ALL ABOUT SEX
Alright, so the boss hands me this friggin' DVD and says I have to go review it because I've been slacking in the review department and he says I need to get back in the game or he's selling me to a Korean grocer. I'd like to see that asshole try. Just TRY and sell me to a fruit stand, you dick... I'll slice off that fucking goatee and that smug grin in one swing of my axe. He also says that Gorilla and that drunk dickhead Fuzz have been getting WAY too much exposure. I can't say I disagree. If I hear that drunk old man scream "Hoo boy!" one more time, I might just chop myself up and fry myself with some garlic. Gorilla...well, I'm not saying shit about him because he'd eat me, stomp on me, beat me up, fuck me, and kill me... and not in that order, either.
Anyway, onto the skin flick.
All About Sex is great, but not for obvious reasons. Forget the screwing. Forget the fact that
Krystal Steal is an amazing piece of fleshy ass. Forget the fact that there's some grade-A load-blowing-nut-swallowing-humans-sucking-and-humping-other-humans action.
Folks, this movie has
Dick Smothers, Jr. in it. Yup. Dick "the-offspring-of-50%-of-the-Smothers-Brothers" Smothers, Jr. It's not like he tries to hide it, either. He actually introduces himself AS Dick Smothers' kid in the movie. Man, how pissed off is THIS guy at his old man to go into porn and use the family name to promote himself? Shit, if my old man was famous, I'd do the same thing. Although how many famous pieces of broccoli can YOU name? See my point?
I'm sure
All About Sex has a plot, but I don't give a shit. I'm all about Dick.
Dick Smothers, Jr. that is. Now, I know what you're thinking. Gay, right? I'm gay broccoli. No. Sorry. You'd be incorrect. I don't even have a dick to rub one out with, so if anything I've only got one more reason to be pissed off all the time. I am, without a doubt, in awe of a guy who comes from such a semmingly vanilla family, and then decides to make his living as a porn stud. Go Dick, Go.
Krystal Steal is still an amazing piece of ass, though. I'm a fucking broccoli, and I know that.
