The Kingdom,The Power, and the Glory Postings for February 2007
GAY STUFF ABOUT KEVIN
Posted: Wednesday, February 21, 2007
He’s a pretty blonde boy with a pretty blonde face; skin like French vanilla and I want a taste; There are all these games that a like to play Because he’s sexy in a shy kind of way; Prefers a dacerrie to a can of Foster’s I dig him because he has great posture; In his arms I want to nestle, Cause he’s the only one who makes me feels special; His hair looks like ripening wheat for farming, I’m not the only one who finds him charming; He’s the Kelso to my Fez; Something disgusting about the Dirty Sanchez; He’s always well groomed and quite well read; In my fantasy, he has a circular bed. He’s soft spoken like Robert Deniro; I think about him whenever I hear Erique Iglesias’s “Hero” We make a nice couple like ernie and bert; He wears a short shleeve over his long sleeve shirt Of my wildspirit he was a taming; I nicknamed his cock the dragon, because it so Flaming; He’s got fag hagz from Jennifer to Candace, In the army he’d be Captain Fabulous; In the Marines, he’d just be a Sarge Pushing around his privates; Until a dishonourable discharge.
Emotion(s) while posting: confident
POEM ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL JANITOR
Posted: Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Poem about A High School Janitor Got beat up as a boy and also molested, My mom was old – powdered milk how I was breast fed; Had some parameters spoke iambic pentameter, Drank to much Drano – ended up a janitor; My life sucks, I’ve got no joy; Who wouldn’t like to lick on a High School Boy; I like them tall and lanky, volley ball players Behind the podium, I’m a master Debater Jap janitor exchange program, I was trading spaces, I’m the reason geisha girls got white faces I like the rich kids because they got a lot of Cash, Had a body like the Vin Deezle, but hair like steve Nash All the B-Ball players want to be like Lebron, The NBA draft is just a slave auction, I got real talent – I can play the fiddle; It should be me a Lindsy Lohan with Malcom in the Middle My NAMBLA renewal is really a must, Some kid just puked – I need to get the sawdust I’m so poor I only eats Bits and Kibbles, I like pakki boys, cause they got brown nipples Tragically Hip talk about me with their pearl, 38 years old never kissed a girl, Just want to go home a watch Nickleodeon; Don’t want to be a janitor just a custodian.
Emotion(s) while posting: anxious
HANDPRINTS 3
Posted: Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Handprints on Mars: Scene 3 Barrel of Laughs ti-hi. Enter Barell Barrel: Hey Janney, I saw Skunk. And I yelled at him at all the boys at the Drake,The Plains Inn, The Dew Drop Inn, the Hooters, the Salibury Shack and the Chicken Chef. I said, “Skunk, you are a Shezelbetock” And the other guys asked him what it means and he said – “It means I have a big one!” Can you believe that? Janney: Well its true. Barrel: You know what I just had for dinner? Some double peanut butter chocolate vanilla caramel fudge turkey stuffed with cheese and lard. Janney: Wow. How do eat so much nd stay so trim Barrel: Ha ha ha. Anoerexia baby. That’s how it’s done, pretty and purgin’. Janney: Wow, you are really sad on the inside aren’t you. Barrel. You betcha> I’ve also painted my house. Janney: You paint your house every week. Barrel: Yeah, I like the fumes. Anne Carol enters Barrel: Oh hi, anne Carol, how is it hangin’ in the big TO (pronounced TWO) Anne: Its Tee Oh you moron. Janney: Don’t talk to her like that. Anne Carol: I’m sorry – it’s the Tee Oh – you whore. Barrel: Oh that Anne Carol, the things they learn in the big city. Anne Carol: I could bring you some heroin the next time I come back Barrel: That would be swell. If its it three things I love its paint fumes,drugs, and men – in that order. Well, it’s the big church bake sale coming up and I have get started on my “special” brownies, goodbye ladies Barrel exits Keep your eyes and ears peeled as the hotXXX Anne Carol/Janney Hair brushing scene is yet to come on HANDPRINTS ON MARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emotion(s) while posting: confused
