Postings for September 2002
STARS AND GRIPES
Posted: Friday, September 12, 2003
(I swear to GOD, Danny must get ripshit drunk and write these. There's absolutely no way he's coming up with this vile shit when he's sober. If he IS, then we should all be very frightened, because his ramblings are getting more and more psychotic by the week. I only hope he's wasted. If he's wasted, he can't load, aim, or fire a sniper rifle accurately enough to do any damage. - - SC)
Lets see...Steve's been on my ass for a new column..what in the fuck should I write about? Hmmm...His blatant homosexuality? Nah. My chronic alcoholism? Nah. How about my shitting out stonehenge a few days ago? Nah. Oh! I got it! How about Ben A Fleck and No-Doz, or whatever her name is, getting more press than the 9/11 anniversary???!? (I take offense at that. My homosexuality is nothing if not subtle -SC)
I love this country. I really do. There's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be. But someone...please, tell me why we idolize these money whores? These nothings. These no talent, snobby rich pricks. Let's take a look at why Ben A Fleck is a star shall we?
It's almost laughable how his career got started. Basically, he was an extra until, of all people, Kevin Smith, cast him in "MallRats" which was a gigantic miscarriage of a film. Then, a whole bunch of nothing happened until he was cast in "Chasing Amy", another Kevin Smith debacle. Then the one movie that made his entire career comes along, "Good Will Hunting". Thats it. Thats all this fuck has done. "Dogma" fucking blew and anyone who liked it must be on crack. "Jay and Silent Bob Stike Back"???? 'Nuff Said. "Daredevil"?? The Spider-Man wannabe? I dont think so. Of course, how can we forget "Gigli"... again, 'nuff said. (Holy shit. I think Danny manages to single-handedly be completely inaccurate, AND piss off thousands, if not millions of educated, smartass moviegoers. This is why I love Danny. He rambles totally uncontrollably, without a shred of concern for factual information or tact -SC ) OK, Steve, let's take a look here....oh wait...I get to add "Jersey Girl." Actor - filmography
(In Production) (2000s) (1990s) (1980s) - Man About Town (2005) (pre-production)
- Elektra (2005) (post-production) .... Matt Murdock
- Surviving Christmas (2004) .... Drew Lathem
- Jersey Girl (2004) .... Ollie Trinke
- Paycheck (2003) .... Michael Jennings
- Gigli (2003) .... Larry Gigli
- Daredevil (2003) .... Matt Murdock/Daredevil
... aka Daredevil 1.5 (2003) (USA: DVD title (director's cut)) - Third Wheel, The (2002/I) .... Michael
- Sum of All Fears, The (2002) .... Jack Ryan
... aka Anschlag, Der (2002) (Germany) - Changing Lanes (2002) .... Gavin Banek
- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) .... Holden McNeil/Himself
- Daddy and Them (2001) .... Lawrence Bowen
- Pearl Harbor (2001) .... Capt. Rafe McCawley
... aka Pearl Harbour (2001) (UK: promotional title) - Bounce (2000) .... Buddy Amaral
- Joseph: King of Dreams (2000) (V) (voice) .... Joseph
- Reindeer Games (2000) .... Rudy Duncan
... aka Deception (2000/II) (UK) (USA: working title) - SNL Fanatic (2000) (TV) .... Jason
- Boiler Room (2000) .... Jim Young
- Dogma (1999) .... Bartleby
- Forces of Nature (1999) .... Ben Holmes
- 200 Cigarettes (1999) .... Bartender
- Shakespeare in Love (1998) .... Ned Alleyn
- Armageddon (1998) .... A.J. Frost
- Phantoms (1998) .... Sheriff Bryce Hammond
... aka Dean Koontz's Phantoms (1998) (USA: complete title) - Good Will Hunting (1997) .... Chuckie Sullivan
- Office Killer (1997) (scenes deleted) .... Man in Office
- Chasing Amy (1997) .... Holden McNeil
- Going All the Way (1997) .... Tom 'Gunner' Casselman
- Glory Daze (1996) .... Jack
- Mallrats (1995) .... Shannon Hamilton
- "Against the Grain" (1993) TV Series .... Joe Willie Clemons
- Dazed and Confused (1993) .... Fred O'Bannion
- School Ties (1992) .... Chesty Smith
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) (uncredited) .... Basketball Player #10
- Daddy (1991) (TV) .... Ben Watson
