SONG REVIEWED: "Turn Me On Mr. Dead Man"
YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE THE LATEST POWERMAN 5000 DISC, TONIGHT THE STARS REVOLT. I MEAN THE SONG "WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE" REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO RUN AROUND AND BREAK SHIT. IT'S AN ANGRY, POWERFUL, KNOCK-SOMEONE'S-TEETH-DOWN-THEIR-GODDAMN-THROAT SONG, AND THE DISC DIDN'T LEAVE MY CD PLAYER FOR A MONTH WHEN I FIRST HEARD IT.
THIS IS NOT A POWERMAN 5000 REVIEW.
THIS IS HOWEVER, A REVIEW OF THE UNION UNDERGROUND, THE LATEST FROM JOHN KALODNER'S PORTRAIT RECORDS IMPRINT, AND IN MY NOT-SO-HUMBLE OPINION, ONE HELL OF A MISTAKE. IF YOU THINK I'M BEING MELODRAMATIC, GO PLAY A COPY OF "WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE" AND THEN PLAY "TURN ME ON MR. DEAD MAN"... SAME GODDAMN SONG, ONLY THIS ONE HAS FEWER LYRICS. NOW, THIS KIND OF SIMILARITY HAS HAPPENED MANY TIMES IN THE PAST. IN THE LATE 80s, WHEN PEOPLE STILL WERE AWARE THAT WARRANT EXISTED, THEY HAD A SONG CALLED "CHERRY PIE"...WELL, A FEW MONTHS LATER, A BAND CALLED ELECTRIC BOYS RELEASED A SONG CALLED "LIPS AND HIPS"... IT WAS ESSENTIALLY THE SAME SONG. IT HAPPENS.
THE UNION UNDERGROUND IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO JAM TOO MANY FAMILIAR MUSICAL STYLES INTO ONE BAND. THERE ARE MASNON-ESQUE BEATS, POWERMAN 5000-INSPIRED CHORUSES, AND ALICE IN CHAINS VOCAL HARMONIES SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THIS DISC.
LYRICALLY, IT AIN'T MUCH. IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS SONG WAS ADDED ONTO THE DISC AS A SAVING GRACE SO THAT THEY'D HAVE A SHOT AT ROCK RADIO. THERE'S ONLY ONE VERSE AND ONE CHORUS, AND THEY'RE REPEATED TWICE. THE FACT THAT THE CHORUS SCREAMS "I NEED IT TO MAKE A MILLION... I'M A FUCKING ROCK STAR" IS A TESTAMENT TO JUST HOW BADLY THIS RECORD NEEDED A SINGLE.
IT WAS AN ERROR IN JUDGEMENT TO RELEASE "DEAD MAN" AS THE FIRST SINGLE OFF THIS DISC. A BETTER CHOICE MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRACK 1O, "BITTER"... WHAT'S EVEN MORE SURPRISING THAN THE SIMILARITY TO THE POWERMAN 5000 SONG IS THAT KALODNER, THE GUY WHO TOLD STEVEN TYLER AND JOE PERRY TO "GO HOME AND WRITE" WHEN IT WAS TIME TO RELEASE PERMANENT VACATION, ALLOWED THIS TO BE RELEASED. MAYBE PORTRAIT IS IN DEEP SHIT BECAUSE THEIR BANDS AREN'T SELLING SO HOT (ASIDE FROM IRON MAIDEN, WHO'S DOING ANY NUMBERS ON THAT LABEL?) , AND THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD SCORE WITH A QUICK HIT WITH THIS BAND.... I THINK NOT.
MY GUESS IS THAT THESE GUYS WON'T BE AROUND FOR DISC NUMBER TWO.
