwedonow.
What can the O&A contest involve? Perhaps the "Hottest Fatty"? Meh. What about "Best Celebrity With Cancer"? Now THAT sounds like it could work.
HEY! Whatever happened to that LOCKDOWN??
FINALLY, more of the Leslie Nielsen audio gets played. It's a hoot.
Fun Fact For Today: Nielsen's brain contains a minimum of 37% post-stroke grey matter. Good for him!
He needs Mr. Smithers to tell him they're cheering "Boo-ush! Boo-ush!"
A bit more of the Nielsen audio is played, and damn. It's painful.
oooOOoOOooooOOOOOooOoOOo!!! Spuds Buckley audio!
It's that wonderful "Fudgy Wudgy Bars" clip that all the kids are so crazy about. Ouch.
Did Spuds REALLY put these in the microwave? Oh, he was SUCH a card!
Opie wants someone to resurrect the "Spuds" role... either someone from the show or a listener through an audio submission. Get working!
Once again, Op says that he even did a couple of songs as Spuds, but he's got to find the tape. One of the tunes was a Super Bowl song in praise of the Buffalo Bills. It goes "It's Super Bowl Sundeeeee" in the Spuds voice. Oh dear.
Upon discovering the content of the song, Ant breaks out in goosebumps, then as a result, Jimmy breaks out in laughter. Who knew Anthony could look like even MORE like a plucked chicken? It boggles the mind.
8:45
Opie wants a new contest...
The show will get a sponsor that removes tattoos, and the boys will determine which listener tattoo is the worst and most deserving of free removal. I like it. There have to be some gems out there. For the record: Although he's covered in awful ink, including a horrid "Sopranos" tattoo, East Side Dave should NOT be eligible for this contest... unless the guy doing the removal promises it will be excruciatingly painful.
A tattoo like this one should be removed with an ax.
Memories!
Tomorrow is the TENTH ANNIVERSARY of the Opie and Anthony April Fool's gag where they said on air that Boston's mush-mouthed mayor Menino had been killed in a car accident. As you probably recall, the lads were fired. To commemorate the event, I suggest that the guys give ol' Puddin' Tongue a call to re-apologize, and to invite the mayor to a free meal at FH Riley's, 400 New York Avenue, in the heart of Huntington Village, the next time the jackass is in NY. Or maybe not.
Go Away, BITCH
"People are saying" that be-cankled fibber Hillary "Duck and Run" Clinton should drop out of the race. The DEMOCRATIC race, not the WHITE race. Although the latter may be a good idea as well. Obama says Hillary should STAY in the race for now. Interesting.
O&A bring up the subject of Hillary's lies about her trip to Bosnia back in 1996. She is obviously a liar, who seems to believe her own made up tales. Perhaps that more than qualifies her to become president.
Was she actually running from sniper fire?
It certainly doesn't look that way!
WARNING WARNING!
Could cell phones be more dangerous than cigarettes? It depends on whether or not you inhale the microwaves. Wait. What?
According to a UK study, using a cell phone handset for 10 years can double the risk of brain cancer, except in the case of Rich Vos, where the worst that would occur would be a slight warming of his cranial custard.
Op reads some stats: 440,000 people in this country alone die as the result of cigarette smoking EVERY YEAR. He wonders why the politicians don't go after the tobacco companies instead of wasting their time going after violent video games.
For a kid just out of college, he makes a good point. The guys discuss whether cigarettes will ever be made illegal and then the show is over. Bye.
We'll be back tomorrow for more nonsense.
Don't forget!
Add me as a friend on MySpace. For every new friend that's added I've been promised by GOD HIMSELF that a new dessert will be created that will delight and amaze everyone, including those idiots who don't care for sweets.
------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Edits by Joe
Posted: Friday, March 28, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
It's Frideeeeeeeeee! Is it the job of the Opie and Anthony Show to make everyone laugh? Perhaps more than that, gentlemen.
6:00
Rich Vos is sputtering in studio this morning in place of Jimmy Norton, and he's a bit miffed that he was referred to as "the crackhead" by Rampage Jackson the other day during that large man's appearance.
Deal with it, stupid.
With a bit of prompting, Vos tells a little about his days as a drug user, and the way he cooked down cocaine into base using ammonia so he could smoke it. This led to a well deserved situation where he and one of his friends bought some "product " together but while Rich's friend was passed out Vos smoked it all and said he sold it to someone "on credit".
From lousy drug dealer to lousy comedian... you've come a long way, dummy.
Rich is no longer a drug user. He's been clean for 22 years... and moronic for 50. Good for him!
Anthony wants to know if an addict has to stay completely clean, or could an alcoholic, for example, who has quit drinking have an occassional beer or two? Matters are discussed and nothing is clarified. Thanks Rich!
Drink Up!
SHUT UP, VOS!
Opie brings up the Comedy Central pilot the guys shot earlier this week. In one segment, Vos and Keith Robinson were put into a boxing ring together to do a funny bit... but Rich pissed off Keith by throwing a karate kick he insists didn't land... after which Keith got Vos up against the ropes and proceeded to beat the spittle out of him.
