IRON MAIDEN, DIO, and MOTORHEAD LIVE AT MSG
Does anyone realize how very difficult it is to get a Gorilla into Madison Square Garden in New York City? Security has been ridiculously tight since September 11th, so we didn't think there was any chance in hell the big furry bastard was going to get into MSG. Of course, he bet us a case of bananas that he WOULD get in (just like he did when he got his big ass to Holland to see the Waldrock Festival)...
Wouldn't you know it? The big furry sonofabitch got into the Garden (just like he got himself to Holland). Not only did he get in, but he got great seats; He was very close to the stage (we're still shocked no one called the zoo) and was able to see IRON MAIDEN, MOTORHEAD, and DIO up close. Here's what he clunked out when he got home. I'm off to buy bananas.
- SC)
Gorilla find tickets to sold out IRON MAIDEN show in cage one day. Gorilla take subway to 34th street and tries to trade tickets for porn. No one takes Gorilla up on offer. No one wants to shake Gorilla's hand either. Gorilla decides to go inside and enjoy show.
Gorilla gets frisked first. Gorilla totally naked, but Gorilla so metal, metal detector still go off when Gorilla walk through. Finally Gorilla find seat. Man spits on seat with dirty rag and looks at Gorilla like Gorilla should pay now. Gorilla rip off man's arm at socket and throws it into section 274.
MOTORHEAD on stage. Gorilla thought Motorhead was 'worlds loudest band', Gorilla guess Motorhead only 'worlds loudest band' when Motorhead not opening for Iron Maiden. Gorilla can't stop looking at Lemmy's mole. Gorilla wonder if mole is filled with cream or chocolate. Gorilla thinks mole might be like a truffle, filled with rich, dark chocolate. Gorilla starts to get hungry now. Gorilla wants to buy hot dog but Gorilla already spent $45 on XXL DIO t-shirt.
After Motorhead, Gorilla with ape drape haircut comes on stage and gets everyone to start yelling. Gorilla isn't sure who this human is but the voice sounds familiar
(It was syndicated rock show host Eddie Trunk. Gorilla wouldn't know, because he's not allowed to have a radio in his cage). Human says some stuff about "real" heavy metal and then hairy human says a few numbers with decimal points and then runs off the stage. Gorilla has no idea what this is all about.
So DIO play now. Dio is old, looks like Crypt Keeper. When Dio comes close to crowd, Gorilla and rest of crowd lurch back in horror. Stay back Dio, stay back! Dio plays songs about killing dragons and women leaving him. Gorilla chuckles and thinks "wonder why?" Gorilla can't stop thinking about Lemmy's cheek growth. Gorilla wonder if someone wanted to send Lemmy a fan letter, does the mole have its own address and zip code? Gorilla bet Gorilla could make lots of bananas if Gorilla lanced that thing off and sold it on Ebay. Gorilla wish Dio had a mole so it would make things more interesting. Gorilla thinks you should be able to take pictures with Lemmy's mole in the lobby after the show or maybe even put the mole in a dunk tank and play "Dunk Lemmy's Mole". Gorilla will put idea in letter form and send it off to next concert stop. Dio has song called "Stand Up and Shout", Gorilla thinks Dio is covering
STEEL DRAGON tune. Gorilla is let down when Gorilla realizes its a different song. Dio's drummer did a cool drum solo, other than that Gorilla was drooling on guy who sits next to Gorilla.
Finally Iron Maiden comes on. Gorilla thinks the guitar players have multiplied since the show
Gorilla saw in Holland a few weeks ago. The stage is filled with guitar players, each one older than the next. Humans look bad when they get old, no matter how tight the pants. Iron Maiden's pants are so tight it makes Gorilla itchy. Some of their pants look as if they were spray painted on. Gorilla borrowed binoculars and Gorilla can see pubic hair poking through denim. Maiden plays lots of the same songs Gorilla heard in Holland, in fact Maiden Man (Bruce Dickinson) says a lot of the same shit as he did in Holland. Gorilla likes the giant "666" lights. Gorilla loves song "Wicker Man". Maiden plays for a long time.
After show Gorilla gets in fight on the escalator.