PINTER OUT WEST
Posted: Saturday, February 17, 2007
Current mood:  giddy
Category: Writing and Poetry What if Pinter wrote a western. I think it would go a little something like this. Part1 Cast..:Shane: Gold Prospector/Cattle Rancher Hossy: Saloon Owner/Bar Tender Francine: Shane's Wife Bart: Mysterious Gulch Enthusiast A Saloon in the Old West Shane and Francine are sitting at a table. Hossy is behind the bar. Shane: This sarsaparilla always tastes like it has dirt in it. Francine: Isn't that the way you like it? With that earthy texture. Doesn't it make you feel all gritty and manly? Shane: I like my coffee gritty, maybe even a gritty whiskey but never do I care for dirt laden sarsaparilla. Francine: What about the way I cook my grits? Shane: Those, I actually find quite smooth. Francine: So, if you drank the gritty sarsaparilla with the smooth grits you would be satisfied? Shane: No, not necessarily, because I would still have the gritty sarsaparilla. Francine: But you like my grits. Shane: Yes, your grits are fine Francine: What is meant by the term "gritty nitty" Shane: It's just a turn of phrase. Francine: Does it come from sewing? Like gritty knitting. Shane: I don't think so Francine: Because after a while the sewing thread sometimes get gritty, and it is far more annoying than a gritty glass of sarsaparilla. Shane: Nothing is more annoying than a gritty glass of sarsaparilla. Pause Francine: What about crickets? Shane: What about crickets? Francine: I find them more annoying than gritty sarsaparilla. Or what about the time the James brothers came into town to rob the bank? I believe that was annoying. Or what about when midnight train comes in and ruins your sleep? Shane: Alright fine, some things are more annoying than a gritty glass of sarsaparilla. Francine: Like what? Shane: Like you. Pause. Francine: No, I'm serious. Come on know tell me. Shane: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Francine: Those aren't more annoying than crickets. That constant hum. Shane: Crickets don't hum, they chirp. Francine: Don't be silly. Birds chirp, I specifically like the chirp of the black crows. Shane: Crows don't chirp. Francine: But a crow is a bird, it's got wings, it flies, it chirps. Shane: No, no, no; a crow caws. Pause Francine: And that is different than a chirp. Shane: Yes it's louder and more annoying. Francine: More annoying than crickets hum. Shane: Chirp! Francine: Oh, right! Crickets and birds chirp, except for crows, which caw. Shane: That's right. Francine: Well what about a cock? Shane: I beg your pardon. Francine: Like Doc Potter's? Shane: Huh? Francine: In the morning. Shane: Ah…yes…well…the cock crows. Francine: But I thought the crow caws. Shane: The cock crows and crow caws! Silence Francine: There's no need to shout. Shane: A thousand apologies. Francine: When are you going on the next cattle drive? Shane: Probably on the 14th, if the crick don't rise. Francine: It's supposed to rain all next week. Shane: How do you know that? To be continued  | Currently Listening :
Johnny Get Angry
By Joanie Sommers
Release date: By 09 October, 2001  | 6:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Emotion(s) while posting: smug
HANDPRITS PART 2
Posted: Thursday, February 15, 2007
Handprints Part Two: Anne Carol Comes home
Current mood:  mellow
Category: Blogging Handprints on Mars part 2 Anne Carol comes to town: At the train yard Skunk: Good sex, huh! Janney: Good enough. Skunk: You know that Anne Carol is coming by airplane. Janney:Oh that's right! Fuck. Can you give me a ride to the airport. But no sex this time. Skunk. Yeah, I'm a little sleepy and I'm all out of Gatorade. At the airport. Anne Carol is wearing a shirt that says "I heart T.O." on the front and "I h8 Mom" on the back. Janney: Anne Carol, you're home! Anne Carol: Hey Mom, are you doing okay. Janney: I'm fine Anne Carol: Odd, because I thought you had a bad case of Bitch-itis. Janney: Anne Carol!