Robinson kicked Vos' tattooed, Hebrew ass.
Rich keeps giving away details that Opie wants to remain secret for now, so Vos tries to explain himself and ends up revealing a couple of more things Op wanted to be kept under wraps. Vos has as much control keeping in a secret as he does keeping saliva in his mouth.
On Paltalk I noticed that the filter on the mic Vos was using this morning had been replaced with a large sponge to try to soak up a few of the inane sssstatementssssppppttss made by Ol' Tidal Gums.
Next time just have Vos slobber into one of these.
6:30
Nick DiPaolo is now in studio, so perhaps now we'll have a bit of comedic coherence. Well, at least we'll have some bitterness. I'm happy to settle for that every once in awhile.
Rich Vos is appearing at Bananas in Poughkeepsie (spelled "Poquipsie" by Vos) tonight and tomorrow. Vos encourages anyone attending the show to bring whatever jokes their 1st through 5th graders care to jot down for his act.
No Java Logs Involved
Opie reveals that during his "time off" a few years ago he went down with Rich to Florida to play some golf at Doral, and decided to stay three nights in the same hotel room as Vos... who would wake up in the middle of the night to smoke. I know smoking in bed sounds dangerous, but jackass Vos always assumed his giant asbestos teeth would protect him from any type of fire.
Don't worry! I had them fire rated!
When down at a hotel pool, Op and Vos spotted a mother and daughter duo... the elder of which, about 60 years old, looked something like Johnny or Edgar Winter if they had taken a peek into The Ark.
Vos, who is out of his league no matter WHO he's with, went to make out with the alcoholic, albino, hippy mother... who turned out to be the GRANDMOTHER. Why wouldn't he?
Opie has a suspicion that Vos wants to date him, and Rich chuckles nervously at that statement. It seems that one time Vos showed up on a golf course with a homemade lunch, including a Juice Box, for Opie. Ever the good sport, Op flung his portion of the lunch into the garbage.
"Feelin' hungry, sttthhhweetie?"
Op recalls the time Vos didn't bother yelling out "FORE!" before his drive, and Vos' wedge shot hit him right in the hand. The painful shot brought blood right to the surface, and years later he still has a lump on his hand.
Thanks, Rich!
Medical Mess
Vos had to go for a medical procedure yesterday and had a camera the thickness of a pencil inserted into his urethra to check things out. Rich has a baseball sized cyst on one of his kidneys, but doctors believe it's probably just a misplaced and overactive salivary gland.
Rich and Opie also tell us that during the time down at Doral, Rich had to go to a strip mall dentist to get a tooth pulled. What a trip!
7:00
Nick DiPaolo is a very funny fella, and Opie talks about Nick having been on the station back when it was called "FreeFM". Op thinks he should be back on the air, but as of now he's doing an online show from his basement. To check it out go to www.nickdip.com.
Cam up and you can be his co-host! I'm not kidding.
Larry Sinclair!
What a great twist this would be if it were true.
The guys review the now famous clip in which Sinclair claims that in 1999 he and Barack Obama did drugs together before Larry performed an oral act on the future senator. A comedic discussion ensues, and Vos is left confused. Shocking.
Obama's not quite a big enough change for Rich, who would much more gladly vote for "Omar" from The Wire. How does THAT strike ya, America?
7:30
Muddy Times
Somehow the guys get into a discussion about the line-up at Woodstock, starting with the third-rate acts: Country Joe McDonald, Ravi Shankar, John Sebastian, Sweetwater, Incredible String Band, Tim Hardin, etc. Those are the crappy bands everyone had to sit through, IN MUD, to get to the good acts. The first two days were mostly garbage, and on the 3rd day the headliners hit the stage.
Here's a list of the bands, the days they appeared, and the songs played. Click here! Checking out the list, Op also finds some bands that cancelled their appearances, along with their excuses. Interesting.
Kids! Don't Try This At Home!
Is Ultimate Fighting inspiring kids to kick the crap out of each other? Let's hope so! The news is up in arms about this "issue". The guys talk about how great it is to go onto YouTube and watch clips of li'l bastards kicking each other's asses.
Not enough blood.
8:00
How 'bout that Crazy March Madness?! It's ZANY! Errrrr...
Anthony noticed a huge chart in the studio for K-Rock's March Bracket Brawl Contest. Mirth is made at the expense of K-Rock's contest, which could not be named any closer to the NCAA tournament without getting the station sued.
Mike Birbiglia is now in studio for today's action packed show. He's at Caroline's tonight through Sunday, doing a different show each night. The first 100 people to Sunday's show will get a free copy of his DVD.
Out of nowhere the guys bring up some audio they played yesterday over at "the other place" in which a British reporter pronounces "sushi" as "susshie".
Nice voice, Limey!
Back to Nipple Ring Girl...
She felt HUMILIATED! Her disgusting yenta of a lawyer, Gloria Allred, claims it was a violation of the woman's civil rights.