... aka Danielle Steel's 'Daddy' (1991) (TV)
- "Second Voyage of the Mimi, The" (1988) TV Series .... C.T. Granville
- Hands of a Stranger (1987) (TV) .... Billy Hearn
- Wanted: The Perfect Guy (1986) (TV) .... Danny Coleman
... aka Wanted: A Man for Mom (1986) (TV) (USA) - "Voyage of the Mimi, The" (1984) TV Series .... C.T. Granville
- Dark End of the Street, The (1981)
That's A Fleck. Lets take a look at J-Lo. Hell, I liked "Money Train", so I can't say nothing there. "Wedding Planner"? "Angel Eyes"? They sucked. "Maid In Manhattan"? "Gigli"? Crap. Oh, and let's not forget the one "hit" song she sings about her ex, Puff Daddy, P Diddy...whatever. There was this one Conan O'Brien joke I loved about them; it went something like...
"It seems Ben Affleck recently stayed in the exact same hotel suite Puffy stayed at. Ben wasn't at all intimidated though, because he's used to going where Puffy has already been."
These are the people "we" are supposed to idolize? Bullshit. No way. Sorry. Not happening. It really makes no sense to me. It's one thing to have a free press and report on interesting events, but, jotting down every stupid move these two plastic fuckers makes is enough to make me scoop out my eyes with spoons. This country has got to stop paying attention this utter nonsense.
Here's what I'm talking about; An excellent example, actually. On September 11th, 2001, Thousands of people died when planes were crashed into the World Trade Towers in New York City. Thousands of people died going to work to do either what they enjoyed doing, or what they had to do to support their families. They didn't just die. They died in one of the most horrific ways I can imagine to die. A 747 traveling full steam into their offices. Those who didn't die on impact burned to death from flaming jet fuel. Those who didnt burn either jumped out of one of the tallest buildings in the world, or were crushed when the towers collasped. This event is the Pearl Harbor of our generation.
And the other really big headline of the day was: "Ben A Fleck and J-Lo postpone their wedding".
WHO IN THE FUCK GIVES A FLAMING SHIT???
Do you think I have trouble falling asleep at night thinking about whether Ben and J-Lo will ever get married or not? No. I think what the American people should have on their minds is what target is next. Not that I'm one of these paranoid fucks who, when the blackout happened, thouhght, "Oh My God!! The world is over!! Osama got us!!" I'm just saying, this fucking country has got to get it's priorities straight.
This brings me to another jack-off whose getting a little more press than he deserves, Johnny Depp. I read recently in Newsday that he had given an interview with a German magazine where he proceeded to bad-mouth this country and stated that he only comes to America now to shoot films, and thats all. Keep in mind that Depp now lives in France.
Johnny Depp found fame and fortune on this soil. Depp also became a raging drug addict. Nevertheless, the public still adored him, and this country gave him another shot. Did he make a gigantic comeback? Yes. Is he still swimming in millions that his success in this country enabled him to have? Yes. People like this guy should think about what's spewing out of their mouths before they speak, and realize that if it weren't for this country he'd be bagging groceries in Canada. So before you go see "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" this weekend, think about that.
Johnny Depp is rich and famous, living in southern France. He doesn't like America.
I am unemployed, broke, and I'd be happy to find a $7.50 an hour job. I love America.
FoundryMusicDanny
IN THE NEWS
Posted: Tuesday, September 24, 2002
The thoughts expressed in this column are not necessarily shared by the management of FoundryMusic.com.
They are, without question, the ramblings of a psychotic, sexually-repressed, alcohol-abusing introvert who would be more at home in a mental institution (with that in mind, we're always looking for new writers...SO GET THOSE WRITING SAMPLES IN NOW!!!)