Janney slaps Anne Carol. Repeadedly and brutally. After she falls, Janney kicks her again in the stomach and uterus. Anne Carol: Ouch. Janney: I'm sorry, there was a bug on you. I think I got it. Anne Carol: Can I go back to Toronto. Janney: But you just got here. Anne Carol: In Toronto, they throw rose pedals at your feel.And it rains candy, and hoboes help you change tires. Janney: We are not in Toronto. Anne Carol: Did you sleep with Skunk? Janney: Anne carol how could even suggest such a …..Well we didn't sleep much. At home, Janney and Anne Carol are eating dinner Anne Carol: In Toronto we don't eat dinner, we eat supper. Janney: shut up and eat your fillet mignon,l with fresh portabello mushrooms, sautéed in a white wine sauce. Anne Carol: This is disgusting! We don't eat this in Toronto. Portaballa mushrtooms are so ghetto. We eat Shitaki. Janney: Language, young lady. Anne Carol: Franchesca, makes the best shitaki mushrooms. And she never wears clothes. If she goes out without clothes, she feels absolutely NAKED. Janney: What's so special about Franchesca. Anne Carol: What do you want to know? Is she tall or short – tall Perky breasts or saggy – Perky, hard nipples or soft – hard, bald pubes or bushy pubes, Lightning bolt. Janney: Listen Anne Carol, as soon as Skunk's mom dies, we can get a new phone line, promise. Anne Carol: Uh, I have a cell phone. Anne whips out her cell phone. Janney: What no chords, you must be a which! Anne Carol: Everybody has a cell phone in Toronto. By the way when does the train to T.O. come. Janney: Almost at 11:09 pm. Why? Anne Carol: Oh , no reason. Did you put that rope ladder outside my window….in case of a fire. Janny: Yes, dear. Anne Carol: Great (her eyes look shifty) Good night, whore. Janney: Good night, bitch. Will Anne Carol stay in the generich small town? Will Skunk's mom ever bite the big one, same can be said about Carol and and Skunk!? Will I ever get a life?! Find out Next time on HANDPRINTS ON MARS!!  | Currently Watching :
Bruce Springsteen - VH-1 Storytellers
Release date: By 06 September, 2005  | 7:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Emotion(s) while posting: anxious
HANDPRINTS ON MARS
Posted: Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Handprints on Mars….or how I made the atomic bomb Cast of Characters: Janney- depressed mom, and likes to “do it” . Skunk: Janney’s off again on again dude, who she “does it” with. Anne Carol: Janney’s Bitchy daughter Barrel: pointless quirky character just tacked on the end the hulking depression of the rest of the show. Poone: Janney’s ex-husband Franchesca: Chick Poone is schtupping Skunk’s Mom: Old woman who is dying,but never dies. At the train yard. Janney is wearing a burlap sack and shoes that don’t fit. It’s also the eighties so that means she’s wearing neon and listening to “Nirvana”. Janney: Dam, it’s so hot out here. Boy, it’s summer and hot. Who saw this coming? Not me. Skunk:Hello Janney Janney: Hello, Skunk – you get out of here I’m never having sex with you again. Not after the last time. Skunk: Man it is hot out here. It’s a scortcher. Janney: That’s enough, Skunk. Why must you force yourself on me. Skunk: My mother is gravely ill Janney: I can’t have sex with you. Skunk: Uh…You wanna bang in my truck? Janney:Fine, just don’t tell Anne Carol Skunk: I know she would hate to have missed it. She loves to watch. Janney: And don’t tell your mom either Skunk: Yeah, I know, I just hope one thing. Hope she dies quick,so I can get that life insurance. Janney: You’re a devil Skunk, you know I want some of that money. Skunk: Hush, you. Let’s do this. Janney and Skunk do it. Stay tuned for next time when Anne Carol comes to town
Emotion(s) while posting: smug
RED JEW DIARIES
Posted: Monday, February 5, 2007
| It's 5 am. Can't sleep. Don't want to tourque it untill wrestling comes on (I'm saving it for you Torrie Wilson) So I wrote some hopefully comedic skit scripts The adventures of Dude and Other Dude. They get stuck on the bus every day, and wackyness follows.Today its nipple talk Dude(D)
Other dude(od)
Two dudes on a bus.
