SERENITY IN FIRE
If you’ve ever listened to a KATAKLYSM song, you can understand how I felt after I found out that there was an illegitimate sprout runnin’ around with my DNA, and that this whorin’ broccoli from upstate had lied her soggy ass off about being on the pill. Lines like "for all our sins, we stand to die," "bleed for me," and "I’ve got the urge to kill, to see the blood flow" off their 6th album pretty much sum it up, especially when I think about how the cheese I shot up her stalk-hole is now a responsibility that I gotta pay for.
And workin’ in a supermarket doesn’t pay shit. I hope that little drain-on-society ends up in a Green Giant frozen medley, or at least mutilated with a broken bottle in the frantic rage-induced chaos of a KATAKLYSM show.
The way these Canadians reel off their spoken-word, meth-freak death metal, they’re definitely original, confident, and consistent with their extreme style, which they’ve been dishing out since 1992 with
Nuclear Blast records. You’d think they wouldn’t be memorable, just like the number of stinking green loads I’ve dropped over the years, since the background to every song sounds like a motorcycle stopped at an intersection. Lead vocalist Maurizio Iacono hisses through the album as if he cut out his own vocal chords in order to conduct better Satanic rituals. If he IS trying to keep ol’ Lucifer happy, I know one unwanted sprout in this vegetable-forsaken world that he can use for practice.
I expect that his slut mother’s stalks are turning yellow with gonorreah by now, but if by chance she’s still healthy, I hope she gets grilled alive on a hibachi this summer and as she catches fire next to a rack of ribs, she thinks of her dear lovin’ Brock. Maybe she’ll even find religion while she cooks up nice and Brock Jr. , he’ll be busy fighting off some sweaty orphanage staff member somewhere, the lines of "Under The Bleeding Sun" rolling through his mutant little head: "We are the bastard sons. Unwanted from god / Abandoned under the bleeding sun."
Speaking of God (if there is one), he must hate broccoli with a passion. I bet I’m on his "I’m gonna fuck you with everything possible" list. That’s why I’m glad that almost all the tracks off
Serenity In Fire are an attack on the hypocrisy that is religion. You don’t have to have your stalks diddled by a priest to be able to relate, although it would certainly help you enjoy the album.
These guys have toured with DANZIG, been on MTV’s
Headbangers Ball, and in general, paid their dues. Like they say, "This is extreme music. If you can’t handle it, get the fuck out!" Now I gotta go buy some charcoal briquettes and hunt down that skank who turned my seed into a living, breathing waste of fertilizer.