According to the woman, she was willing to show her piercings to the TSA agent after the metal detector went off, but he said he wasn't allowed to look. She was able to remove one of them, but then had trouble with the other one and needed to use a pair of pliers to remove it.
OK TERRIFIC!
Attorney/Pushy Bitch Gloria Allred A face made to be sprayed with RAID.
8:40
Nick noticed Anthony chatting away on PalTalk, and Ant explains the fun he has on there. Vos is appalled (and appalling) when he learns that Anthony also uses PalTalk at home, letting fans see into his lovely house, Chateau Cumia.
That Naughty Bigfoot!
Some guy up on child molestation charges claims that he himself was victimized as a child... by BIGFOOT. This was said to have occurred up in New Hampshire. Oh really? The prosecutor's office was trying to throw doubt onto his sanity in order to get a more lenient sentence, which ended up being 20 years. I guess his defense strategy didn't work out too well for him.
SLOW NEWS DAY ITEMS
When an albino camel named Seymour was born he was too weak to walk or even eat, and his mother was too worn out to nurse him. Thanks to some llama pplasma and the care of several university students, he's now doing much better.
Yes, that's an actual news story.
Here's a story that may involve the legendary "Mighty Horse". Caught on camera! Vandalism on the front of buildings! It's the news reporting that grafitti happens. Thanks for telling us.
Just the word the Who...
Oh, this one'll tug on your heartstrings... Peak Bluebonnet season is coming. What? Oh! There's video??! If there is I certainly couldn't find any. Lucky you.
Ok that's it. Have a good weekend. Remember, for everyone who adds me as a friend on MySpace another uppity woman will be tased by the police. Do your part.
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore
Posted: Thursday, March 27, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It's Thursday! Good morning to all the Kickables AKA "Little People"!
6:00
Sorry McMidget
Some "little person" went into a McDonalds after receiving an incorrect drive-thru order. When the cashier saw him stubbily walk in she freaked out and started screaming, much to the miserable midget's chagrin. The woman claimed that she has a fear of tiny freaks, much the same way some people are afraid of snakes or spiders. The little fella was upset because the woman wouldn't calm down even after he offered her his pot of gold.
Toodaly Doodaly!
Cumia's Confession Corner?
NOPE! Anthony still won't own up to what he did over vacation, although I suspect his trip may have included at least two trips across an international border to greet an Aryan maiden.
Who's this Larry Sinclair that all the YouTubers are goin' so crazy over?
He's a guy who made a video in which he alleges a few things about spending time with Barack Obama back in 1999. He claims that Obama met him for drinks, bought some "powder cocaine" for Larry, and crack cocaine for himself. Lippy Larry also alleges that he performed a little helmet massage on Obama using his tonsils.
VERY strange. It seems that this guy believes what he's saying.
That sure is something.
Liar Whore! Liar Whore! And YOU KNOW IT!
Hillary "Fibbermuff" Clinton is a liar, according to the boys. She is constantly having little lies of hers exposed, including one where she claimed she was named after Sir Edmund Hillary... who climbed Mt Everest in 1953... SIX YEARS AFTER CLINTON WAS BORN. She also claimed that daughter Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade Center on September 11 when the planes hit. Chelsea later said she watched the impacts on TV from two miles away.
O&A list a bunch of lies she's been caught in... all little lies that add up to low credibility.
The Cankled Bitch also lied about her 1996 trip to Bosnia, where she claimed she was under fire when she landed and that instead of having a nice welcoming ceremony on the runway she had to dart for cover with her head down. CBS news released video they shot on that very trip which shows that there was NO sniper fire, and that she did, in fact, have a welcoming ceremony held in her honor.
Hillarot has a very annoying habit of laughing as she's telling exaggerated tales of her actions.
Just to be a bastard, Opie plays that Hillary song we all know and loathe.
Thanks, pal.
6:30
Giving Till It Spurts
Anthony claims he's a charitable guy, but keeps it quiet. Opie recalls the time Ant read the story about the young puddin' headed girl whose custom wheelchair carrying van was stolen. Ant wrote her a nice check. I guess when you have all that money from looted art it's easy to spend spend spend.
Luckily "the buttinskis" didn't get all of it back!
Reverend Ass
Jimmy says Obama's minister is a goose who made many idiotic claims... including that AIDS was created by The White Man to kill of "People Of Color". The reverend should take a long look at Black Earl, whose incompetence caused WNEW's legendary DJ Scott Muni to develop terminal cancer.
Oh Lawdy Lawd!!
Squirtin' At The Target
A guy was caught on video in a Target store having himself a furious tug on a woman and making a mess of her clothing. RUDE! She's now afraid to go shopping alone. I think Ol' Custard Pants should shut her mouth and get over it.
Can't she just bring a squeegee next time?
Someone calls in saying this is a common occurrence in Japan as is something called "Sharking", which seems to be guys running up behind unsuspecting women and pulling off their tops or skirts. Over there they seem to view it as a joke and they put the clips online. The guys watch a couple of these Japanese videos and are baffled by the bizarre things those people are into.
7:00
Jim Norton is heading out West right after today's show. Tomorrow night he's doing an 8PM show at the Moore Theater in Seattle Washington.
