Instead of playing Bette Middler and Linda Rondstat in my waiting room, relaxing people before their least favorite procedures (the ones involving my uniquely patented vibrating stethoscope), I prefer to put on bands like GIVE UP THE GHOST whose music, a punk hardcore fusion, will get them juiced up for their examinations.
Lately I’ve been trying to whittle my practice down to those pert, spunky, metal-loving teens I see wandering around town, who, in the right situation, would use my wooden tongue depressors in a way that would boggle the mind. Research by several colleagues has shown that the more coked up and angry these hot pieces of ass are, the more fun their annual physicals.
As a board certified doctor, I get the best shit too. Nothing like putting on "Young Hearts Will Be Free Tonight" and snorting a line or two off those perfectly proportioned, cream-skinned vixen tits while the young darlin’s sprawled out on deli paper under glaring operating lights. By golly, it’s amazing what a white coat and the ability to prescribe painkillers can do.
On first listen, these guys from Beantown sound like most other Grade B hardcore bands which independent labels love to pump out. But there’s something about their songs which earns them a second (and maybe even a third) chance. I think it’s Brian Masek’s noticeably simple but powerful guitar riffs under the drums, breaking up in tone and rhythm, that creates a lot of textures within a single song, like in "Bluem," textures as surprising and new as naked, vulnerable bodies are to my touch.
Diagnosing by feel is often the best method, I’ve found, when your head is humming and you don’t have to think about your hag-wife waiting for you at home. I don’t understand more than one or two words these guys are saying, but who cares. I really did pick the best possible job.
Speaking of which, I’ve officially changed my office policy. If you are a hot teen and GIVE UP THE GHOST turns you on, you need to come in for AT LEAST 4 physicals per year. Also, if your mom is hot, we can combine your visits and save you a copay.
