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ESTROGENOCIDE
Alright...this has got to be a joke. Seriously, no one in their right mind who was TRYING to get any kind of serious attention for their musical ability would bother sending out the piece of crap that is this ESTROGENOCIDE disc. We firmly believe that the disc was put together as a gag by a few guys who had a few bucks burning holes in their pockets, just to fuck with music reviewers.
This CD was sent in sans press kit, sans photo, sans website link, sans ANYTHING, really... except for the following note, scribbled on an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of white paper:
"Hi, I hate bios so lets skip the bullshit. My band is Estrogenocide. We play synthpopgrindcore. Our influences are Depeche Mode and Napalm Death. Enjoy."
Interestingly enough, we don't think there are two bands we like LESS than Depeche Mode and Napalm Death, so you can probably sense how this review is going to go already.
Before we even get to the music, which is for lack of a more appropriate term, awful, let's begin with the packaging of this disc: The front cover is pink. Pink with roses and shitty computer-clip-art black trim. On the back of the insert, we see a picture of a nicely groomed married couple with the following above it: "estrogenocide is...mo lester and p.d. phelia.... Ho ho! Get it? Molester and Pedophelia? Holy fuck, we've seen more creativity on used toilet paper after a heavy night of drinking and quesadillas.
Musically, this shit sounds like a Nintendo game on pause...which is fine, if you like that sort of thing. This must have been recorded in the dark with a cat walking across a Casio keyboard...a Casio keyboard with one shitty setting: the bad one. This guy is whispering the whole time too; his mother must have been in the other room, and he didn't want to wake her up. Depeche Mode and Napalm Death?!?!! Where the fuck did you get that from? Napalm Death is like "Mary Had A Little Lamb" compared to this poop on a stick.
Now, with that said, lyrically...it's brilliant. Check out this Shakespearean quote:
"bite into my hairy sack/chew and swallow/your midnight snack"
That folks, is genius. How's about this one:
"jam a mop handle/up your ass/with no lube/then I will eat some pizza/and watch the family fued"
If only STING wrote lyrics like that, maybe he'd sell another ten million records.
How's about this gem:
"stick my gun/in your ass/blow your colon/to kingdom come/be my girl/we could have some fun"
Shit, Faith Hill should use that during the next Superbowl Halftime show. Talk about family entertainment!
They should really so spoken word records, because the lyrics are just magical. The music just kills it. Again, it's got to be a joke. Given the advancements that have been made in the field of music synthesizers, it's a little frustrating that this sounds like it was performed with a Keytar (you know, those stupid keyboard/guitar things that Morris Day and The Time used to play?)
Just because they're so funny, here's one more magical lyric for the road:
"i wish you had balls/so i could kick you in them/but you don't have balls/so i will cut your nipples off"
Somebody call the folks at Hallmark. We hear they need writers. You know, Mother's Day is coming.
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