On Saturday our li'l pal will be appearing in Portland Oregon at the Newmark Theater. Please go check him out. Jimmy needs the money for that jawbone enhancement surgery he's been saving up for.
Dead McMuffin
Send over 200 of these... QUICKLY!! Blob Kelly's got a hankerin'.
Herb Peterson, the inventor of the Egg McMuffin is dead at 89. I hardly care, because I'm much more concerned with not having had any work for the past two weeks. Isn't anyone in Nassau or Suffolk getting carpentry work done this Spring?? Jeeze.
You're Old Now... GET OUT!
Robin Williams is divorcing his kids' former nanny after 19 years of marriage. The guys suggest it could be because she finally realized that none of his "jokes" actually ARE jokes, nor are they funny in any way. I think she just passed what Robin considers her "last sale date" and isn't smelling quite as fresh as she used to. I'm just sayin'.
One of his problems is frostbite. He seems to have gotten it while walking to work in his socks because he couldn't afford custom made shoes to fit his 17 inch feet.
We find out that the guy works as a veterinarian, but we can't confirm rumors that he specializes in Giraffe Dentistry.
Op, Ant, and Jimmy get on the subject of those stupid long necked animals, and we find out the reason they have those odd antennae-looking nubs on their heads is so their fedoras don't fall off. I never knew that.
Hey! That's not a fedora!
7:30
Vince McMahon was on Larry King last night to promote Wrestlemania XXIV, which airs Sunday night at 7 on Pay-Per-View. Larry had a whole batch of pointless questions for Vince, including "Whose idea was it to do 'Wrestlemania'?" What an ass.
There aren't a lot of actual Larry clips from this interview, but that doesn't stop everyone, including people on Paltalk, from making up their own and driving this bit into the ground.
"Vince, how important is the ass buffing?"
"It's not really a ring, is it Vince? It's square."
"Vince, has it ever occurred to you to give Stone Cold Steve Austin a blanket?"
"Vince, what about Betty Grable as a WWE diva? Hubba Hubba!"
"Is The Undertaker really a trained mortician?"
"Vince, is it still real to you, dammit?"
"What made Rick Rude?"
"Vince, are the Road Warriors really from the future?"
"Vince... Chris Benoit... best choke hold ever? Comment?"
"Vince, was Captain Lou Albano really a sailor?"
"...And who is this Hornswaggle?
"Hulkamania... is it treatable?"
You get the idea. It goes on and on. NICE.
8:00
Nick DiPaolo is in studio, and he says he loved hearing the Larry King bit on the way in.
BREAKING NEWS!
Someone calls in to say that Erock played MUSICAL CHAIRS on the ice at a New Jersey Devils game recently. He was announced as "Erock, From the Opie and Anthony Show" and received a smattering of applause. He was told that since CBS was sponsoring the prize he wasn't allowed to win, and he got himself knocked out in the first round. POOR EROCK!
Deal With It, Horsey
Chelsea was making an appearance at a college on behalf of her mother's campaign and was asked by a student if her mother's credibility was hurt when she stood by while her husband Bill got involved in the Monica Lewinsky scandal. She got really pissy and said that this was the first time she was asked this question and thought it was none of the student's business. Despite what she thought, it was a legitimate question.
You put yourself out there, Toots. Deal with it.
Oy Vey, Eliot!
Disgraced gubernatorial douche Eliot Spitzer has been linked with yet another prostitution ring. I bet he's glad he destroyed so many peoples' careers with his holier-than-thou witch hunting. He deserves to rot with his stupid black socks on.
There is something tranny-like and creepy about this one.
Satellite Of Death
Ronald Long couldn't drill two holes in his wall to attach his satellite TV system, so he took his .22 caliber handgun and shot two holes through the wall. His wife, Patsy, was out in the yard at the time and was hit in the chest by the second shot. She died. Authorities are not sure if he'll be charged.
At least now nobody will nag him about watching that Ultimate Sports Package he ordered from his satellite provider. Enjoy, sir!
8:40
Opie says Nick DiPaolo is very bitter. To help cheer him up please go to www.nickdip.com. He'll be at Caroline's tonight at 8PM. For tickets and information call 212-757-4100.
Deadly Breasts
An 18 year old cheerleader from Boca Raton, Florida died from complications during breast surgery. It seems she had an adverse reaction to the anesthesia given to her during surgery. Also, those formaldehyde filled implants were not a good idea. Yesterday, following a Roman Catholic funeral service, the young woman was implanted in the ground at a local cemetery.
Seeya, Toughguy
Actor Richard Widmark is dead at 93. Jimmy loved the guy for the sociopathic characters he played in his films, and cites a scene from "Kiss Of Death" as one of his favorites.
Giggle! Giggle! What a creep.
"Ya lyin' ol' hag!"
Boxer Floyd Mayweather, who has been expected for 50 minutes, finally arrives in studio.
He's promoting his bout against "The Big Show" in Sunday's WWE Pay-Per-View "Wrestlemania XXIV". Nobody's sure if the 9 huge guys he has with him are his posse, his family, or his co-defendants. One thing is for sure though... none of them own a watch.
