Postings for January 2004
DUDE, WHERE'S MY (HATE) MAIL?
Posted: Thursday, January 15, 2004
FoundryMusicDanny is actually PISSED off that people don't DISLIKE him enough. Sheesh. Send Danny some HATE, will ya?
Considering it's been like twenty months since I've been writing for Foundry, I'm surprised I havn't recieved more hate/fan mail. Does nobody care? I find that highly unlikely. After all we've been through together. Tsk. Tsk. Need I refresh your memory? Well, ok.....
Well, remember that time when I justified the much publicized "Wendy's Massicare" by suggesting that the killer was unhappy with the preperation of his bacon cheeseburger? How about the time when I may have touched on the theory that Elizibeth Smart enjoyed psycho-loads to the chin? Or perhaps the time when I wished an infant to be orally raped by Jim Norton for interrupting my movie-going experience? You're gonna sit there and tell me that none of this bothers you??
I think the only time I ever got any hate mail was when I did my column to praise the Mexican-Americans for the hard work they do to support a better life for themselves and their families. And to think! HATE MAIL. Geez, it was like my only postive column. Here I am portraying these beautiful Mexican-Americans in the light that they so rightly deserve, and what do I get from you people. Hate mail.
So many sensitive issues...remember when I remarked that instead of a Christmas tree we should hang a bloody Jesus? A BLOODY JESUS IN LIEU OF A CHRISTMAS TREE. Zero emails. And it's not like you guys aren't out there.
Here's the math. As of this very moment, over 9000 people out there have read my columns. 9000 divided by 22 columns equals 409 of you every column, tune in. And I actually have something amusing to say! Unlike some other people, who average over 1000 hits per column because of a cartoon of her in a bikini. I WANT TITS. Big gigantic cartoon titties. Steve, can we get to work on this or what?!? Steve, who once thought it was funny when I said something about getting a handy from the popes shaky parkinsons hand, is even censoring me! (There was a good reason for it, trust me. - SC) Now, if HE'S thinkin "whoa..I can't believe he just said that" What about you guys??
So here's my idea. If you've ever laughed, chuckled, smiled, felt ill, said "hell yeah!", "what the fuck is wrong with this guy", or "wow that was awful", let me fucking know by firing off an Email to Danny@foundrymusic.com
Because really, why do I write these things, IF NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!?!?!?
Email me, you cocksippers!
MMMM....LUNG CANCER
Posted: Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Just to give you an idea of what mind frame he's in when he's writing these, Danny sent in this column with the following note: "Half a fifth of jack doesn't exactly make you Stephen Hawking in the morning"
...Alchohol-fueled rage...there's nothing like it in the world, is there?
I am so sick of living in this city. That's New York City for all you Midwestern rubes. Why do the almost eight million people of this city continue to elect these fucking scumbag mayors with their hidden agendas?
Who actually liked Mayor Giuliani before the attack on this city? Nobody I know, that's for sure. He did all the same things that Doomberg [That's Mayor Michael Bloomberg, just in case you didn't know] is doing right now. So, why do we all praise Rudy, and taunt Bloomberg? Rudy raised the smoke tax, for all you absent minded, amnesia-having motherfuckers who think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread just because he made it to September 12th. Under Lord Combover's tenure, cigs doubled in price from $2.50 to $5.00.
Lets all not forget the way Rudy took away our right to drink in strip clubs here in the city. Just like the way Bloomie is banning cigarette smoking in bars. How are these two things not a huge violation of our freedoms?
Don't even get me started on the whole smoking ban in bars. I'll have you know that there is a bar/restaurant in Queens where Bloomberg dines at on occasion. While there, with numerous aides mind you, you might just see him seated in the smoking section. This fucking uber-hypocrite who's bitching about bar owners "putting their employees at risk" with second hand smoke is forcing his own staff to suck smoke for two hours so he can eat a hundred dollar steak. Can you believe this guy? Un-fucking-believable.
Oh, by the way, don't forget to save up that extra 18% for the property tax hike.
Now what I'm reading today in the paper is that Mr. 30%-approval-rating wants to "save the obese children" in NYC. One of the ways he wants to help out is by not renewing McDonalds' leases when they expire in three city hospitals. (Really? There's McDonald's in City hospitals? Seems odd, don't you think? - mgmt.) Now, how in the hell can you start making decisions like that for other people? Telling them what they can and can't eat? I thought this was America not Afghanistan. If he's so worried about kids getting fat, why not educate the non-caring parents of these chubby little bastards on the effects of a poor diet and the health risks involved. Then, let the parents do what they do, and raise their own goddamn kids!! If your kid is a big fat fucking slob, guess what? It's your own damn fault! If I break my fucking leg, and end up in one of those hospitals and I have a hankering for three quarter pounders dipped in the fucking fry oil, then goddammit, who the fuck are you to take that away from me?
What I don't understand is why nobody seems to be as outraged as I am that some jerky rich boy is taking away a shit load of our freedoms. I should be able to decide if I'd like to smoke or not. Bar owners should be able to decide if they want to allow smoking in their bars and parents should take some responsibility for their big fat fucking kids. Here's to Mayor Mullah Omar.
~FoundryMusicDanny~
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