ENTER THE MATRIX
Enter The Matrix is a confusing game, to the extent that I am confused whether or not it is a piece of shit. You know what, I'm not confused anymore. Fuck this game. It's horrible. With all the hype behind
Enter The Matrix, I naturally set my expectations very low...but somehow the Waichowski Brothers have found a new formula for producing video games. I would imagine its something along the lines of dipping each game cartridge in a vat of excrement and slapping a fifty dollar price tag on it.
Graphically speaking,
Enter The Matrix is just as visually unremarkable as any 3D release I've seen this year. Characters bear little to no resemblence to thier live action counterparts. Vehicles show no evidence of damage after ramming them straight into a wall at high speed. The visual effects of bullet time are exactely how they appear in the movie...a huge vortex of air around a little tiny bullet. I've seen high-speed image capture of a gun fired. Bullets don't look like that. Back to the drawing board, dipshits.
The action in this game is uninspired, lacking any semblance to the heart-stopping fight sequences showcased in the films. In the movie, it was suggested that each soldier of Zion was trained in all the major forms of martial arts from around the world. In the game, that intricate fight choreography has been reduced to kick/block/punch techniques so rudimentary they make Mike Tyson's Punchout look like a Jackie Chan free-for-all. Character are difficult to manage, moves difficult to execute and often times attacks appear to miss the enemy completely yet still cause lethal damage. Go figure. I've hit crack whores in the head with the blunt edge of my shovel and the bitches still manage to squirt some tears and crawl for help. Bullettime in this movie makes absolutely no sense. I thought Neo only had that ability, but apprently its common knowledge amongst the Zion community. Everyone's just dodging bullets now a days. You also get to drive a car and one of those insect zapping underground space craft they used in the movie. Big fucking deal. I've taken more impressive shits in the mouths of my victims.
The only redeeming value of this game is the storyline. Being a big fan of the films myself (yes they do allow films here in the asylum, but I must be shackled and monitored the entire time by my gay nurse while he fondles my sack and feeds me jello by regurgitating into my mouth forced open by a brute porch monkey orderly. One day he will get too close to my face...) I find the live-action scenes shot specifically for the game really helped to round out the overal plot of the first two films and the Animatrix series. There is also a hot lesbian kissing scene between Jada Pinkett Smith and Monica Belucci that had me shooting loads in bullet time at the tv. (What I wouldn't give for five minutes with Belucci and a reel of fishing line.) There is also a trailer for Matrix Revolutions at the end of the game that left me drooling for more...then again it might have been the medication, who knows.
I personally wouldn't recommend this game unless you wanted to see the live action footage for the sake of better understanding the Matrix plotline. Other than that the game itself is a failure in its attempt to capture the excitement of film and break new ground in video game design. If you really want atmosphere and macabre storytelling, pick yourself up an old copy of Deus Ex or Max Payne. As for
Enter The Matrix, the cd makes a great coaster for your coffee mug.
