This hardcore self-titled debut caught my eye in the music store because it reminded me of all those times as a young salmon when I laid on the bottom of the river, jerking it to see if I could land a load on the back of my neck. That was when my mom would swim by and yell to my father, "They’re pollutin’ the river again!"
After years of practice, I can hit my mark on command, almost as well as some of my more famous, fat, hairy peers in the industry. It’s also fun at parties, a good ice-breaker when these stuck-up coke-gilled Hollywood sluts are talking about the great scenes they just filmed. Yeah, honey, you looked great taking all 10 inches and screaming for mercy as though you were being gutted.
So I guess I like these guys for their simple, raw garage band sound – makes me all sentimental and shit. If I were back hangin’ behind my school, smokin’ a blunt, I’d be listening to DOMESHOTS, dreaming of the day I would be able to bang chicks for cash. On a lot of these new hardcore albums, they’re lucky if they stumble onto one halfway memorable song, while all the rest is a blur of the same. But these DOMESHOT fuckers know how to make a good and interesting CD.
For one thing, each song’s got a catchy and different combination of guitar, bass, and vocals, with surprising riffs and speed changes throughout. They’ve got great balance and timing, something Big Dick knows a lot about. Their intros are always cool too, like for "Broken Glasses" it sounds like a sample of race car engines and air traffic control audio. You’re not sure if they’re gonna launch into hardcore or something else. The lyrics ain’t nothing to splooge over, but the overall sound picks up the slack a-plenty.
It could be that Johnny Genius, listed as their Mix guy, deserves a lot of the credit. And what a great porn name, sorta like Big Dick meets Clark Kent. "Broken Glasses" stands out as the best track, and it could easily be a ballad for all my lost loads. "I give this all away," Danner sings.
