|
SHUT UP
You know, I wish my daddy was the Godfather of heavy metal, and I wish my mommy was a ruthless presence in the music business so that I could get my very own record deal. Basically, I wish I had all the advantages Kelly Osbourne has, because I'd take far better advantage of them than she did.
I really don't like Shut Up, Kelly Osbourne's first (and hopefully ONLY) CD. No, it's not because I harbor a hundred pounds of resentment for anyone who manages to get a record deal in the shark-infested cess pool that is the record business, no... I don't like it because it's genuinely lousy. The songs aren't there. The vocals aren't there. The image isn't there. Basically, all the shit you'd need to have if you wanted to sell a few records ...isn't there. What IS there is a hit TV show, a famous daddy, and a mother who can cross-promote and mass-market Kelly's over-fed arse to the masses. The videos are all over MTV. Kelly one of the principal characters on her family's own MTV series "The Osbournes" and she's got her mug emblazoned on almost as much plastic crap as Gene Simmons does. This being said, she's going to sell a few records.
I still don't like it.
I'll tell you something else; If I were THE DONNAS, I'd be really pissed off....Here's an all-girl band that's slugged it out in clubs across the country for years developing a sound, only to have it shoplifted by Heavy Metal offspring, Kelly Osbourne.
Title track, "Shut up" is buried about half-way through the track listing, and boasts meaningful lyrics. I nearly cried when I heard the prophetic "Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah" at the opening of the second verse...
The backing band on this disc is top notch, but I don't think Kelly would know what to do with a great backup band if her father was standing on stage with her, so their playing is wasted on the twelve tracks on this disc (well, eleven plus the already-released Madonna cover, "Papa Don't Preach").
Let this be a lesson to you aspiring musicians out there: all you need is a rock-God father, and a legendary music businesswoman for a mother, and you too can have your very own record.
Hey Kelly...Shut Up
|
