Postings for April 2002
COUNTOWN TO SUBSCRIPTION
Posted: Friday, April 23, 2004
(I wasn't sure what Danny was writing about when he first handed this in...simply because Danny has a tendency to pump these out in the middle of the night, sometimes in a drunken stupor. After picking through it, I understand what he's getting at; the notion of paying for radio isn't that absurd if you truly value the programming. If the government is going to try and yank away the programming you want from the regular airwaves, you now have an alternative - the satellite services...and not too many people...including Dan in this article... seem to be complaining - SC)
You know, after all the recent events, it seems to me that one thing is pretty clear. The boys are back. As I sat staring at one of the timers on OpieAndAnthony.com I noticed that little "finger" appeared over the timer as if you could click on it. Well, I did, and the "sirens" started to play. By the way, if you don't know what I mean, you shouldn't be reading this
As I sat and listened I felt a smile creep across my face. I know those sirens aren't as distant as they seem. I listened to those sirens and imagined various sound clips being played over them, just like Opie and Anthony did in the beginning of each show.
Muni's "Heh, Heh" and "Comin'". Psycho Mark's "You're a filthy whOOore!", as well as whatever clips were farmed from the previous day's shenanigans. When you heard those sirens, you knew you were in for it. I'm looking forward to hearing those sirens for real very soon.
Over the last 615 or so days since my favorite radio show has been off the air, a lot of shit has gone down in this country. The whole broadcasting industry has indeed changed. I can't help but admit the fact that the cancellation of the Opie and Anthony show was the mere finger that pushed that first domino. And in my mind it seems only fitting that the boys who started it all will be the ones to lead a revolution. (Meaning since O&A took the fall for the 'Sex For Sam 3' bit, we've seen Janet Jacksons tit, numerous radio personalities thrown off the airwaves and even Stern is afraid. You're gonna tell me O&A werent the start of it all? when i say the boys will be the first to lead a revolution, its the satellite revolution i speak of. Once O&A come aboard watch as other radio shows race to be next in line).
Hoo, hoo everybody. Cable television stared pretty small as I recall. I remember my grandmother had a little box on top of her TV with the push/pull, on/off switch that you'd twist left and right for volume. Anyway, you'd set the TV to 3 and flip the toggle on this little box and you'd get HBO. Thats all. HBO. Why HBO? Well, basically, cuz you just couldn't get it anywhere else. Who in the world is gonna pay to watch television? Heh..
I'm sure anybody reading this right now has cable; (if you're looking at it with a cable modem, then it's a pretty safe bet - SC). Not immediately, but sometime in the not so distant future, the majority of the American public will have satellite radio, or "pay radio". However, in the all too realistic present, the majority of the American public still have no clue how and when to properly use a semi-colon. (ah, ok... Dan's not sure he used the semi-colon correctly - SC)
We're witnessing a new era in radio. Geez, that sounds so friggin cheesy, but it's the truth. All these outcast personalities, including "the king of all whining", will find a safe haven (for now) under the umbrella of satellite radio. And you wanna know another thing? If they go there, people will pay.....
Recently, I started a new job (Big surprise eh?). Anyhow, my first day somebody had been working at a different desk than normal and when someone yelled to a co-worker "Where'd you go?" He replied, "I'm ova HERE now!!", and the two began to laugh. Me? I just kinda smiled and shook my head thinking, "We're still here." 600-some odd days later.
Since then I've held a few conversations at work regarding O&A, and y'know what? The guys I'm talkin to said that the minute they found out which company, XM or Sirius, the boys were signed to, they would sign up instantly. I am one of those guys.
I'm just so ecstatic that even after almost two full years of the Opie and Anthony show being off the air, there's still such a huge buzz about the show. All I'm really saying is, if The Parkers were canceled from The WB, I don't think there'd be this huge outpour of support, with people lining the streets outside WB headquarters demanding it's return. I personally would like to thank each and every one of the millions of O&A fans for keeping the faith and never giving up. If it weren't for you guys I don't think we'd be seeing the guys anywhere right about now. Also, I'd like to thank each and every FoundryMusic visitor separately for keeping this site alive (Yeah, I second that - SC).
Show your support!! Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe to whichever company the boys end up with. Let's show conventional radio we mean business... by taking away theirs.
28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds..thats when the world will end....oh wait..I mean, 46 days, 20 hours, 7 minutes, 27 seconds..thats when the radio world as we know it will end.
heheheh someone out there gets it ;)
FoundryMusicDanny
P.S. No matter what you think of other personalities, their views or otherwise, we must defend our freedom of speech rights! I have the right to call you an asshole and you have the right to call me a cocksucker. DEFEND IT.
