Whether you're a parent looking for that perfect Playstation game for your little rugrat, or you're an avid gamer looking for the next hot shit game to sink your sweaty (and hairy)palms into, our own John Ames has created a nifty little guide for you this holiday season to ease the decision making process.
Ames’s Last Minute Christmas Recommendations:
As I sat in front of my TV this weekend, letting the cold glow of holiday consumerism wash over my limp body, a few things popped into my head. Aside from the familiar smell of drunken relatives and undercooked ham, I realized that I better get my ass to the fucking mall and buy some shit for a bunch of people. I figured there are probably more than a few people in my situation right now so why not put up a little list of sorts.
Now, don’t even try to tell me that even ONE of you dopes have so much as LOOKED in the general direction of the mall. It’s ok. You can tell me. I’m here to help. Before you continue, realize this. I can NOT help you pick out the right set of pots and pans for your wife or a cute little promise ring for your underage girlfriend. I CAN however, recommend more than a few video games for those nephews, sons and pending blood-tests you have screaming for gifts. I’ll split them into categories by age/ESRB Ratings groups. We don’t want junior stealing cars and killing cops ala` Grand Theft Auto just yet, do we? Also, don’t expect any in-depth reviews. I know what I’m talking about, so just trust me. Ready to go? Alrighty then, lets see what we’ve got.
“Rated ‘E’ for Everyone”
Kingdom Hearts by Squaresoft: Disney. Where do you go wrong? This game mixes the worlds of the beloved (gag) Disney movies of the past 50 years with the visual style of the Final Fantasy series. Read my full review in the Hot Picks section. Might be a little complicated for the 5-7 y/o crowd, but good fun nonetheless.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: More can’t miss gifts from the kids’ section. Surprisingly NOT a thrown together movie-tie-in-hack-job. Pretty deep gameplay for those a little older, but the younger kids will love flying around on that stupid fucking broom.
Madden NFL 2003: If you don’t have it, stop calling yourself a man. Easily a must have for any football fan, high school has-been or father trying shoehorn his son into Dad’s glory days as a QB. Seriously though, this is the best football sim out there bar none.
Gran Turismo 3: Easily the best straight driving sim out there right now. Don’t expect GTA3 style cop chases. This is for hardcore driving enthusiasts. TONS of unlockable cars, tracks, etc. AND it’s officially a PS2 “Greatest Hit”. That means roughly 30 bucks. Go. Now.
Sly Cooper and the Thievious Racoonus: A little tough, but great for the young ones to play. You play as a “thief raccoon” that tries to recover parts of a stolen family heirloom. Sneaking is emphasized over violence, so you can feel comfortable leaving the kiddies alone with it.
“Rated ‘T’ for Teen”
Medal of Honor Frontline: Best first-person-shooter on PS2. Lots of bloodless violence plus it’s HISTORIC. You want your kids to LEARN right? So what if they kill mercilessly kill a few Nazis along the way?
Midnight Club Street Racing: Before GTA3, Rockstar Games released this gem right around the time the PS2 arrived. Illegal street racing, lots of unlockable cars, levels and opponents. Lots of fun.
“Rated ‘M’ for Mature”
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty: Last year’s stand out title is STILL worth your time. Lots of blood and guts, so I’d hold off on letting the young ones start their video game careers on this one. If you haven’t played it you owe it to yourself to pick it up or drop painfully obvious hints that you want it this holiday season. I suggest scratching out your request with a key on your significant other’s car.
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: The follow-up to last years HUGELY successful GTA3. Kill whoever you want, whenever you want. Start a crime ring and bring in LOADS of cash daily. Deliver pizza for a living. The point here is a free roaming, never-ending crime simulator. Obviously not a kid’s game.
Well there you have it. Not the longest thing in the world, but I promise you’ll come home satisfied, or at least put off raising your kid for a few more hours, regardless of who’s playing the games.