OD: Hey hey buddy how is it goin'
D:Fine.Thank you.
OD; Hey buddy what's your favorite kind of nipple.
D; Pardon me?
OD: What's your favorite kind of nipple!
D: What?
Od: Do you like those little ones. Like they were drawn on by a sharpie.
D; Oh like no real areaola.
OD: Yeah, at a boy. That's right No Areaola.
D; Well I don't know....
Od: Or do you like the one's with the like the little nipples around the big nipples
D: Oh like the nipple force field, or the nipple decoys.
ODYou know what I heard from a doctor.
D; What;
OD; That those little nipples are braille.
D Braille:
OD: And they read "Please suck here" you know for blind people to know where to suck
D: I don't think so.
OD: Or what about those really big areaolas, like the big nipples.
D: Oh sure, they look like saucers on top of plates.
0D; Yeah I like those. I look at those and daddy just wants to suck 'em off. D:Until they bleed, fall off and have to be surgically repaired OD; Yeah! So what's your favorite kind of nipple.
D:Well if you must know, I like paki boys because they've got brown nipples.
OD:Who are you to play God?
Scene.
The Producers...or should I say the Projewcers
Producers in an office trying to find a hit broadway play, we all know where this is going.
Producer 1
Producer2. Girl P!: We need a hit
P2: as smash hit
P1; We need something will make em' laugh
p2; Cry
p1; get a boner!
p2;what?
P1; yeah!
p2: Why not
P1: People don't want to see anything original.
p2; or anything where have to think to hard.
p1' people are morans;
p2; What about menonites?
p1 Come on you know the exception.
p2: Oh that's right mennonites aren't considred people.
p1; give your head a shake.
p2. We will do a revival.
P1; But we got make it look like its sort of kinda new.
p2; Yeah ,but we can't just add vanilla to it
p1; or have it be toasted.
p2okay, i think I got it What about this- Anne Frank.
p1: Beloved figure keep going,
p2; But she';s sexy, a total hottie sexified sex pot with extra sexysauce.
P1. But we need a title, something that says Anne Frank is sexy and she is writing a private journal of her thoughts.
p2We also need a project for David Duchovny and his dog.
p1:I've got it. Red Jew Diaries!
p2: Brilliant!
Knock on door girl enters.
P2: What about her.
p1; For what.
Girl: For what?
P2; The Anne Frank...musical "Red Jew Dairies"
P1 & Girl; Musical????????
P2. People love sexy dames and musicals.
P1; No, gay men love musicals, but not sexy dames, oh they may hang around sexy dames all the time and when you come to make a play on them, the gay guy is like, Oh no you can do better, and you end up alone, eating safeway select Tuxedo's because you can'r afford oreo's and you spend the rest of your night re-watching the lady Di funeral over and over again, until you call a phone sex line and make the girl say her name is Dianna, but you wuss out before it gets kinky , and you cry to Candle in the Wind, til your eyes are as red as the Soviet Flag
Girl; Hello, you were talking about a musical or something.
P1 oh right,sure you think a musical
p2; Definately.Hey there you, do you think you make up songs about Anne Frank
Girl; Sure
P2; Hit it.
Girl: "Oh never take whatever you took, beacause a pawn is as good as rook,
Whether I'm a straight or a crook, I'm gonna write a book
P1 and 2 She's gonna write a book
Girl: That everyone will read, and it will be all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
P2; But what about the bad guys
P1: Nazis?
P2: Yeah there as bad as you get.I think their song would go a little something like this
P! and 2: We are comming.....comming....comming...for the girl......amd the.....book
Whether you are in the basment or the Attic
Whether you shave your legs with a gillette or a bic;
We know you have a text and you think its number 1
We are the nazis we are worse then Mel Gibson!
