Slut In A Rut Postings for January 2006
ASSHOLE PARKING LOT REVENGE
Posted: Wednesday, January 4, 2006
Hi Pests... I've needed a place to post this brilliant idea for a while. I've never got so many replies as when I sent this idea out in a mass email. I was at a mall in Attleboro Ma, during the Christmas shopping season last year. I'm in the parking lot and sitting waiting for a guy to pull out of a space I intended to grab. Well, this asshole comes around the corner, and does the typical pull right in. Being pissed to be at the fucking mall to begin with, I was in the mood to confront the ass. A guy about 60 years old gets out, and I said "you asshole, I clearly was waiting for that spot" He and his fat fuck wife don't break stride for the door and reply "oh well".
So, I drive to another spot, and plot my revenge. Ah, the typical kicking the fucking side mirror off didn't seem satisfying enough for this shitdick.
Then it came to me! I walked up to his car, and pulled out my pocket knife, and trimmed off a 1/8" slice off his windshield wiper. A nice wavey slice. The best part of this is that, he would notice nothing until the blizzard on the way for the next day. All I could see is an old asshole guy turning on his wipers in a snowstorm with road salt and sludge and getting nothing, while he plows into a tree on the side of the road...."OH WELL"
A WAY TO GET YOURSELF HOME SAFELY WHILE SHITFACED..USE AAA
Posted: Wednesday, January 4, 2006
Hey Pests... Ever been out drinking, and the drink count gets away from you? You have your car outside, and your totally fucked up. A simple solution to get home without any mayhem, or leagal problems, is to whip out your wallet, and call AAA. They usually take an hour to get there, which gives you more time to pound them down. Tell the driver your transmission has finally blown. (This way he doesn't try to get the car running for you) He will drop you and your car off right in your driveway for free. If you don't have AAA, it would be a good idea to have it, if not just for this reason. It's about $100 a year, and compared to loss of license, lawyers and court costs, it is an easy $100 to spend. They will tow you up to 200 miles for free, with unlimited tows. When the hell are you out for a night of drinking more than 200 miles from home? If you drive for a living like I do, this is a plan that is a must! http://www.aaa.com
THANKSGIVING?? THANK A VET
Posted: Wednesday, January 4, 2006
I was in the liquor store the night before Thanksgiving, standing in the checkout line. The guy ahead of me, a mild mannered, long haired older gentleman, commented on my beer selection, Sam Adams Winter Lager, and how it was their best brew. The conversation was off in the long line. He pointed to the Southern Comfort display and told me that it was the first hard stuff he ever drank, when he came back from Vietnam, and how fucked up it got him. We went into old time muscle car talk, like us boomer guys will often do. He told me how he was 100% disabled, and plans to have a couple of operations at the VA hospital. As we approached the cashier, he pulled three nips off the counter display and put them next to his twelve pack. When he was being rung up, I threw a twenty over to the cashier and said this was on me. Well, this guy did the usual, no, no, no, no need. I told him that there was no fucking way that a veteran standing in front of me on Thanksgiving was going to pay for his own holiday booze. Talk about a bewildered man? After the sale was rung up, he looked at me and said, “ nobody has ever done that for me before”. I said to him, “that is my fucking point. Not only are you a vet, but the most unappreciated American vet in history, thanks to the media”. Well, this conversation took place quietly between us, and I did not talk loudly as to make a spectacle of myself and my beliefs, but it was observed by a few people in a couple of different checkout lines. He awkwardly thanked me profusely, and I cut him off by saying, “thank you soldier, Happy Thanksgiving” Now I ask you, who better than to be thankful for than the people who go and fight for our freedom? I did not make a spectacle of the situation there, because it was not the time or place. This forum IS the time and place. Veterans Day should be the top holiday in this country. It should be the time to shut everything down, and gather with family to be grateful that we can even gather at all, without permission from an oppressive government. It is our service men and women who make the sacrifices for us. If you simply walk into a coffee shop and see two buddies sitting there with medals on their hats, buy them a coffee and say thanks. Our veterans should be treated like royalty, but seems to be taken for granted, or not even considered, just like our freedom. Because of the fact that our vets will never feel as though they need to be treated special, is exactly why they should be treated so.
O+A SHOW ANALOGY TO MY WIFE WHILE ON VACATION
Posted: Wednesday, January 4, 2006
I was on vacation, and my wife wanted to know why I can't pass up the show for one week. Here's what I told her: Opie, Anthony and Norton are my friends. I break my balls all week, and don't have time to get together with the friends I have here. With the O+A show, I can hang with my buddies every day. I don't have to find a time to get my friends here rounded up for a night of drinking. I don't have to run home after work, shower, and drive 40 miles away to get together, and feel like shit the next day. So, for four hours a day, I turn on the radio and I get to hang with my warped, like-minded buddies. It is that simple. So, I told her to cut me some slack until 11 o'clock, I'm on vacation, and hanging with my friends!
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