P.P.S. Hoo Hoo again kiddies, I'm being ripped off! You may remember a previous column of Brain Aids about the magic of Christmas ... Well check THIS OUT!
and finally... you can now purchase my used socks, which for some reason turn yellow, crusty and smell like hair dye after one use. please contact xevilkidx@yahoo.com for more info.
RATED F FOR FUCK YOU!
Posted: Wednesday, April 24, 2002
Ahh, a night at the movies. For $8.50 you can lose yourself in fantasy and movie magic. Seven dollar popcorn, a three dollar Dixie cup of soda. A small price to pay to forget about you life for two hours....I mean, two minutes. I'll elaborate.
Why does anyone even bother to go to the movies anymore? I can't even remember the last time I went to see a film and wasn't completely annoyed, agitated and disgusted a half hour into it. Every time I go I say to myself "OK, I'm sure it'll be fine this time. How many times in a row can you have a theater filled with obnoxious twats." Many apparently.
I'll start a few weeks ago when I went to see "The Time Machine". I always look around the theater before the movie even starts just so I can try and point out ahead of time who's gonna piss me off. In front of me I saw a couple of colored gentlemen. I had them definitely pegged for trouble. A little behind me and to the left, a family had come in with a couple of 8 or 9 year olds. These fucking kids never shut up. Through the entire movie these chubby hairless turds find it absolutely necessary to speak about every scene on the screen. Asking their useless, disrespectful parents what somebody just said or why something just happened. I got whiplash from violently twisting my neck to shush these little dickbags. What do the parents do? Nothing, of course.
Now, if that's not enough to immensely piss you off, it gets better. Much better. Apparently, another young couple wanted to share a night at the movies together. Only problem is that these mindless assfucks couldn't find a sitter and decided to bring their fucking infant to the goddamn theater. What the fuck kind of thought process do you have bringing an 8 month old (if even) infant to, not only a movie, but a movie that starts at 10PM. I hope when they do eventually find a sitter, it's Ol' Jimbo Norton and he feeds the kid a healthy dose of Rohypnol, so he can later orally invade its toothless head.
I suppose that wasn't enough torture, as I headed back to the movies a few weeks later to see "Changing Lanes". This time it wasn't so much the people that annoyed me, but the actual design of the theater. It was "Changing Lanes" opening weekend so the entire place was packed. Now, I'm not a huge fucking pig, OK? I'm 5'7" and about 157, but I'd have more legroom sitting in the back of a Dodge Daytona than in this theater. To make things worse, the seats recline a little as you sit down and there's nothing you can do about. Which on the one hand isn't such a big deal. In fact, I'm sure a bunch of you would like that. However it kinda sucks when a big huge fat fucking cow decides to sit directly behind you. Every time this fatbody breathes my seat is going up and down. Aside from that I also have to deal with the sound associated with a fat fuck breathing. It's kind of like a Darth Vader sound with a little more moisture involved. What the fuck can I do, turn around and yell "Stop breathing!!"? Whatever. I deal.
All I know is that I will absolutely never buy another movie ticket. I'll wait for HBO. I don't give a shit. I'd rather be comfortable in my own house without screaming infants, talking 8 year olds or fat blobs breathing on me. I'm sorry if I just described your home, which I know for some of you, I have. Besides, at home if the movie blows you can just flip tapes and throw in "Junior College Schoolgirls #2" and whack your bag. When was the last time you did that in a movie theater. Perverts.
ROCK 'N ROLL MACDAHNOES: A JOURNEY INTO INCOMPETENCE
Posted: Wednesday, April 10, 2002
They love to see me smile, eh? The only way I'd be smiling at this particular McDonalds is if I had blown the skulls of the entire staff into powder with a double barrel shotgun. I understand that if you work at McDonalds, you're not a exactly a fucking astro physicist, but don't you need to posses the slightest bit of skill to work any job? Follow this logic.
On my way back from my local Duane Reade, I decided to stop in to McDonalds and grab a late lunch. Immediately I notice a huge line due to only two registers being open. Point one, more open registers equal faster service. Molasses flows faster than these mongoloids. Which brings me to my second point, ring up people as they order. This guy in front of me orders a shit load of food, and the entire time he's firing off, this dumb cunt just looks at him and nods. After a solid 45 seconds of this guy ordering she starts to punch it into her little touchpad. "So, you want two number threes?" Cunt says. "No, I said three number threes." Reply's the man in front of me. Now keep in mind it's been about 7 minutes since I've been on this line and the other line isn't moving either. As I wait I can't help but think about Brian Regan bits. "Much many number threes. Many more Three-sen."
