DIE ANOTHER DAY
This is the first review (of what we HOPE will be many) from our latest addition, a drunken, beligerient, Canadian Moose...who we kindly refer to as ASS DRAGGING MOOSE
If you have a penis, you love James Bond movies. If you don't have a penis, get one, it's a lot of fun. Until now, the 007 experience demanded that you sit through the hack acting, bad stunts and terrible special effects to get to babes, gadgets and explosions. No more.
Die Another Day will exhilerate you like a scrotal shaving. Everything has been updated in the best way possible. It's as if someone finally said "who keeps mixing up the John Waters budget with the Bond flicks" and then put a stop to it. The budget this time around was about 145 million dollars. Previously, funding came from knocking off Amish communities and selling their stylish, high quality, hand made furniture.
Now, I want all old poorly made movies updated. Somebody get off their fat fuckin' ass and start reworking Star Trek 1,3 & 5. I can't believe how badly I got fucked on those movies now that I know all it takes is money to get a decent script, great special effects and actors that are more talented than a urinal deodorant disc. How about updating "Saturday Night Fever". Take out the dancing, gay dialogue, and discos...add some special effects and...you'd have a killer presentation of credits. The possibilities are endless.
That's it! No more sitting through garbage for me. I demand only the best from here forward. Of course, that means I'll have to sell my television, trash my radio and stop visitng 99.9% of web sites...except for
porn which is clearly not garbage.