The guys talk with him a bit about his career, including his February "attack" on The Big Show during a WWE event.
Staged or not, that big guy's nose was bleeding.
We'll be back for more fun and frolic tomorrow. Have fun! Remember, for every new friend I get on MySpace another angel gets its strap-on. Wait. What?
Seeya!
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Edited by Joe
The guys would've been back this past Monday, but they were busy taping a pilot for Comedy Central. FANCY! Opie says that Keith Robinson, who was part of it, beat up Rich "Slobber Puss" Vos as part of a bit. In the middle of it Vos decided to break out his karate moves, and Keith got pissed. Vos got his ass kicked.
Way to go, Hong Kong Jewwy.
You can bet that THIS cartoon would never be made today.
Also involved in the shoot was Big A, who had his eyebrows shaved off and according to all reports looks creepier than ever.
The reports have been confirmed.
Both Opie and Anthony say that Big A's breath was so awful the entire room they were in stunk.
This gets everyone recommending oral hygeine tips for Andrew, but it's hard to have fresh breath with so much rotting whore meat stuck in your molars. I'm just sayin'.
East Side Dave was there, as well, and really went the extra mile. When DOESN'T Dave go the extra mile?
Shiftless Conglomerated Sam, who normally doesn't like being part of humiliating bits, stepped up and kissed a gay homeless fella on the mouth... after the guy admitted he had spent the morning honing his craft at 2 different glory holes.
Wow.
Sam also kissed Blob Kelly twice, and was only repulsed by the situation because Fatso had smoker's breath. I guess the aroma of smoked ham really lingers. It's been known for a couple of years that Bobby has a soft spot for young Sam in his heart, and a hard spot for him in his pants. Pow! Zing!
Conglomerated Sam and his biggest admirer: Tubbert Kelly.
Everyone is glad that Sam is finally showing his true colors (wait. what?), but not everyone is convinced of the cherubic twink's homosexuality. Of course, the fact that when Bob said "Pucker Up" to Sam, the kid held his butt cheeks in the air while displaying a longing expression on his rosy-cheeked face doesn't help his argument.
Single Man Cumia
How was Anthony's vacation? He can't really say. Opie says that Ant's being way too "mysterious" about what he was up to. All he'll admit to is having a lot of electronic equipment installed at his house. Hmmmm....
Funny... that doesn't look like Chateau Cumia at all.
Opie's not afraid to say what HE did on vacation: He went to the Carribean and relaxed on a beach.
Jimmy didn't go away. For him it was chinless business as usual, which I assume means he did a few gigs and argued with his girlfriend.
Won't Anthony tell us what HE did over his vacation? Nope! He still won't admit to any of his shenanigans. I don't know what he's so worried about. I don't think it's illegal to have 18 year old girls dress up as Hitler Youths. Not even up in Canada.
>>clears throat nervously<<
6:30
Don't forget the Opie and Anthony First Annual ANIMATION FESTIVAL!
It's going to be held on Thursday, June 5th in New York City. Tickets will go on sale April 1st... and by that time we hope to have the venue sorted out. Don't worry! It's happening!
Since the guys have had a few minutes of commercials to unwind, will Anthony NOW tell us what he was up to over vacation? Not on your life.
A LOT of stuff went on while the show was off:
The NY Post printed a bunch of nasty stuff about ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, including the fact that he leaves his "stockings" on during sex. They didn't use the word "socks" just to make it sound worse. SO unusual for the Post.
The NEW governor, David Paterson, is Black and blind. He's been admitting EVERYTHING he's ever done in order to pre-empt any coming up later. He's admitted that both he and his wife have had affairs during their marriage, but went to counseling. He's also said that he's tried pot and cocaine. Good for him.
You may kiss the bride. Uhhh... David? Turn the other way. That's a potted fern you're a-smoochin'.
"People are saying" that an affair Paterson had occurred as recently as during Hillary Clinton's campaign. That's pretty recent.
Advisors are telling him to stop owning up to everything and start being the governor, but he can't see why. In fact, he can't see ANYTHING. Ba dum bump!
Speaking of not seeing anything...
People are calling up with "Anthony Sightings" from over vacation. One of them sounds pretty legit, but Ant still won't admit to anything. He learned that at Nuremberg.
Unlucky Lottery or Sucks To Be You?
A Michigan woman on vacation in Florida was out on a fishing boat with her family when a huge Spotted Eagle Ray jumped out of the water and struck her in the head, killing her instantly. OUCH!
Death Ray? mrrff err meh! Eccchhhhh.
These grotesque sea monsters are about 5 to 6 feet across, and the one that hit her weighed around 75lbs. With the speed the boat was moving at when she was struck the unfortunate woman was doomed. Ant says she got "75 lbs of meat slammed in her face". Is that a clue as to what our large lapped buddy was up to over his vacation? Speculate!