Having said that, we bring you FMDanny's latest rant...
For those of you who live in New York, you're probably familiar with NY1, the all news cable network. Mornings, they do a segment titled "In The News" in which the newsreader gives you a summary of the top stories you'll find in the days newspapers. I thought I would do everybody a service today and just recap some of the news stories I've read in today's paper.
On the cover of today's Newsday, we find John Taylor's face, the man who murdered five in what's better known as the Wendy's massacre. The story tells of Taylor's lawyer, John Youngblood, acknowledging that Taylor is guilty, yet the jury should spare him from the death penalty. Now, I'm a firm believer of "eye for an eye." If a fucking maniac murders five people, execution style, why the fuck should this social abortion breathe for one more minute? Then again, it was Wendy's. Where at that very same Wendy's (I live rather close) the cheese on my cheeseburger is never melted. I fucking hate that. Maybe Mr. Taylor felt the same way. Who knows, but judging from some of the ages of the victims, two of which are over 40, maybe he just did them a favor. I mean shit, if I can't get my pathetic life together and I'm stuck working at a Wendy's in my 40's, suddenly being shot execution style in the head doesn't seem all too bad. I'm sorry, was that a bit much for you? I'll move on.
Yoko Ono once again in then news, this time she's going to court for alleging an ex-personal assistant took advantage of her and her late husband John Lennon. Ono says "he kept back 11 documents in Lennon's handwriting and sold them for $75,000." If we took down Ono's pants we'd find two huge watermelons hovering between her thighs. Can you believe the audacity? All this stupid chink has done her entire tenure as Mrs. Lennon is abuse the former Beatles name and reap the monetary benefits of being Mrs. John Lennon. This is contradicting in it's finest hour. Suddenly "Woman Is The Nigger Of The World" is a double entendre.
Moving on to the crisis in the Middle East, apparently an Israeli solder shot a 13 year old Palestinian boy for absolutely no reason. Ewa Jasiewics, who is a member of the International Solidarity Movement which holds protests of the Israeli army regularly, claims that Israeli solders often hold random Palestinians in their crosshairs without incident. I say who gives a damn. These sand monkeys have been doing the same thing for two thousand years already. This brainwashed culture who are taught from the infancy of their lives to hate Israelis and Americans. Dozens upon dozens are dead in recent weeks as a result of suicide bomber attacks of major streets and busses. So what if the Israelis blow one of these future terrorists away. You reap what you sow, y'know? Maybe Israeli solders will stop killing your children if you guys stop blowing up theirs. I say we nuke the entire fucking place and then use it like the prison in "Escape From New York." Let a whole civilization of convicts duke it out inside a walled-off Israel. We could set up webcams all over the prison and charge people a monthly fee to watch. I've gotta go and copyright that before somebody else does.
Well, that's it for this edition. Who knows what tomorrow's news will bring?
FoundryMusicDanny
REAR ENDED
Posted: Thursday, September 12, 2002
Do you remember your first car? Of course you do. You probably can remember every little detail about it. The way it handled, the exact shade of both the interior and exterior, the way you, and only you could open the drivers side door. The way it forced you to file for bankruptcy two years later. Yeah..wait WHAT?!?
It all started on eBay as a matter of fact. Hell I was buying everything else on eBay...guitars, old vinyl, porno....porno....porno. Why not a fucking car? She was an 1989 Dodge Daytona ES. Fire fucking engine red. Skirt kit, spoiler and almost 90 horsepower of monster front wheel drive power. She was perfect for me, because I like my cars just how I like my women. Eleven years old. The car was located somewhere west of Buttfuck County New Jersey. Now, if you've read any of my past columns, you know I'm really not too bright. So I go after work one day to check the car out. Problem was I never stopped to think about how I might get home that day if I hadn't bought the car. You see, the train I had to take stops running after the PM rush, so in lamens terms. I was fucked. But I wasn't thinking about that. I just wanted to see this Daytona up close and personal. The car ran. Well, jogged. And there was a slight "knock" coming from somewhere under the hood. At the time I didn't know shit about cars so for all I knew there was a nut that was loose somewhere. I wasn't sure if I should buy the car, but aside from a tow truck, I had no other way of getting home. Lets just say I'm probably one if the only people alive who took a thousand dollar cab ride home.