Did you see Man without a face,
Okay that was pretty bad,
What about What woman want,
Oh that made me mad
We are comming for the girl and theb ook, with tanks and trucks,
And Mel Gibson Sucks.
Girl: What about the climax?
P2, Well that's nice of you offer, but there was an accident with a tiger and some peanut buttter and to make a long story obscene, I just got of the shower.............
Girl; No ,no ,no , oh dear God no. The climax of the show.
P!; Okay the Nazis are out side the door, and your cousin has a dry hacking cough, but you all have to be quiet.
Girl:
" Be quiet Be very quiet, Here is a Hall's perhaps you should try it.
There will never get my diary;
Every will know the I'm such a hottie.
Your welcome alot, Anne Frank was Hot;
As long as the Guy from Weird Science was named Wyatt;
As the long as Rodney King started a riot;
If anyone finds a new position I'll try it;
Be Very Quiet!
P1; I smell a hit.
Girl; So do I have the part!
P2; Oh God no that was terrible. Put an add in the paper
Girl; Dear Red Jew, Life is a hulking moreass that inevitable crushes us all.The soul is mere an invention of exitentialists to compensate for their own lack of a moral compass. Man is intrisically racist and xenaphobic.I think Dr. Pepper tastes like Cream Soda. (Everybody comes out to sing Where have all the Flowrers Gone)Scene  | Currently Reading :
Get in the Van: On the Road With Black Flag (2nd Edition)
By Henry Rollins
Release date: By 09 November, 2004  | 5:35 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | | | | Saturday, February 03, 2007 |
Emotion(s) while posting: lonely
ALQUEDA ADVENTURES OF ANDREA - SPRING BREAK IN IRAN
Posted: Saturday, February 3, 2007
Andrea on her trip to Iran for Spring Break had some interesting adventures. As always her ever trustey pal Doug went along for the ride. Andrea: Isn’t this awesome.Doug: Uh.. Andrea we just beheaded an American soldier.Andrea: Yeah, it was super cool. What kind of outfit do you wear to an beheading after party. Is red too 1997?Doug. My God you held him down Iranian militants decapatate4d him.Andrea: Oh he had that coming. He’s a western imperialist pig.Doug: He showed you his baby pictures. And he is supporting his diabetic aunt.Andrea: That’s just collateral damage. You are such a baby. Now help me pick out an outfit.Doug: Uh, yeah the red one is cool.Andrea and doug walk into the post beheading party thrown by the Iranian SheikIran Shiek: My dear Andrea that dress it is absolutely phenomenal.Andrea: Oh thanks, my friend Doug helped me pick it out. Sheik: Uh..Doug do you also be;lieve in the Islamic jihod that we seek the suffering of the West and the ultimate rise of Allah to his right place of Warrior king of the Earth!Doug: Yeah.. about that. I just came her for the skiing – I don’t really like to get into the politics.Andrea: Oh Sheik, Doug’s cool – He’s Canadian like me. He likes his hockey, his Sleeman’s Honey Gold, and the violent reversal of power in the name of purity.Sheik: Well then - he must join us because we are going to roast a pig on the burning USA flag. Doug. I can’t do this Andrea – you are a terrorist!Andrea: What!? No I’m a topurist. Terrorist. Oh Doug You are so silly. Sheik: Yes Doug, you seem to be full of silliness, but to prove your devotion to the cause, you must wear this into that MacDonalds across the street.Andrea: Oh Doug you got the suicide vest. You are so lucky. You are going to spend eternity with 78 vistal virgins. I hope you didn’t rub one out last night.Doug: Andrea are you a terrorist.Andrea: Why do you keep asking my that (Andrea’s eyes look shifty) What will happen next. Will Andrea admit she’s a terrorist? Will Doug blow up the Iranian Macdonalds? Is the Sheik gay? Find all this and more on the next thrilling adventure of the Alqueda Adventures of Andrea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emotion(s) while posting: tired
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