Holy shit, someone had some urine-soaked Wheaties for breakfast... This is one seriously ANGRY review. We love angry reviews 'round here, don't we folks?
I know it came out last November, fuck face. Was I writing reviews on this site last November? No. So eat a dick. This is what you get when you’re a poor college graduate whose local Blockbuster only has fucking Madden ’98 for Nintendo 64 and a bleach-blonde haired 46 year old manager berating his employees about misplaced tapes while desperately trying to convince me that he’s Rex fucking Reed and that I give a shit about the cinematography in “The Ice Storm”. So unless Rockstar, Konami, etc. start pony-ing the fuck up with the review copies of their NEWEST games, you get Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty from last No-fucking-vember.
Whew....ok, time for the real review. Get this fucking game. That’s all there is to it. Along with GTA3 and Devil May Cry (another year old game I’ll probably be reviewing soon) these are the reasons we all bought a PS2 last year. The game starts off with some of the most stunning cinematics I’ve EVER seen in a game. The weather effects here are just fucking nuts, with the rain and wind whipping every which way. In the middle of this huge storm, super-spy badass Solid Snake is bungee jumping off of the George Washington bridge onto the deck of a large oil tanker in pursuit of a secret weapon being transported on board called Metal Gear Ray.
There IS one thing you have to understand before you start out with this game. Duke Nukem this isn’t. This isn’t mindless killing (sorry, Steve). The name of the game here is stealth. (For the record, if I EVER use the phrase “name of the game” in a review again you have permission to remove my eyeballs with a rusty fork.) So yeah, stealth. Metal Gear is all about sneaking., but it’s not as bad as it sounds. As the game progresses through it’s various levels, you can TASTE the amount of tension built up with the possibility of being spotted by an enemy soldier and having a combat shotgun shoved up your ass. I’m not kidding about that last part. As you’re sneaking through the tanker and subsequent levels, if you’re spotted (and you WILL get spotted) run for your fucking life. These soldiers will call in SERIOUS back up and ruin your surely already productive day.
This isn’t to say you can’t have your fair share of fun. Aside from beating the dirty prostitutes of GTA3, I can honestly say one of the most satisfying experiences in a video game is sneaking up on a guard in Metal Gear and snapping his neck. It’s a little sadistic, sure, but you’re all gonna love it. I promise you. Another feature is sneaking up on a soldier, drawing your gun and having him beg for his life. I understand it’s a soldier, not a girl, and you’re holding a gun, not a shovel, but in time, it’ll feel just as natural!
In all honesty, get MGS2. It has one of the most accomplished gameplay engines around, has some of the best character development I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing and the best graphics on the PS2, bar none. I’ll concede the cinematics are a little long but once you get into the story of this game, you’re not even going to notice. Pick it up.