A Big Mac has 26 grams of fat.
I'm scanning back and forth from stupid fuck number one playing telephone with the guy ordering, and stupid fuck number two trying to get his order together. After about 5 minutes she finally gets his order right, or so she thought. The man ordering questions the total, which seemed a little large. So now she's repeating what the guy ordered for the ninetieth time. Bzzzt! Wrong, try again dumbass!! And so we forge on to the ninety-first. "Two twisty goo's, one choco-berry......"
At this point my first instinct was to just get off the line and leave, and right before I reacted I thought to myself, "No. This'll probably get much better." So, I stayed on my line. Probably about 12 minutes on line now, and finally I'm next. How easy is this - 2 double cheeseburgers, 1 chicken sandwich, 1 shake and 1 Coke. "Fucking child's play." I thought to myself. She rings me up and actually gives the right change. I'm impressed. I take my tray and move to the side as she takes the next persons order. Regan invades my thought process again. This time it's the snowcone bit. "Even if I get half the order right, I still get full pay."
A Quarter Pounder has 28 grams of fat.
One dollar shake. OK, we got that one down. One small Coke. Not bad, this just might pan out. Next, the same stupid bitch that took my damn order throws down three large cokes onto my tray. She can't be senile, she's only in her 30's. In her 30's, working in McDonalds. IN HER 30'S, WORKING IN MCDONALDS. I say "Uh...I didn't order those." And she looks at me with that wide eyed half sideways dog look, as if to say "Woof?" By this time I'm completely and utterly stupefied. She goes back for the burgers, and gives me 3 double cheeseburgers, one more than I ordered, along with the chicken sandwich. Turns out she charged me for three as well, I just didn't notice. "Enjoy your meal." Cunt says. "You too." I think to myself. In case she has a meal later on, perhaps.
Rock on London. Rock on Chicago. Wheaties, the breakfast of champions.
FoundryMusicDanny
SAD BUT TRUE
Posted: Thursday, April 4, 2002
As I sit here wondering when Metallica will release their next album, I'm forced to ponder, "Do I even care anymore?" I'm a huge fan of Metallica, I go to all their concerts when they come into the area, I even left my house once at 5AM to get to the Virgin Megastore just so I could pre-order "Garage Inc." (yes, I know, I'm a loser) and get a pass to come back the next day to have it signed. Lately I find myself losing interest in the band, much like how Andrea Yates lost interest in her children.
With the release of "Garage Inc." I was semi-excited that Metallica decided to release 12 new covers, yet frustrated that the band was just rehashing old news. The band did not tour. "S&M" was up next. Metallica was accompanied by a symphony conducted by Michael Kamen. The band played only 3 dates, one of which being in Germany. So now I guess I'm supposed to buy everything that Metallica puts out, but I shouldn't expect to hear anything new or see them live in concert. With every year that passes there is a greed and laziness within the band that only seems to grow more rampant. What will they try to sell me next? James' cirrhosis ridden liver? A drumstick Lars almost used? They may even be bigger whores than Norton. Well...no maybe not that bad.
It was about this time when I joined the "Metallica Club." I paid $50 dollars for a fucking membership card, T-shirt and 3 "So What?" magazines, which the club publishes. The club often talks of member "perks" such as backstage passes and first shot at the good seats. I never saw any of these perks. However, I did have access to the members only area of the Metallica.com website, which contained absolutely no information or anything of interest for that matter. Money which would have been better spent on Rich Vos tickets.
Now in 2002, its been 5 years since the bands last original material release. James (or Jaymz, in the last few years) is now a recovering alcoholic. James fucking Hetfield in rehab. Did anyone ever think they'd see the day? The man whose band was notoriously known as "Alcoholica" in rehab. OK, terrific. Jason Newstead is gone, and no word of a new bassist in sight. So what's next? Another cover album? Maybe Metallica will play with a barber shop quartet next. Maybe they'll play their respective instruments with their nutbags. Who knows. What I do know, is that I'm not about to shell out $18 bucks to hear yet another version of "One." And for those keeping score, we have only been privileged with 3 new original tracks within the last 5 years so according to this ratio expect Metallica's next project to be released sometime in 2022. "We'll never stop, we'll never quit, cuz we're Metallica" Remember that lyric, fellas? Guess Not.
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