10 YEARS DEEP
Watching KOTTONMOUTH KINGS’ behind-the-band DVD,
10 Years Deep, makes me realize how badly I need a new lifestyle— enough of this helping sick people crap. Frontman Richter said it best: "If you’re not laughing, there’s something wrong with your life." So, I brought a defibrillator home from the office and tried to stop my hag-wife’s heart while she slept. The first jolt knocked her off the bed and sent her screaming in her nightgown out the front door. Damn. Well, at least I know what I have to do.
Richter, Daddy X, and D-Loc, the heart of this punk rock hip-hop experience, know that a better life begins with lots of weed, underground shows where the ladies flash their pierced tits, and Pakelika, a stoner mime from Hollywood Boulevard who wears a cast on his face. Instead of making rounds and playing golf with other surgeons, I want all the "strange pussy and fast cars" I can handle. I want to walk around the hospital with Pakelika in tow and frighten all the nasty-smelling geriatric patients until they vomit Ensure.
Seeing this well-put together bio-flick full of bongs, hands on g-string asses, insane worshipping crowds, and motorcycle wipe-outs, I’m more than ready to Kevorkian the wife, bomb my practice, and ship out to Orange County.
Some of the best music around lives outside the mainstream, and these guys, the former "P-town Ballers," are proof positive. (I never knew what a true baller was before I watched this— always thought it was one of those single-testicle trick ponies I’d see in my office from time to time). The directors do a good job breaking up the history of the band with music videos and concert footage— it’s impressive how much blood these guys have sweated getting to where they are today. Being obligated to probe my wife’s creaky clam-trap every week, I can relate.
The songs on the DVD give me some good ideas. Next time I have to listen to that fun-draining inspiration-for-rape yap about her day , I’m going to say, "Talkin’ shit you little bitch? Just keep your mouth shut, it smells like old garbage." And if she keeps it up, I’m going to take the 1000-page Physician Desk Reference and pound her over the head with it. If KOTTONMOUTH ever needs a new gimp with a face cast, she’s it. I also got a line on some government grade cancer-patient weed and I’m willing to share . . . that is, if they'll add a band doctor to their crew.