7:00
While touring around the country with Club Soda Kenny, our buddy Li'l Jimmy Norton spotted Bruce "Jersey! Wahh Wahh Wahh!" Springsteen in the passenger seat of an SUV... then saw him get out at a hotel. What did Jimmy and Kenny do? They stalked him into an elevator and tried to play it cool... but Bruce saw the camera and knew what they were up to. He was nice enough to agree to a photo with Jimmy.
Finally, Bruce said, "Hey, this is my floor" and got off. Chinless and GoonBoy were so smooth they had neglected to even hit a button for a floor, which would have at least made it almost appear they were staying at the hotel. Way to go, guys.
It looks like ol' Bruce should retire and leave Jersey for Miami.
In another of Norton's Brushes With Fame, our li'l pal was about to hop into a cab, when Bruce Willis popped out. "HEY!", Jimmy shouted at Bruce, who treated him with exactly the right amount of disdain by completely ignoring him... just as he deserved. That's the whole story. Thanks for that gem, kiddo.
Kiner's Koffin
Opie talks about Mets broadcaster Ralph Kiner, who really needs to retire. The guys say it's hard to tell if Kiner is just old or drunk... or both.
Audio is played and we all loff and loff.
Why does someone always have to rain on our parade? A caller informs us that Kiner suffers from Bell's Palsy. OOPS! Ol' Corned Beef Tongue has seen better days.
The discussion continues about baseball announcers of old, and how they'd talk and ramble on about all sorts of non-baseball topics, such as a chat about The Three Stooges.
A guy claiming to be Kiner's grandson phones to tell us that Gramps also has had a stroke or two. So not only do we have rain on our parade, but they had to burst our balloon of comedic brilliance.
"The count is one ball and two strokes." Rude and RUDE!
His book "Bringing Down The House" has been made into a movie called "21". It's about some MIT students who figured out a system to beat casinos in blackjack using a sophisticated card counting system. The movie had to be titled "21", instead of the book title, so it wouldn't be confused with that Steve Martin/Queen LaTooFat movie of the same name.
Ooooooh Chil'! She be SASSY!
Ben and Anthony get back into the discussion they had the last time he was in studio about how a person can be affected by the unorthodox play of another player at the table. Ant thinks it can totally throw your odds off if the player doesn't do things using the accepted but unwritten rules of the game. Ben still thinks that statistically it has no bearing on anything. Obviously it bothers Ant enough to upset him during a game, and that's a good enough reason to not play at a table with someone whose game play he doesn't like.
The movie "21" starring Jim Sturgess, Kevin Spacey, Laurence Fishburn, and Kate Bosworth, opens Friday... wide.
8:00
UFC fighter Rampage Jackson is in studio, and he recalls that the last time he was in studio the guys had "a crackhead" in, as well. Crackhead? He's talking about Rich Vos. You may recall that Vos filled Rampage in on his old methods of trying to get more drugs out of his gay dealer by trying to dress "sexy".
What horrible images that conjures up.
A few Vos stories are tossed around, including one Jimmy tells of a time about 10 years ago when Vos decided to show off his karate skills because he felt threatened. He threw a kick, then slipped and fell in garbage juice. So, he picked up his act when it soaked into his clothing? Interesting.
O&A talk with Rampage about some of his more memorable matches, and especially his rivalry with Chuck Liddell.
Naturally, the guys decide to show Rampage "2Girls/1Cup", but it has absolutely no effect on him and it takes Jivin's quick Dump Button Finger several jabs to keep Rampage's descriptions off the air.
WWE superstar Triple H joins the guys in studio. Opie tells him that he thought of Triple H's story about him ripping his quadricep during a bout and watching it bunch up in the wrong place when he had himself a leg cramp the other night. Opie had stretched his toes too far in his bed. I guess those down comforters can be awfully hard when you kick them unexpectedly.
Owwwwww!!!
Everyone amuses each other with stories of Angry Vince and some of the lunatic things he gets his wrestlers involved in... including one time Triple H had to put on a mask and pretend to loudly make love to a mannequin in a coffin... in a room adjacent to where a wake was being held in a funeral home.
And of course, we can't forget Vince recently
getting his ass buffed before an appearance.
Charming!
Conglomerated Sam pops in to ask Triple H how he felt when everyone thought that Vince McMahon had been blown up. Oh, that silly Sam. More pics...
Even some jackass on YouTube knew it was faked.
We get it. EVERYONE knew.
Check out Wrestlemania XXIV this Sunday at 7PM on Pay-Per-View. It sure sounds important.
Well, that's it for the first post-vacation rundown.
We'll be back tomorrow for more idiocy. Add me on MySpace!
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Edits by Joe
Posted: Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tuesday Greetings to everyone. The Opie and Anthony Show will return LIVE tomorrow morning, so set your alarms and BE READY!
Here are today's WORST OF segments...
6:00 Adam Ferrara Ant Plays Video Games/Kids Ant Hates Kids (Part 1)
7:00
Ant Hates Kids (Part 2) Mike Rowe Ant & Foreign Countries
8:00 Yoko's Driver Chimp Attacks Ant Wants No Doubt Tickets
--------------------------------------
To help get you through your miserable day we are providing several videos to help you waste your time in a non-productive manner. Thatswhatwedonow!