1 1989 Dodge Daytona ES + Tow - $1000
Getting it to Queens was probably the easiest and cheapest thing I had to do with the friggin thing. Insurance and DMV issues was a whole other story. Do you guys have any clue how much minimum liability coverage costs for a (at the time) 19 year old male driver? $2200. That's MINIMUM buddy. And that's a major fucking purchase. Hell, before that the biggest purchase I had ever made was probably two movie tickets and dinner at IHOP.
1 year minimum liability coverage - $2200
Now as you all can probably assume, a car isn't too fun to drive after your engine explodes. See, I had to find out the hard way with that one. Remember that "knock" I had? Well, by now it was more like a "bang." Actually it sounded like there were two elephants fucking under the hood and a somebody lit a stick of dynamite to try and get them to stop. So basically I had owned my car for about two weeks and it was already dead. So now I'm off to find an engine shop.
Now as I said before I didn't know shit about cars. I had actually thought the way you pronounce "tachometer" was taco-meter. So I figure they could just rebuild the engine and that would be that. Well, wouldn't ya know it. They can't do a rebuild because the engine is too destroyed. The guy at the shop tells me my only other option is for them to install what they called a "low miles used engine." Which evidently turned out to be a fucking junkyard engine. How much did I pay for this "low miles" used engine? $2500. Now I was fucking furious. But I didn't give a shit anymore so I said fuck it, just do it.
1 "Low Miles" used engine - $2500
Heres the part of the story where you really get to see what it's like to be me. I pick up the car after about 3 weeks in the shop, and I'm happier than a Jim in piss. I didn't want to drive all the way home to drop off the car and then go to work, so I figured I'd just spend the $30 to park in the city. Everything was going just great. I even visited my car on my lunch hour. Five O'clock finally came and as most people are cursing their commute home, I was loving mine. For the time being. I'm at a light on 57th just waiting for it to turn green, and when it does, I hit the pedal and.....well...nothing. The engine was revving, but I wasn't going anywhere. Some assface yells "Ease off the clutch!" I yell back "It's an automatic, jerk-off!" I push over to the curb and I have no idea whats wrong, so I start running around the block looking for a cop. What I found was even better, a tow truck. The guy meets me at my car and after I tell him what happened, he gets down on his knees and starts feeling the ground under my car. "Tranny fluid" He says. Terrific. He tows it back to his shop and, get this, the clutch on the tranny is fried. Now you can't just replace an automatic clutch, so I have to REPLACE THE ENTIRE FUCKING TRANSMISSION. Don't forget, this is the SAME DAY I picked up the car from the engine shop.
1 new transmission - $1000
Isn't this fun. Now it's inspection time. Seems my rear brakes weren't even functioning. That's another $400. If I keep goin on this article is going to turn into War and Peace. I'll just quickly list some other things that went wrong. Shocks, struts, alternator, seals, locks, compressor I could go on and on.
The last thing I'll get to is my power steering. I noticed it was whining one day, so I picked up some power steering fluid and filled her up. That worked for maybe a week. So I went out and got some more. This time it lasted maybe 4 days. This went on until I poured the fluid in and basically it would come right out about 20 minutes later. Turns out my rack and pinion is cracked and can't be repaired. So what did I do? Fuck no, I didn't fix it. I drove around for about 4 months with no power steering. Sure it took me a good 12 minutes to parallel park, but damn I was diesel. I ended up selling the fucking car to a "friend" of mine for $500 who totaled it within a weeks time. I ended up losing my job, hence losing the money I was paying off the car with.
Everything else - $1300
Filing for Chapter 11 - Priceless........well actually there is a filing fee.
FoundryMusicDanny
xevilkidx@yahoo.com
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