Here's a Classic
You've probably seen this one before, but it still might make you chuckle. Watch how quickly this guy loses his cool when a li'l lizard takes a leap onto his clothing.
Do lizards carry tasers?
As If Jumping Out Of a Plane Isn't Bad Enough...
For whatever reason, this guy thought it was a good idea to go skydiving. He might have had second thoughts if he knew that he would be having this close call.
I don't care HOW far away it really was... That guy's gonna be wiping himself clean with that parachute.
"Coming September 11th?!"
Here's an old ad for the always exploding Ford Pinto. It's a good thing it didn't get rear-ended in this commercial, although Steve C. was disappointed.
Pintos used to be EVERYWHERE... now you might see one every year or two.
Slow Motion Bitch Slap
Of course, they couldn't have reversed the roles in this one. That just wouldn't be PC.
Rude and RUDE!
Ouch!
Watch as Pat Duffy From The Future goes down hard. Next time pay attention to that spinnin' thing in the floor!
Now just lie there and feel stupid.
Hey! Come Back!
This creepy sea creature shrivels up and dissapears faster than male junk does when Sandy Kane gets naked.
Ok. BE like that.
ENOUGH!! WE GET IT!
Although Hugo The Cat is very talented, I think I've had enough of his feline costumery (is that a word?).
I prefer the OLD SCHOOL Stormtroopers with those lovely brown shirts that were so fantastic. Anthony knows what I mean.
Nice Jump!
The falls into the water are nice, but what's with that fat cackling cow mooing about "I got it on video! Tee hee!"? If someone reading this knows her, please give her a nice punch in the sternum for me. And I mean HARD.
I told you to wear your snorkel, jackass!
Now This Is Just Plain Silly
It seems that when he's not delivering eggs The Easter Bunny is a meanie.
I don't care if you've seen it before. Deal with it.
Blob Kelly cried when he saw the ice cream cone slapped from the guy's hand.
Fat Guy on a Moped
Say no more.
I'm bet the cameraman's glad he made Tubbo ride it. Or perhaps not.
400 lb Lion + Dancing Yenta = Ha Ha
Apparently the lion was annoyed by this woman's moronic gesticulating...
4 broken ribs. All the cat was trying to do was point out that her dancing sucks a fat one.
Speaking of Lions...
Anyone whose ever owned a cat knows they don't like their paws touched. Generally not a problem. However, when your cat is a full grown African lion, you might want to warn people about being careful where you touch. Even if you live in Pakistan. I'm just sayin'.
That poor cat will have a hard time getting that taste out of its mouth.
Me So Hurtee!
Stupid Japanese bike race...
That'll learn 'em!
So THIS Is What Goes On In Mastic!
Backyard wrestling is a bad idea. Especially when you slam someone down onto the rear window of a Ford Probe.
Oh lawdy lawd!
Bursting At The Seams
And everyplace else. Next time wear spandex...
What language are they giggling in? Yeccchh.
What's funnier than a teenager getting his cheek pierced by a broken drumstick?
Nothing, I tells ya! NOTHING.
Stings a bit. Well, it would, wouldn't it?
Ok. That's enough for you people. Remember, O&A will be back TOMORROW!
Don't forget! For each person who adds me as a friend on MySpace, another Pakistani kid will get his arm mauled by a lion. Please add me and help mutilate third world people.
Seeya!
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Edits by Joe
Posted: Monday, March 24, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Happy Monday, you sick bastards. O&A are still on vacation and will be back this Wednesday.
In the meantime, here are today's WORST OF segments and a few more li'l vidiotic tidbits to nauseate, frustrate, and hopefully amuse you.
WORST OF segments for Monday, March 24th... Choke on them.
6:00 Paul McCartney Divorce Ant and Home Depot Greeting Cards (Part 1)
7:00 Greeting Cards (Part 2) Disney Deaths Tuesdays with Opie
8:00 Fat Nick Genos
Disposable Cars
And here are some videos to get you through the day...
Not A Good Time For A Nap
Some Russian news anchor decides in the middle of her segment that she's going to faint. My favorite part is the woman in the foreground who just sits there as though nothing out of the ordinary has just happened.
Now get up and stand in line for a loaf of bread, stupid.
Now I Hate Chicago
These two creatures obviously went to the Rich Vos School of Hack-ting. What the hell is Eagle Man?!
WHATEVER you do, don't call the number to annoy the company! DO NOT DO THAT.
Part Woman/Part Slug
This African woman can certainly twist herself around. I didn't know people could have double jointed knees. The whole thing is enhanced by the awful 1970s style music.
Maybe people with arthritis should rub melanin into their sore joints. I'm just sayin'.
Should Rockets Be Shooting Out the Sides Like That?
Here's some raw footage of the Spayshlllll Challengerrrr disasterrrrrr on Jan 28th, 1986. It's pretty long, but interesting to see... if you were alive when this whole thing happened.
They never should've used that O-Ring that was shaped like Baby Jesus.
MY EYES! MY EYES!! MY EARS!!!!!
Good lord. Whatever possessed these females to put together a music video I'll never know. But here it is. Apparently it's Raining McCain. And I don't care if it's meant to be a spoof... it stinks.
This video is a good example of why many people believe there is no God... And why 9 out of 10 dentists agree that you shouldn't wear a shirt that's green screen colored when standing in front of a green screen.
Here's Something You Don't See Every Day...
A Bugatti Veyron racing a Eurofighter Typhoon jet aircraft. It's obvious which will win, but it's sort of interesting. Sort of. At least it's shot nicely.
I don't care if it's daytime or what... England always looks effing haunted to me.
Errrrmmm... OK Then
For some reason the guy who made this clip thought he should show others how to make an ice bulb.
What's an ice bulb, you ask?
I'm pretty sure I don't need one of those.
Sideshow Wrestling
This fella seems to be missing his arms and legs. You certainly wouldn't expect wrestling to be something he'd go in for. But he did.
Someone give this fella a li'l "shooka, shooka" for Ant.
I think his opponent was simply repulsed into losing.
Wait For It...
Hey! Today there's been no video of a guy on a bicycle getting smashed by a car... Fixed!
Good timing, stupid.
"Well, I didn't know"
It seems this roller headed pig doesn't know why the yellow tape is deployed around a crime scene. Have a seat in the police car, why don't ya?
And she keeps chit-chatterin' away on her phone. How nice for her.
Just Lie There and Cry
A kid who decides he's going to make a bit of a jump to swing from a railing gets videotaped by a very unsympathetic "friend".
Nice work, fella!
Car With A Train Horn? I see what you did there...
Watch as these tools drive around blasting a train horn at pedestrians. For some reason I find a few of the reactions very amusing.
...but not all of them.
Clotheslined!
That's some fancy fork-lift drivin' yer doin' there!
Idiot.
Meadow-like Parking
Here's a little clip to end today's crapfest with nothing but frustration. ENJOY!
Who says women aren't good drivers? Oh, that's right: EVERYBODY.
That's enough nonsense for today.
Plug Whoring Douche
Go to www.myspace.com/stevefrombayshore for lousy content, crappy pictures and a garbage layout. Also, add me as a friend. For every friend added another middle-eastern terrorist will come down with rectal cancer. At least that's what the people at MySpace have been telling me and who am I to not believe them? It's the internet, so it's gotta be true. mrrrfff err meh!
Seeya!
---------------------------------------------- Written by Steve from Bay Shore Edited by Joe
Posted: Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday is finally here! Opie & Anthony are not.
O&A will return on Wednesday, March 26th. Until then you'll just have to deal with Steve from Bay Shore's favorite videos that document pain, failure, the love of melons (yes the fruit) and the role of 1940s Germany on the present state of American television and culture. Thatswhathedoesnow...
Stay tuned for another load of crap from Steve from Bay Shore. And I mean "load of crap" in the nicest way possible.
---------------------------------------
Enter Bay Shore...
Well, it's finally Friday. The Opie and Anthony Show will return from vacation on Wednesday.
Will YOU be ready?
First off, we've uncovered a picture of Anthony's 3rd grade class, and you know us... we just LOVE to share.
Fun Fact: Prior to WWII, kids said the pledge like THIS. That's bananas! VERY patriotic!
Snowboarders Are the LARPers of the Sports World
I don't actually mean anything by that, I just want to annoy snowboarders. Anyway, watch as this potato head comes down the slope and narrowly misses the snow groomer trying to do its job.
A little impact would've made for a MUCH better video. Maybe next time!
The Chinese Are Coming!
And they're smashing reproduction antiques. WHAT? As if their totalitarian system wasn't mean-spirited enough. Did the reporter pronounce that word "In Famous"?
I Don't Foresee This Idiot Becoming Any Type of Crime Lord...
Some 12 year old genius in Florida decided the best person to rob would be a woman sitting behind a desk in the lobby of a police station.
Perhaps next time you should try your luck at a fire house.
I TOLD Them Not To Make Those Poles Out Of Corn Meal!
Check out this bus smashing into a huge highway sign in Mexico. The driver didn't have time to stop the bus after high winds took the sign down because he was all caught up singing "Mockingbird" with the passengers.
The Mexican engineers who designed the sign said that nobody ever told them they'd have to take wind conditions into account when they were given the project.
Full Booty Slam... mrrff err meh! Eccccccchhhhhh.
Watch as this fat wrestling fan has a Crunch Match with his folding chair. EVERYTHING about this is low budget: the camera, the arena, the ring, the wrestler, and certainly the chair.
At least the fat guy was kind enough to be wearing red so we could more easily spot and mock him.
Screw "The Gap"! Watch out for THE DOORS!
A South Korean subway train tried to eat a baby.
Who can blame the train? Do you have any idea how tender South Korean Babymeat is? It melts in your mouth! Just make sure you order it with no MSG.
Hot Girls Go Down
Here's a cute one. A bunch of drunken douches in a speed boat with some hot chicks. Maybe they shouldn't have stopped to show off.
